comedy
*
Concept: Internal Revenue Service vs. Menaechmi is a comedy. It reprises what is for sure the oldest living playplot out there, that of -- the more, the more confusion -- twin sets of identical twins. This play is also an experiment in applying to theater two non-theater forms: mini-series and performance documentary. That is, this script is tailored for presentation as a handful of episodes for serial viewing, produced as theater, while also being recorded for digital viewing. It aims at synching with the ever-growing way that more and more people are experiencing theaterworks through screen devices. Somewhat counter-intuitively, the technology that is most transforming nearly all the traditional performance arts is that of those ever more high-performance pixelscreens, their equally high-performance sound systems, and the digital distribution capability of the many different kinds of streaming platforms. Indeed, recent decades have seen the development of new sub-genre of filmmaking, that of videoworks aimed at ever-more-effectively recording stage performances for presentation on home screens. One of the best things about this relatively new artform of performance video-documentary is that it is necessarily focused -- close-up -- on the performers and their artistry. That is, the best of these videoworks wonderfully replay the acting (and whether that acting is primarily grounded in speech, song, dance etc. is immaterial to what this new form of videoart does so well). Incidentally (maybe obviously) this is all very revealing of my own outlook as a theater-maker: the whole point is the acting. All that other stuff -- the plot, the characters, the dialogue, the lights-and-set spectacle etc. etc. -- is just the occasion for the acting, the greater, and more humanly communicative, the better.
Production Requirements: This play can be played across the spectrum of production logistics: from day lighting with everyday wear for costumes and no sets, to opera house lighting and costume and set design etc. As a theme of the play is wealth inequality and some of the characters download graphs/visuals about that to their phones to show to each other, a way of sharing those depictions of statistics with the members of the audience is required.
Synopsis: In his office high in the Manhattan skyline Bill Menaechmi (NYB -- New York Bill) fends off the IRS as he pursues his global, mega-money deal-spinning. After chewing out his lawyers for not taking care of his tax problems, NYB takes off for a week-long business trip to the Caymans and Monte Carlo. Meanwhile, at offices of the IRS, three compliance enforcement officials -- Molly Pistol, Clifton Mayfield, and Dan Darling -- are working on how to track down the elusive financier. Their investigative efforts turn up a social media profile they believe could well be that of their quarry in hideout -- but it's that of the other of the two long-lost, identical-twin Menaechmi brothers. The IRS officers send a stern e-mail, requiring that Bill Menaechmi to be at his apartment in New York in one week's time, or else... Bill Menaechmi (CAB -- California Bill) returns to his pad after a morning of surfing, and, as he makes coffee and talks to his dog, CAB gets the message, is mystified by it, but decides he'd better head 'cross country and show up at the appointed place and time.
A week later, at NYB's apartment overlooking Central Park, NYB's homemaker wife, Alice, is getting a visit from her identical twin sister, Amanda, a glamorous fashion designer. Alice confesses her estrangement from her husband. Amanda, who has never had much liking nor respect for Alice's Bill, encourages Alice in her inclination to take some time to take stock, away from her neglectful, workaholic husband. To prevent his sure-to-follow divorce lawyers from dispossessing Alice of her home on the grounds she abandoned it when leaving him, Amanda proposes to stay in the apartment to stand in for Alice's continued occupancy and ownership of it. Alice packs a bag and moves out, leaving Amanda in the apartment alone. Meanwhile, at a nearby airport, at the general aviation terminal used by private jets, NYB, returning from his trip, is lured into a limo he was led to believe was the one that had been arranged, as usual, to pick him up. By the time he realizes that he's the victim of a gang of criminal consters, he's well on his way to being hustled to their safe house, stripped of the digital keys to his accounts, knocked out with knock-out fluid, and left to sleep it off in the back seat of an abandoned car.
CAB arrives for the tax audit appointment at NYB's apartment. Amanda takes him for her sister's husband and he takes her for an IRS agent. Unsure what to make of the situation he's walked into, but staying true to his go-with-the-flow hipster ways, CAB -- since Amanda makes no move to make him leave -- ends up settling in to spend the night. Meanwhile, NYB has come to, penniless and documentless, and suffering the memory loss induced by the knock-out fluid. He's mugged for his coat and shoes. Back at the apartment, over dinner, CAB sets in against the sarcasm and disdain he's getting from Amanda -- to no avail. And he falls in love with her.
Back on the street, NYB finds his way to a homeless shelter to get issued other shoes and a coat. He falls in with other destitutes, is asked about himself, and pieces of his lost memory start coming back to him. That night at the apartment, CAB comes to Amanda's room. Though tempted by him despite her conviction that he's her sister's rebarbative husband, she rejects him. Out on the street, NYB's hallucinatory state promts his newfound sidekicks to take him down into the tunnels beneath the city to try a spiritual cure. NYB samples the renegade devotions practicing in hiding underground, but doesn't go for any. In the morning in the apartment, over breakfast, CAB's ardor for her turns Amanda to give in to him, and their love affair begins.
At the offices of the IRS, the three lawyers/special agents arrive at work lamenting how the government shutdown then just ending prevented them from getting to NYB's as planned. They gripe about the system, and they decide to just show up at NYB's apartment that very day. Meanwhile, NYB runs into his wife, Alice, in Central Park. She catalyzes the full return of his memory, and agrees to go back home with him. Back at the apartment, Amanda's guilty remorse has frozen her intimacy with CAB -- just as NYB and her sister walk in on them. The arrival of the IRS brings the long-lost identical twin Menaechmi brothers face-to-face again. How CAB and NYB wound up with the same name and separated at birth is discovered, and the long-lost identical twin brothers are, at long last, joyfully reunited. And all live happily ever after, including the IRS ☺.
Casting Breakdown: Five actress roles (Amanda, Alice, Molly, Effie, Nancy); seven actor roles (New York Bill, California Bill, Dan, Clifton, Cashman, Crewfer, Big Jim); and a chorus, the members of which play hierarchs and devotees in underground ceremonials.
Scene Breakdown: The action takes place in ten backgrounds: the mega-office of NYB, the lowrent surferpad of CAB, an IRS office, the palatial apartment of NYB, a general aviation terminal, a limo, a rundown hideout apartment, a street, tunnels under the city, a bench in Central Park.
Episode One: What is Money? -- NYB's office; IRS office; CAB's surfer pad
Episode Two: Poor Little Rich Girls -- NYB's apartment; airport, limo and safehouse; city street
Episode Three: Paying Taxes Beats Dying Any Day -- NYB's apartment; tunnels underground
Episode Four: The Morning After -- IRS office; Central Park; NYB's apartment
CHARACTERS
BILL MENAECHMI Global Capitalist and Compulsive Tax Evader (New York Bill)
BILL MENAECHMI Surfer and Temp Worker (California Bill)
NYB and CAB are long-lost, identical twin brothers.
ALICE wife of NYB
AMANDA fashion designer
Alice and Amanda are identical twin sisters.
MOLLY PISTOL IRS Deputy Commissioner for Services and Enforcement
CLIFTON MAYFIELD Director, IRS Office of Criminal Investigations
DAN DARLING IRS Special Agent
CASHMAN Boss of Trio Criminal Consters
CREWFER Criminal Conster
EFFIE Criminal Conster
BIG JIM MARION Destitute
NANCY LITTLESTEPS Destitute
HIERARCHS AND DEVOTEES IN UNDERGROUND CEREMONIALS
*
♦
§
Setting & Characters: office of New York Bill (NYB); chracteres are NYB and Secretary/Assistant; NYB is on; Secretary/Assistant is off. Lines enclosed in { } are into phone. Lines enclosed in [ ] are to Secretary/Assistant (who can appear or not).
NEW YORK BILL
{Orgh! Listen to me. I know. This is what you..what we've..all, always wanted. This is..the..the unifying one. ... Would I steer you wrong? ... You don't understand yet, that's why I'm explaining. ... Sure it's a big bet -- I mean, investment -- even for you and me. But it'll soon be so much more. ... Would I even be talking to you if you weren't in this league? This puts you in on the bootup of a fusionation of desireability-perception the markets -- all of 'em -- 'll be goldrushing for in a matter of months. ... Listen, the're two kinds of people in this world, the stupids and the super-stupids -- and I'm talking to you 'cause I thought you weren't one or the other. And you're making me worry I was wrong? ... Think -- try to anyway -- this is like meaning itself we're packaging for buying and selling, owning and transforming -- disembodied from any one or other means that expresses it. ... No, that is not a philosophical question. You want a philosophical question? I got one -- just for you. Are you a Vienna sausage or are you an all-meat torpedo? That is the question. ... Yeah, yeah I'm a cultured guy alright -- that's not the issue here! Making money -- hyper-big money -- that's the issue here. ... C'mon, it's not the product; it's what suckers -- I mean customers -- no, I mean partners..like you -- believe it is. ... I mean everything I say with total sincerity, otherwise I wouldn't be talking to you. You know that. I'm Bill. Your real friend, Bill -- not your mugbook, never-heard-of-again flazooley friend, your real, human-hearted, true-friend-forever, Bill. I'm one of those -- the few, the lasting -- what-friends-are-for you-can-always-count-on friend. You know that, don't you? Yeah. Look, in today's total now, the winners that adapt with success -- the killerkings in this sharkfest, okay? -- are the ones who are first to take those quantum leaps of change into newly-minted space latent possibility will soon be burgeoning to fill. Yeah! Did I say that? You don't how lucky you are I'm bringing you aboard this deal. ... Listen to me, and do yourself a favor. Start thinking newthink like you did it all the time. What's a cyber-derivative blockchain secure debt-instrument financial thingamajig like this anyway? You too can be a master of the future because I've cornered the last sure thing out there -- the earnings-to-come and work-to-be of all the world's good debt-payers too proud to default -- 'cause that's the only money left out there that's not already dead, decomposing in ciphered entropy and losing, losing that mojo-magic of self-replicating, self-renewing value. It's the soul itself of money you can reach for possessing here -- it's so erotic just to think about it -- where'd the world of desire it makes go 'round be without it, right? ... Look, either you're in there first with how to exploit features newly evolved, or you're out of there -- and vulnerable to extinction as a real player. And that's not me, and that's not you. ... Why? 'Cause you and I are somebodies 'cause ours are gold-solid droplets of precious time like I'm spending now on you, and not 'cause we got gushers of hollow money it behooves you to invest with me before the clock runs out on your only opportunity. ... So what? So you want to keep thinking oldthink like you're some nobody poor person with lots of worthless time and a little precious money? ... Reliable? Reliable? Fear, fear your money won't mean as much tomorrow as today, so fear it might as well run out on you like some thankless floozy, and what you can do to save yourself from that angering humiliation are the most reliable leverage you can have. Come on, what d'you think's the system's source of energy? We're talking about the emotion-driven essence of what we're really living for if we're really living -- earnings and more earnings, money and more money, making more and more of itself like digital rabbits gone viralcrazy in the burrows of monetary cyberspace, but that we only know is real and ours when we're trading it in for something else, alive in the lemming race with everybody else displaying, envying, buying, investing, betting, speculating and selling -- chasing that wish-star comet's tail of..of making others wish they were you -- hah! -- having what you have, owning what you own, jealous of you and your success -- yee-ah! stupid suckers! -- because we trust that gives us respect in others' eyes. ... And now, with me, you can grab that magic mojo golden ring of total emotional -- I mean financial -- universal masterhood, forever... ... It almost makes you tear up, doesn't it, the futility -- I mean humanity -- of it. So no wonder they'll all go for it, right? ... Yes, now -- with me, with this -- we can live beyond fear of money's two-timing, treacherous uncertainty. ... Me? Misuse my gift of gab to lie to you? God forbid! Can't you see? This is buying and selling distance and time itself, not like feet or seconds or miles or hours or whatever. We've tied it, system-wide, to the underlying..underlying..that's everybody's got to believe is there no matter..no matter what. ... What do you think money today really is anyway? That becomes -- makes us -- the use we put it to? Is buying and selling derivative debts and productive companies the same as buying and selling groceries and sex? You know what I mean, or I wouldn't be talking to you. ... And this will package it, for desire and possession, in a way that is..so far..unthought of -- like this is the speed of light and only we know what it is that sets the mass and energy everybody else is floundering -- hoarding and wasting, making and spending in. ... Founder, flounder, fuh-hoo-lola! So you're a cultured guy too? But I'm still richer than you! Orgh! ... Oh, wait, wait..sorry. ... Yes, I'm listening. I promise. ... My data integration is fast enough, and now there is enough data -- and mega-data can know everything about every money matter that matters, about everybody -- so we can trend it all, all if it's in this planetary economy, bought and sold and monetized -- and it's all, all paid for with promises of one kind or another that promise to be accepted in payment of something else by someone else later..and promises are kept..or not, but the money's still out there somewhere, right? Trust or no trust, God or no God. ... Yeah, yeah, yeah -- and I got something else that's big enough too. You remember what is the question? Look it, it is belief. You know that. No faith is strong like faith in money that keeps its value. And no betrayal more embittering than that of money that goes down the tubes of flushaway inflation, deadbeat default, and digital defritterment. ... The risk is right, right now, okay? ... My experience of global financial markets meltdown tells me so. ... Are you an artist in this, or just some big-office salaryman in financial bureaucracy? ... Sure, it's going to cost you money -- it's costing me money. But what league do we want to play in now? Success isn't playing in the big leagues, success is moving up to the next league before the other guys know it's there. Like Zendom's greatest warrior-philosopher once said, "Do you want to feed the sharks from the edge of tank, or from in the tank?" ... Huh?! I don't know -- what do I know about Zen anything? I'm just making this up as I go along. ... You don't believe me, huh? ... Uh-huh? Why would I tell you my secret? ... Okay, I'll tell you -- just you -- because I'm your real friend. I can hear, like no one else, the sound that money makes when it's not making money -- a plaintive burbling like a soft farting tone as if beset by constant, anxious agitation -- the worries, doubts and fears setting in about its value -- as it flatulates away. Can you hear it? Can you hear the unassuming but insistent urgency of it? Can you feel how you yearn to answer it? So like a perfume -- of a woman, say -- that once it fills your nostrils you can't not smell it -- once the sound of what hyper-replication is doing to your money fills your mind, you can't think about anything else. You can't let your money go to the guillotine of over digitalization that way like some airhead theater-loving Mary Antoinette while all those super stupids lining the streets howl for a bleeding victim, can you? But now with me, we've got the sure, no-worries answer beyond their reach. ... Exactly. That's why what I'm doing is creating the next money -- and I'm trying to do that for you, and you won't let me. ... I'm not trying to make you richer; I'm trying to make you happier. We're already crazy rich so that's not the point anymore is it? I want you to close your eyes and think of all those other average gazillionaires like you and me all snubby and snug packed up tight in their can like a clutch of wet wurtzels..have you ever visited a submarine..can you envision how big torpedoes are, I mean by comparison? ... Nope, oldthink again. It's too interdependent to break apart. It's a single, global society-wide belief-system, and nobody can bail out. Where else can we put our faith in money? Mars? Heaven? ... And now we're creating this distillation of money's deep value-maker -- all of it, disrobed in its beckoning, restless transformational possibility -- virginal and virtual, for all to desire, and trade for more! ... What? What kind of question is that? Do fish believe in water? Who can opt out? And crazy rich doesn't know what crazy rich is until after we're through. ... Hey, I'm a real friend, okay? But this isn't that kind of world. ... Look out your window. Look out your window like I'm doing. What do you see? ... Yeah, big, blue and yonder -- cloudlessly clear -- with nobody but stars above and angels can tish down on you. You know what everybody else sees? They see walls, walls, walls of windows reaching up and side and skew-ways and down and every whichway like some contemporary art nightmare blocking off the sun. Millions of windows like gateways into walled space and out every window they got their moons hanging out, spreading their cheeks and like it's all trickling down, on the hapless, schlepping multitudes below. And I can't believe it, like you want to be like just another one down there with them, like shopping, drooped down with fancy paper bags, hoping for a bitsy buzz of happiness from the redolent amulets inside? And I thought you had real ambition... ... It is that kind of world, and everybody wants to pretend, believe like it isn't. But I made it up here where there's nobody can moon on me but the Lord above. And here's where I'm going to stay. So you want to lose your grip, shoot down that melt-slide meantime others climb up over top of you; go ahead! Stay out..like retire. Go ahead, sit on it; hold in your money like you got financial constipation. You know what happens to people can't risk their money, strategically risk their money -- that are psychosomafinancially constricted? ... Tell me something -- yes, I promise, just one more thing -- how's it going to feel after you die rich, doubled over, groaning in pain, hugging in all your money? ... Right. So take a prudent risk to live, live upright and free as absolute king of the mountain now. Like me! So I'm going to ask you one more philosophical question -- just one more -- I promise -- just for you. Do you know what feels like to live like a man, live like a man whose mojo just won't joe? ... Uh-huh. Believe it. And that's what'll happen to you -- just pooping out to the big good-bye as time goes by -- just like it's happening to your money, as all that hyper-replicated liquidity slowly bleeds into the shambles of the real economy. Remember, it's risk itself and its thrilling ride that rids time of its entropy, and keeps you rock and rolling forever young, beautiful and rich. Yes! So what do you say? ... Call me back. Let me know -- soon -- today's ticket, ride or stay behind. ... Yeah, I'll tell her. Yeah, Alice, that's right. Say hi to your wife too. Bye.} You read it off your "spouse's name" field on your whatever gizmo -- pretend for me you really knew, or care, you sadsack excuse for financial greatness..with that brasstacks glintz-boobies trophy wife..we should all be so lucky..like the rest of them lucky suckees and their luckier..sad little whores? Orgh! Why do I even try to help these people? [Where's that call I had in to Scott?]
SECRETARY/ASSISTANT from off over intercom etc.
[I had him and he was holding but]
NEW YORK BILL
[Oh? Oh-ho!? He hung up on me? He thinks I've reached my peak and now he's going to climb up past me? He wants to play like now he's the man with the money magic mojo? Get him back.] So he can ask me make some peanuts contribution to some political party that leaves those little power-trip goldfish going oh with their fat lips, "oh, a million dollars". Exited like feeding time -- trying to buy access and influence with government -- orgh, way those yokels there do things now -- so subtle -- like they're for opening cash envelopes instead of briefing papers. Hah! Scott baby, making it today is being free of all that dinosaur government..government-civic stuff -- living where none of that dinasaur political paleontology got no way to touch you. [Forget getting him back. If he calls back, tell him I'll return the call as soon as time -- God willing -- will permit. No, tell him I'll call him back, maybe, if I feel like it.] Oh Lord, you see I haven't forgotten you. And Lord, thank you for having helped me make myself so wildly successful, achieving total financial ascendency and freedom... And please, oh Lord I beg you, help me make sure I keep making more and more, and please dear Lord, help me make sure those super-stupids don't take it any of it away from me..ever and forever, Amen.
SECRETARY/ASSISTANT from off over intercom etc.
[Sir, what was that?]
NEW YORK BILL
[What was what? Orgh! Never mind.]
SECRETARY/ASSISTANT from off over intercom etc.
[Yessir. You also had a call from the IRS. Third time they've called this morning.]
NYB
[Pffft! You know what to do. Have 'em call my lawyers.] The IRS... Like they're dealing with some kind of under-reporting shopkeeper that's got citizenship responsibilities he's derelict in. [How much was that law firm bill last year? What do those hootsie-tootsie Hottentot butts think I pay them for?] Lawyers nowadays -- it's like you work for them.
SEC
[The firm called too.]
NYB
[Yeah, alright. Get 'em for me.] Snap their suspenders 'bout what to do 'bout them pathetic government guys.
SEC
[And your wife called.]
NYB
[What did she want?]
SEC
[She said she wanted to talk to you.]
NYB
[She wanted to talk to me?] ... Talk to me about what? Something good about housekeeping maybe? What do I look like, a seal of approval? Sure, sure honey, go ahead. We got the money! Like I'm supposed to have time to care and worry about the things we buy and what they cost? What's the point of being rich? I'm in this sphere now and she just couldn't follow..like she just can't change the outlook of her upbringing..and estrangement happens. What can two people today, no longer in the same psychological-financial habitat..still have..but... She's still the only one..looked at me and took me in..like ever since those college days stuck by me like I was some lostdog waif and ever since she's the only one I can trust... Orgh! while all those joe-college jockposhes treated me like some mega-loser super-twerp..but like who's king of the mountain now, huh? And even mom liked her..like only Alice could bring some some sun and sweetness to the bitter rancour of mom's usual lifemood..mom..always guiltying me up going on and on 'bout how she loved me twiceover like I didn't deserve it all, and denying even dad's existence..until I gave up even asking what the story was..she'd just look away and scowl and say, "don't be a dreamer, be an actor..." And so I am. Orgh! [You get the firm for me yet?]
SEC
[Not yet, no. But the IRS is on again; they just called back.]
NYB
[No way!..You talk to them, you acknowledge..you make 'em legit. And I'm not subject. I'm out of there.] "You're fired!" That's what that palooka ought to do to the whole IRS -- that way he could chisel some more free-ride money, and be a little less bankrupt. Orgh!
SEC
[What? What I do?]
NYB
[What? Not you!] Orgh! Don't get me started. Orgh! World I work in's its own sphere, money's got a consubstantial real and virtual life of its own in cybereconomics now and they just don't get that yet -- and it couldn't care less about their stupid wars and inequality and welfare issues and social and economic policy debates, and I couldn't care less either. Money has no hopes and fears, only ones and zeros -- and that's why they're all so super-stupid about it -- so super-stupid some of 'em even think they're happy! Orgh! [Tell 'em I'm on an important business trip; and they can talk to my lawyers.] And just talk -- brief and counter-brief, in their irrelevant jurisdictional blabfestoola, like some super-stupid endless monologue in a ridiculously long play. Remember records? Orgh!
NYB
[Got it.] {Hey there counselor, how's my lawyer man? Getting ready to send me another bill maybe? For all your fine work keeping me clear of ill-informed interference. At umpteen hundred dollars an hour which is more than most people on this planet make in a month! How much was that last bill? Or what do you hootsie-tooties call them -- invoices for honoraria? Honoraria for desmearing my tush! What am I paying you for if I've got the IRS shooping up my whoosh? Lucky me, huh? ... What!? ... Absolutely not! ... If I was out there rights violating, like in a relationship with somebody else, like assaulting, exploiting and taking away from other persons or their property, you better bet I would not be above the law! But I'm not doing anything like that. Where I work is simply beyond society; the markets and the networks and the algorithms they run on are in charge here, and that's different, and I'm not doing anything wrong! All that governments thing has no rightful say-so here. What I do is legitimate. It is. But it's in its own world -- with its environment making its way-the-world-works laws. And all them bureaucrats and politicians they got illusion that's what. Regulation's for countries -- you know, like with populations and fixed place on Earth. And all that's not part of my working world; it's just not. ... So send them back to electioneering, income transfers, directing traffic and collecting W-2s! ... I don't care what they want. All I know's whatever they want, they got no right trying to get it. ... It's not the money; it's that it doesn't make any sense! Let the businessmen and farmers and lawyers and employees or whoever pay for the dingdang debt service and medicare and aircraft carriers and law enforcement and foreign wars and log rolls and pork barrels, like they live in communities or whatever and are stuck stakeholding somewhere. I'm -- look around -- I'm above all that -- I'm not meaningfully located down there, alright? Why do you think I work so relentlessly hard all the time? I'm free of all that. Orgh! That's the way it is. ... Well, make 'em understand it. ... I don't know -- make it legal. That's your job! You can find a way I can generate money and not pay taxes -- I'm the one who should be getting paid boatloads of free extra bonus money for performing an extremely valuable public service, making more and more money out of hot empty air atomically confusionating sheer ideas -- and anyway, taxable, non-taxable, soft money, hard money, cash money, credit money, bit money, byte money, this money, that money -- what's the diff'rence anymore? It's all programs routines crunch-a-munching data -- pretty soon money'll be worth as much as great music recordings -- priceless..and free. Lucky..lucky you -- so busy listening to great free music, you'll have no time left to spend your worthless money. But you lawyers and the super-stupids all got to believe it means something valuable, right, cause it's legal tender -- but guess what, your system's not really in charge of guaranteeing that anymore -- so we should all have that fifth martini at this long free lunch of rolling the stuff out like avalanches of cutsey green bit-byte rabbits. But I'm not going to get the hangover headache, you are -- cause I don't get to listen to your super-stupid dreamland music, I got to listen to the relentless beat of money farting. Orgh! ... What?! I don't care what it costs! Orgh! I'm so crazy rich, money is completely worthless to me! ... What do you mean, "so why don't I just pay my taxes?" Cause they're not mine -- how many times do I have to tell you!? I'm free of all that..that! ... Orgh! Listen to me. I know. Money is money; that's what it is, right? I mean you still believe that, don't you? ... What? You have doubts? ... Am I paying you or are you paying me? What is this relationship, huh? A Platonic partnership? Do I pay my bills, or what? Are you giving me value's worth or not? Value of what -- just cause you're working so hard doesn't mean you're getting results, even if I'm still paying you! Orgh! ... Hey look, I'm on a trip -- a long trip -- for a week or so. And when I come back, I don't want to hear any more about it. Or I'll take my business elsewhere as you social nicee, privilege-of-attorney blahblah guys want to forget how's this world really works. The way I see it, the way my world works, I shouldn't even need a lawyer, no less your whole flock of 'em! ... When a lion eats a zebra, does the zebra's family get to sue? ... Of course I'm serious! That's the way that world works -- naturally works. And my world's got its ecosystemic nature too -- and lawyers, taxes, and countries and governments and all their super-stupid conflicts and hordes of ignorant poor people are not meaningfully operative in it, see? I can't help that; that's the way it is. ... So you do your job, and I'll do mine. That way, I can keep paying you your honoraria though I shouldn't have to so you can keep packing all that money right back up there where the sun don't never shine! Orgh! Alright? Bye.} [Call the airport. I'm going on a trip.]
SEC
[Where? They've got to file a flight plan.]
NYB
[Monaco. With a stop in the Caymans. And Montevideo on the way back.]
SEC
[Montevideo?]
NYB
[I'm giving you a tip. Remember it. Uruguay is the world's best kept investment secret.]
SEC
[Yessir. Thank you. And I thought Africa had all kinds of problems.]
NYB
[Right. You want to understand something else? Why are things secret? Because people don't know about them. And what if you have no idea what you can do about that?]
SEC
[Um, I don't know.]
NYB
[Right again.] Right again -- and what secrets don't we all know, even in our own lives, that others keep from us for reasons of their own? And our ignorance shapes us more than we know. What did mom mean, always saying she loved me double and some things are better left unknown?
SEC
[I'll make the arrangements, call you on the plane.]
NYB
[Right. Good. I'm out of here.]
SEC
[What about your wife?]
NYB
[My wife... What about my wife? ... Tell her I had to crash on this deal. No, tell her I love her. No, tell her I'll call her back when..when?] Oh Lord, Lord yes, yes I know and it still fills me with fear she'll leave me, and... Orgh! Orgh, I'm just too busy. What doesn't she see? [Forget it. I'm out of here.]
SEC
[One more thing. Doris and Mike wanted to meet with you about]
NYB
[oh-ho? So? Who's not happy? Employees can't be happy -- not compared to owners they can't, at least not for long. I wasn't. So just bring in some consultant shoot them up with some of that opiate of the employed -- yes! participatory leadership, stakeholding, trust and teambuilding -- all that -- like it's not all about making more money for Mister Big. Yeah, right. That's just the way it is too. Oh, just pay them more money -- that should keep them glowing with transitory good feeling, for a while anyway. I'm out of here.]
SEC
[Yessir! How 'bout me?]
NYB
[You too! Pay everybody more money, there's an unlimited supply out there now!] Yikes! What if I'm right? What will happen to my real money? Like the kind backed by the Federal Reserve and other central banks. Maybe I should pay taxes? Hah! Never! Not worth it -- not the way they're pouring moneyoceans out of rabbit hats so governments can pretend the financial system's solvent. ... Yikes... Pretty soon not even poor people'll believe in money! Orgh!
♦
§ §
Setting & Characters: IRS office space; characters are IRS lawyers Dan Darling (Special Agent), Clifton Mayfield (Director, Office of Criminal Investigations), and Molly Pistol (Deputy Commissioner for Services and Enforcement); Dan is on.
DAN
And try and try and keep on, keep on trying oh!
to focus on this flipping work --
and I just can't -- like frisk-pup wired and back
in high school and in love and God, oh God,
good God almighty so much, so much worse!
And she -- like she could walk in any minute now,
and I -- I can't -- what's happening to me? -- pretend,
pretend what happened didn't and I don't feel
oh..the way I do -- and she -- miss mastery
like born to full control, the laughing steel-princess --
that for awakening desire yet puts to shame
the golden glory of summer's rosen dawns --
but oh -- like acts like doesn't feel at all, and racks
it up that night that now it's like the most
deep meaning moment of my life so far
to just some unexpected what-got-into-us
like after another late night in the office
when all I thought -- did I? -- breathing her
walk by -- what was I thinking, really, then
in front of her right here -- oh, just say
good night -- but I -- like to be helpful? -- oh
offered aghh...deputy commissioner for us here,
how I could drive her home. And so we talked
and talked and talked and talked all night
so aimless driving blind and round and round
the city's glare and dim of shifting shapes --
its buildingscapes and runway streets -- until
the rose-red glows of dawn -- like strengthless -- forced
us through her door. And all my dreams for love came true.
Oh love, God-awful love why can't you be
that whatall bliss that Romance promises us,
and not abject us in this twist anxiety
where fused, desire and stress un-siezes us?
I only think of how I want to see and talk
to her but just the thought that now -- please no --
she's here! and I'm duck and covering in shock
inert reactionless beneath the blows --
barrage of incoming rocketing inside --
like my every hormone battery's mad minute
gets set off sparked instant her eyes shot into mine,
and -- me! -- I blush blood red and pale snow white,
who faced up always to hits life sent my way
feel like some pogue rabbit wanting to run away.
CLIFTON coming on
Danny Danny, morning morning..what're you doing?
DAN
Talking to my phone, what's it look I'm doing?
CLIFTON
Not working. What's with you, man? Where's the ol' Dan been?
Been some time now I seen something's got to you.
DAN
Me? No! Nothing new in my life, Clifton -- no nothing at all.
New car I bought's old news -- so, no nothing new
with me that you and everybody here --
whole office -- wouldn't know all about already.
CLIFTON
Uh-huh.
DAN
Yo man -- my life of legend just rolls right on, the way
I've always been: so truest blue -- oh happy few --
right ready, livin' the dream, way straight shooters do;
so blessed, to live by chance and love by choice.
Duty calls, hear the worksong of my voice;
got wood to chop, keep winter's cold at bay,
so leave the chips fly where they may;
come tarryin' time for love and leisure,
well darlin', come on talk to me of love and pleasure;
might be, folks say, devil may care,
all I know, 's I've long been live and loving there.
CLIFTON
Uh-huh. "Live by chance and love by choice" don't we all? You know Danny, going now into my third decade of compliance enforcement experience, I've learned to believe absolutely everything everybody tells me, specially when they've convinced themselves that all their liestalk's total truth. Look, I'm not asking to pry into your private life, but as your caring, responsible supervisor and senior colleague. You haven't been yourself. Any unhealthy lifestyle, stress disorder, hitting-up-that-wall type issues in your life maybe we can help with? Dan, are you alright?
DAN
No! No I'm not! Cliff, I've fallen in love.
CLIFTON
Wuh-huh! Hit that love wall! You ain't just lucky my name ain't Brickton! Ho! Congratulations! Why that's bigger than reaching retirement.
DAN
Oh! If you knew. I don't want to be in love with her, and she doesn't want to be in love with me -- and we both are, I know it. Oh!
CLIFTON
Uh-huh? Could be death and taxes, my man -- that we wish were problems to be sorted through and managed, but are destinies to be shouldered and undergone. And I only want to know one thing, that makes all the difference. Seriously, Daniel, does your momma approve of her?
DAN
Clifton, we're a thousand clicks of sandstorm from there, and maybe never make it.
CLIFTON
Somebody from work, by chance?
DAN
No! Oh no, no way. Office romance -- uh! -- death drink of disaster.
CLIFTON
I wish everybody was that sensible. Anything else you want to tell me? Just in case I can help, Dan. And I'm only going to ask this once.
DAN
Cliff, some things sometimes, you can't trust, even those you trust the most with.
CLIFTON
Okay. I understand. You're the playmaker, got the ball open this conversation again, and I don't want to take it from you. ... Whoo-ee-uh, my man Dan, in love! Uh-huh!
DAN
Don't make it worse than it already is. And all my thanks, okay?
CLIFTON
Why I'm here.
DAN
Do that caring leadership thing -- cause some things only learned by example?
CLIFTON
We got work to do. You see the boss yet this morning?
DAN
No sir. No.
CLIFTON
Well you going to. She
DAN
oh no...
CLIFTON
What? Hey, she's not so bad. And I think she likes you, maybe -- hard to tell sometimes, under that uber-professional don't-even-think-you-can-mess-with-me look and attitude. But as appointees go, she's light years better than some of them mean little fools so full of insecurities I've had to work with -- you'll see. Anyway, she's hot -- 'way hot
DAN
her?
CLIFTON
Huh? Yeah, on that Menaechmi case. Did you see the e- -- oooh, I think I hear those shoes...
DAN
oooh...
MOLLY coming on
Good morning, good morning. (You're here?)
DAN
(I am.)
MOLLY
Did you see my e-mails this morning? No, obviously, because you didn't answer them, right?
DAN
No. Yes. I don't know.
MOLLY
Dan...
DAN
Molly...
CLIFTON
Yes ma'am -- and we were just about to answer with our plan of action for finding Mr. Meneachmi.
MOLLY
Yeah? So? Well-planned is only the first step to well-done. How're we going to get this guy?
CLIFTON
Ma'am, with all due respect to your recent appointment as our new deputy commissioner for services and enforcement
MOLLY
I know what my job is, thank you
DAN
Well, at least what it's called anyway
MOLLY
Watch it, buster -- this administration isn't friendly to smart alecks
DAN
(Or even smart people -- smart enough not to fall in love...)
MOLLY
What was that?
DAN
Molly -- nothing at all, no ma'am -- nothing
MOLLY
Dan...
CLIFTON
Hrgm, yes ma'am -- but still -- no guy. Case, please. How're we going to resolve this case? We're a government bureaucracy, we're charged with
MOLLY
Revenue accruement
CLIFTON
Ma'am, I understand the White House doesn't want us to use the word taxes any more but
DAN
Just say are-ay...hey, hey, hey.
CLIFTON
Just say passing away...hey, hey, hey.
MOLLY
Dan...
DAN
Molly...
MOLLY
Okay, you can say taxes in here -- but don't let anybody out there hear you -- especially reporters.
CLIFTON
Yea ma'am, but still, we'are a government bureaucracy out to apply the law equally and fairly to millions and millions of completely different individuals -- and of course there's no way to do that, individually, like people see themselves. So, no guys, no gals, no persons individual with a whole human life, socio-economic history and own life story -- cast adrift in the dysfunctional tax politics of our red and blue, settlers and immigrants schizoid society.
DAN
Wow... Clifton... I never knew... But what about
CLIFTON
Yo man. Exactly -- and native Americans and the children of slavery left out -- 'way out -- cast mid-ocean adrift all the ways of disincluded like some kind of ghostlies -- so richly whole but so poorly, barely glimpsed like shadows -- shacklerambledown old scarecrows roadside passed unglimpsed, in the mind of privileged America. So, so cases, cases not people, please -- so we can keep alive a mighty..mighty distant dream here, of equality before the law for every person -- so with consideration limited to matters the law specifically specifies are relevant.
MOLLY
Thank you for the wise and lawyerly advice. I sincerely appreciate it. And Clifton, when politics allows, I'll be sure to ask for more. Look -- I understand lots of people have issues with our administration -- but you got to realize, these guys don't internalize that the law sets limits to what they can do -- that's how it protects everybody -- but for them it's just a nuisance to be bulldozed aside when they want something -- that's why they're bigman bully boy empowered guys who get what they want -- look, they get elected.
DAN
And we're not.
MOLLY
And if they didn't, they wouldn't be rich and powerful and big boss and intimidating all around them -- so let's get real.
DAN
So what's so different about this Menaechmi we're so hot on?
MOLLY
He's a defiant, deliberate, deadbeat criminal evader and not a legal
DAN
Slitheringly snaky snivelingly self-sorry
MOLLY
Yes, avoider -- and that's legal.
DAN
Barely.
MOLLY
Maybe. And after all we've been saying during the campaign about free-riding drone
CLIFTON
Scapegoat these and scapegoat those
MOLLY
No.
CLIFTON
Yes.
MOLLY
Dream on. Anyway -- with means diversity the way it is, it's just something no administration can afford -- not ours, not any -- and if the hostile press got a hold of how guys like this like in total impunity just get away
CLIFTON
Scott free.
MOLLY
Has nothing to do with it. And this guy's a bigbigtime deadbeat evader, and we got a duty to get him.
DAN
So, if we know he's a bad guy, we'd be right to plant the evidence on him -- set him up and take him out, so as to do our higher duty to protect the public.
MOLLY
Danny, he's a member of the citizen public, and like you and me he has rights -- that it's our job to secure -- whether he deserves it or not got's nothing to do with it.
DAN
But he doesn't deserve it -- he's a bad guy -- renegade way off the reservation. Molly, you just said so.
MOLLY
Rights in here in the person, within or beyond the pale.
DAN
No they don't. If he was some kind of terrorist out there -- we'd take him out just like that -- pow! -- no questions asked, shoot first, due process talktalk later.
CLIFTON
And when we shoot away the wrong persons in intelops and drone wars world, not talk at all?
DAN
Managing risk is not just a financial problem. Savages got to be put down before they do their hurting of the innocent.
CLIFTON
Man, you're in the wrong job. You want to put on that sealsuit, get on the supershooter team -- that way you can come to work dressed like that, make every day Holloween around here.
DAN
You want to watch me yawn? You know how many other people there are out there think their office life ought to be a comedy series?
CLIFTON
And most of them are right. Am I right? I can see it now -- episode one -- Dapper Dan Goes Ninjaman!
MOLLY
C'mon, we got find him before we can even start to build a case against him. How does he manage to be so elusive? Like he's so so rich he's been ascended into some Elysium on Earth, far gone across all the Potomacs of contention and struggle, beyond society and citizenship.
CLIFTON
There's a prosecutable case here somewhere -- "case..." We're reviewing what we've got -- we may know he's guilty, but that doesn't mean we can get a conviction -- but Molly, you're right -- this guy, this guy he's doing this on purpose. You should see all the junk his lawyers send us -- and he keeps paying for it.
MOLLY
Get a conviction... We can't get him to answer his phone.
DAN
For all we can tell there's no him to answer. All the shells and legal fictions he's got working overtime to fill his money bags, he might as well not personally be the owner.
MOLLY
Hey, at some point somebody always owns it.
DAN
Not necessarily... Corporations -- in all their thousand kinds and sizes, and country of incorporation and nationality of ownership...
MOLLY
Danny, dee ay does not stand for devil's advocate. Come on, how long you been doing investigations? If it's in the private sector -- legal or illegal -- somebody always owns it. Hey, every time, every time after you get past all the onshores and offshores, the whole ten yards of three-card montying and legal fakery, big pretend of Russian dolls and Chinese boxes
DAN
(Molly..).
MOLLY
(Dan...)
CLIFTON
Eh...? ... Why I'd reckon all Russian dolls are made in China now too.
MOLLY
(Ohhh...) Are they? Russian dolls and Chinese boxes -- and American legal fictions? No, there's always someone, or someones -- somebody always owns it. Whether they want anybody to know it or not, that's not my point. Actually I'm for a new age of privacy -- the government doesn't need to know what all you've got and how you got it if you got it legally -- you just have to bear your fair share of the cost of securing your rights -- all of 'em -- the infrastructure of secure property -- all of it -- included. We just need to check you paid your full share, but only when there's cause to check..in case.
CLIFTON
There's always cause to check -- don't check, don't happen -- when the get-awayers start getting away, whoo-uh..viral contagious -- you're listening to tax-collection..compliance..experience here, not wishful thinking. And with this guy, we ain't just got the smoke of cause, we got the bonfire of guilt.
DAN
Somebody doesn't always own it. What about what non-profits own?
CLIFTON
And a lot of them own a lot, making them rich too.
DAN
Yeah and how 'bout in some inheritance cases.
MOLLY
Well then somebody wants to own it. Believe it -- there's always someone -- it's persons, always persons that got that thing, that avid pride and patheticness of possess, and extending the self to things like the things you have, seen by others, win dignity and identity for you -- it's mine, and I'm one who has one, see!?
DAN
Yeah, I do. And by the way how much did that new purse cost you there?
MOLLY
It's a handbag, not a purse and how much it cost me is none of your business. How I squander my money is my business and nobody else's -- privacy, remember? And in inheritance fights they just want to legally own after they maybe stole it -- that guilt for having took with no right and nagging wish to get it straight with all the papers for all the world to see it's theirs and clean. Hah! Like paperwork with seals from courts could put to rest the toss and turn of guilty secrets, drip and burn of acid truths, that rot the metal, making leaky sieves of what were once the bright and burnished plates of our clear conscience, that sealed up our idealism?
DAN
Hey, people forget and just convince themselves.
MOLLY
No they don't; they remember and convince everybody else. Ask any respectable, successful money-launderer.
CLIFTON
Yeah, and we help them.
MOLLY
No we don't.
DAN
Yeah we do. They pay their taxes; they're home free. There's no way we can go after all -- even most -- that commit financial crimes -- so they can get away with it, and they all know it. And it all washes off, and in a very short time -- the casualty splatterings in the wake of the arms trafficking, the imploded lives of the bigtime fraud victims, the debased corrupted politicians, the desperation of the addict's families, the humiliation of the crack whores
CLIFTON
Whoa! Episode two -- Ninjaman Goes Preacher Man!
DAN
They are the bad guys. What they do does bad things to innocent people. We're the good guys -- and guess who winds up in charge if we don't take them out?
CLIFTON
Pow! Just like that, right? And if you get to decide, guess who might just be gone, just like that -- due to a slight mistake.
DAN
I don't know, so we can pay blood money to the families of those we take out by mistake. We did that a lot back
MOLLY
Maybe we can send flowers too?
CLIFTON
Aw...momma would so touched.
MOLLY
Dan, collateral casualties is killing of the innocent and the guilt of that may not wash off so fast after all. I got a cousin, came back from deployment over there -- been a while now too -- and he's still not over the shambles of those he saw that shock and awe left unintended in their wake.
DAN
Yeah, and maybe can't even talk about it really.
MOLLY
Dan...?
CLIFTON
Now I think we should all take a mid-morning shopping break -- get our minds off of all this kind of stuff. Or go fill out our own tax returns -- that works too -- pretty soon we'll be so confused we won't be able to think about anything -- so might as well light up that screen..surfing stupidities listening to free music when you're supposed to be working. Which brings me back to the wonder of this job -- what makes them want so bad to get away with it when nine times out of ten they already got so much they couldn't possibly need to keep and get some more?
MOLLY
Cause, they're people, and it's only persons got that need -- need to dream themselves different, dream that if they just owned that, bought that -- made those acquisitions -- they'd be seen as more, more..more by those around. You know, it's not cause people want to keep up with the Joneses in their world, it's cause they yearn more than they know for that envy and admiration only their Joneses got to give. That's why you bought that car, right Danny? So you could close your eyes and envision them that count for you watching you, you..owning it, relaxed in it, identifying you, like in your mind they're wishing they could be you?
DAN
I didn't buy that vehicle thinking so..so guys'u'd get green 'n' girls'u'd want me. I bought it 'cause it's clearly a work of superior, cutting-edge automotive engineering, technology and manufacture. And I've developed a true appreciation of that.
CLIFTON turning away/going to other cubicle etc. to focus on a workstation screen/case files/other work, etc.
Oh yeah, like I've developed a true connoisseurship of contemporary art -- when there's no nudity -- uh-huh. And who's who's Joneses? Ain't that the question? This guy's got to be track-downable, somehow. What world's he live in?
DAN
(And anyway, you look so great in that car and you know it. And now for me it's like always our car from now on.)
MOLLY
(Danny, don't remind me -- oh, the car made me do it.)
DAN
(No it didn't -- not the way we were overpowered. Molly...)
MOLLY
(Oh I... What happened...something made me helpless...)
DAN
(I know, me too. And it's the last thing we were looking for, like lifted, born again to destiny -- and you know it. Molly...)
MOLLY
(Ohh...Danny, no... No, it's not something I decided.)
DAN
(Molly I)
MOLLY
(Dan, we're in the office. And I'm like a big boss around here.) And right, like I'm a pure connoisseur of superior handbag design, materials and workmanship -- so I'm good for keeping it in a box at home where nobody can see me with it? Like I wanted it, bought it, like it could be the sound of one hand clapping, unseen unhearably, unenviable? Are those the case files?
CLIFTON
And now you want another one? I told you you should go shopping... (together -- maybe give that going steady designer purse gift? "Uh-huh"? I can't believe this. Who would've thought -- wait til people start talking)
DAN
(no!)
CLIFTON
(Got to hand it to you, Dan -- when you do deathdrink of disaster, you do a double.) Ahem, yes ma'am..hip young people today, that's what they do, they go fashion shopping together. I read all about it in the lifestyle pages of what used to be the world's most serious newspaper.
MOLLY
Oh absolutely. Forget sex. Shopping. So much more dangerous -- like credit card Russian roulette -- like there you are at the end of the monthly bleeding cycle and there's no money -- I mean billing cycle -- (oh! what's happening to me?). Yes, as I was remarking, I do want another one, and the right shoes to go with them. Cause once we all get some we all go right back to scheming to get some more -- and dream out the next episode of our story of us looked at, soon with jealousy, and then resentment. Ever seen a dog or a company feel the need to own? Animals and things don't care about property and money. They can't -- no matter what the law'll lead you to believe is possible. If it's not a person, it can't, can't care -- cold as stone -- about ownership -- ever steal anything from a dog? an organization? how upset do those its get? But persons owning? When it's possessors, hah! If it's a man, woman or child, watch out all it makes them feel. I'm telling you, it's got to be a someone to emotionally take part in economic relations with others. The corporations and the rest of those legal fictions are just our totemic tools for that.
CLIFTON
What?! But things can still pay taxes.
DAN
And enjoy it too. Right? I mean ask any big businesses and mega multi-national -- they never waste any time or talent even thinking about taxes.
CLIFTON
Definitely. They're always thinking about how they can pay more taxes. That's why all them CEOs and kingpins and their lobbyists are always in there spending all that time and money schmoozing the poor politicians -- flattering them, and legally clip and watering them so they'll grow crook'd and dwarfish like Bonsai are to free-standing trees -- to help them find ways to make sure they and their profit centers can pay more taxes.
MOLLY
You know a surprising lot of persons would be happy to pay more taxes if only the system truly made for equality for all and was truly understandable by all -- and not..not what we're struggling to enforce now. And this guy, he's like up there in the one hundred and thirty thousand that have a net worth of over 50 million -- and it doesn't look like he's paid a dime for decades since he got really really rich. And I don't even want to think what the sly fire-eaters from the world-is-flat news would to to us with their story of "administration colludes with wholesale avoidance by entire micro-demographic of hyper-rich blah blah blah" oh!
CLIFTON
Evasion's what's illegal.
MOLLY
You explain the difference to all the voters feeling so put upon out there.
CLIFTON
Ma'am, wealth inequality has always
MOLLY
Wherewithal disparity! Even better, means diversity!
CLIFTON
But that doesn't mean anything and surreptiously conflates
MOLLY
Exactly. Please, the White House messaging masters have asked us to eschew any use of the words wealth and inequality in this connection -- what if ordinary people started fearing the way the system's set up now has implications for their dignity and empowerment as citizens and really kindled up some hooh-hah populist revanchist movement -- and here I am -- me -- conniving so they won't? Is that what happens when a true-blue conservative idealist becomes Deputy Commissioner for Services and Enforcement? (With a troubled conscience for having learned that actually going into politics is the surest way to lose all idealism? Must be why I have a headache? Oh...)
DAN
(Maybe you're just getting your period?)
MOLLY desperately, as if on verge of tears
(No I'm not.)
DAN
(You sure? Molly... We only slept together once. ... I'm going to be a dad.)
MOLLY
(Who are you to decide if I want to be a mom too, mister so-sure-of-yourself? How do you even know if there isn't someone else in my life?)
DAN
('Cause you love me, not somebody else. That's the way it is. And I know it. And so do you.)
MOLLY
(Oh Danny yes...)
DAN
(And it's not that bad, just destiny. Molly, listen to me)
MOLLY
(Yes, it is that bad.) Ahem..yes! Yes it is that bad. Look it up yourself -- distro of wealth -- and empowerment -- today among the members of the planet's population.
CLIFTON
And you're like going to be paying for that one car til you're middle-aged.
DAN looking up on his phone etc.
So funny. One percent have one half of the wealth -- that's seven-and-half million of seven-and-a-half billion persons who have one-hundred-and-thirty of the two-hundred-and-sixty trillion dollars worth of wealth that's owned privately.
CLIFTON
Hey man, if democracy didn't require taxpayer participation it'u'd be so easier to just collect a fair share from them and exempt everybody else.
MOLLY
And everybody else are such sheep, they could well go for it.
DAN
What?
MOLLY also looking at her phone, etc.
Never mind. I learned a lot I wish I didn't know about democracy working on the campaign. Listen, we got work to do here. Back to it. Find this guy for me. ... Ohhh... ... Huh, seven-and-a-half million -- one percent of that number is the same as the seventy-five thousand pages of the all-inclusive Commerce Clearing House's Standard Federal Tax Reporter -- and even if Title 26 itself were only one percent of that, at seven-hundred-and-fifty clearly written pages how many average citizens would get through that just-can't-put-it-down, best-selling blockbuster, and understand it and consent to it? And just current Federal tax law is nearly four times that seven-hundred-and-fifty pages. See, it's right here, Dan (and if you send me any more of these messages pledging your love for me -- Dan they're making me desperately confused -- don't you see what you're doing to me?).
CLIFTON
That's so misleading -- that seventy-five thousand pages thing isn't the tax code, it's resources for lawyers.
DAN
(Molly, just breathing in your closeness now makes)
MOLLY
(Dan... Stop. This isn't. What if? Ohh... I can't be in love with you.)
DAN
(Molly, capacity for committment ain't but capacity for not giving up.)
CLIFTON
(Oh Dan if you knew the contradictions of my feelings, you'd pity me.)
DAN
(Molly, I love you. Ever since that night, and now you're going to listen to me, li'l miss got-all-the-answers 'cause maybe you don't)
CLIFTON
Ma'am, you were saying about the tax code?
MOLLY
(oh Danny, if you knew how just want to fall, like a melody turns in to return to its end. But I can't.) Yes. I know. As I was saying about the tax code? Why yes, it's like..it's like the tax code..the tax code is so stuck -- like only men, who are lawyers, could've created anything so stuck in being..like men who are lawyers -- and so tiresomely so, like with that hammering endless repetition of their porn vids so indifferent to the persons of the women in them -- stentorian and jargon aphasic -- it makes sense to them -- smug and self-regarding, incorrigable and so self-important, and blithely, so dismissively indifferent to how insulting all the untransparent complexity of the law is to the ordinary citizens subject to it -- and on top of that totally unrealistic as to what makes people relatively richer or poorer the way we live today. It's not just about income and its finaglement. Sometimes I try to imagine how different they would be if the tax laws and that citizen-selfgovernment relationship were the work of women -- who aren't lawyers.
CLIFTON
No, please -- not that too! It's all that's left! Taxation policy and big finance are the last bastion of supremacist patriarchy still intact today. And now you going to take the no-girls-allowed, whites-males-only de facto signs down off the last treehouse? And invade that too? Can there be nothing left sacred to the traditional American way?
MOLLY
No. Not if I have anything to do with it.
CLIFTON
Yallah! So here's going to come the American Spring, and it's going to be about the new equality deal for all, starting with tax reform that's truly equal for all? 'Stead of what these circle jerk old guys in Congress come up with -- cut the bigbig Bills taxes no doubt about it? Right. I'm going back to my office routine, where I can pretend I'm safe from social earthquake-tsunamis, thank you. And I'm going to find this guy.
DAN
Yeah, like a good mom with common sense had wrote the tax laws.
MOLLY
Yeah....
DAN
(Yeah... Like living in a modest house in the suburbs with her loving husband, both stressed and careful to keep up with that mortgage and all the car payments, but loving strong together to bring the kids up right -- for flag and family, land and country -- and always showing up, in the line, of those PTA meetings to fight to save good public schools for all, and being there for every little league game and school performance, and giving up so much to save for college -- and pay their taxes and do real self-government -- and giving thanks for the liberty to do it their own selves -- what's wrong with that?)
MOLLY breaking into tears
(No! That's what my mom and dad struggled so..so I could escape!)
DAN
(Molly, I)
MOLLY
(It's nothing -- just thinking of my mom and dad that's all -- their great American middleclass collapsing into the underclass and all their sacrifices so I could escape into the overclass.)
DAN embracing her
(It'll be alright. I promise.)
MOLLY
(Don't promise. Deliver.) Oh, where's my purse -- I mean handbag! Oh!
CLIFTON intent on screen in other cubicle etc.
There's got to be some trace of him somewhere here. And -- why by women, who aren't lawyers? You're a lawyer.
DAN
Oh yeah, we're all lawyers here -- and this is the USA -- so who else is grown up enough to be in charge here?
MOLLY
(And now my make-up's all over my face.)
DAN
(You're so beautiful.)
MOLLY regaining her composure etc.
Because..because..because...
Because when women become lawyers -- good lawyers --
they become like men, and rightly so I guess,
stuffed with abstraction, atilt enebriated
by dominance through that command of language
that honed by centuries of distinctions and decisions
doth parse the confusion and ambiguity of life
into the cut and dried of predecents and categories
established in the law, enforceable, to cudgel
the helpless uninitiated into poor submission.
We're here to make living for people better, not the other way around.
And all that articulate superbness also makes them intimidating, like me?
DAN
(Molly, I admire you so much.)
MOLLY
(Dan...I...I...luh)
CLIFTON
Whoa! Whoa! Look at this. I think I found him. Yes!
DAN
(What? You can tell me. I love you.)
MOLLY
(I'm so confused.)
DAN
(Molly...)
MOLLY
(Dan...)
CLIFTON
Listen! "Grand Kahuna Bill Menaechmi, seen here accepting a participant's cup from this year's organizing committee has competed in the annual Masters Surfing Championship ever since the association established the event. Bill's never won, but he's always showed up. Speaking earlier to International Surfing News' Pipeline Peggy, Bill had this to say, 'You know, I started surfing as a kid to ride waves and meet surfer girls -- and the great joys in life just don't change.'" Uh-huh -- man, only one tired ass geezer could say something that lame. I bet it's him -- retiree surfing bum, the perfect incognito for our -- big-time -- evader financier.
MOLLY
Let's not let wishful thinking jump us to conclusions.
DAN
Unless we know we're right.
CLIFTON
Let's go. Activate! What do you think we're doing here? Waiting for retirement? Find this guy's social pages and run the namecheck again for the birthdate. And then we're going to send ninjaman here blow his cover and take him down, yeah!
DAN
Going to make him my friend first, hu-hu.
MOLLY
Well, the birthdate checks out. Looks like you could be right.
CLIFTON
I'm probably right. I mean how many William Harold Menaechmis can there be out there, born on the same day?
DAN
Man, look at these pics. Talk about a life lived in low-rent beachland. No taxpaying here, hey?
MOLLY
There should be taxpaying everywhere, by everybody -- even if it's just a little itty bit, so all citizens are in the same system -- together.
CLIFTON
C'mon, we are all lawyers here and you know as well as I do all them lawyers in Congress could never get together and dare to pass a tax law that would be same for all when all are not financially the same.
DAN
Yeah, but tell us anyway, what's it going to be like, your tax code built on the wisdom of working moms?
MOLLY
To fit with wealth and earnings for richer for poorer like we live that now? I'm sorry, mentally we're just not ready for that -- maybe because we're lawyers -- and recoil from reasonable equity that's equal, but is so unfair that it's unjust?
DAN
Just because we're lawyers doesn't mean we're like in our own, separate reality.
MOLLY
That, my dear Counsel, is a debatable proposition.
And if the only thing, truly equal
in this life for all, is that it ends?
So if life is unequal, unfair and unjust
why should taxes make it more so? If what --
a hell so paved with special favors
and fine intentions -- is what we have now
that through complexity and would-be fairness
unintendingly enables even more
inequality in dignity in treatment before the law?
DAN
Molly, taxes is about money -- like just to pay for necessary government
CLIFTON
And short-sighted preventive wars and income transfers and all the rights securing the state provides -- like through your salary and mine?
MOLLY
What we decide to do with the money is different from how we decide to get it -- that's the deep difference in outlook -- why we're not ready. Taxation is not a fundraising problem, it's an empowerment issue.
CLIFTON
That's why the poor are kept out. So go on...right on.
MOLLY
Near ev'ry pol'cy, paradoxic'ly
(like marriage intends fulfilling bliss
but yet is so much frustration and constraint?)
in unintended consequences also makes
results so opposite to its ends when seen
from perspectives other than those of its design.
So, I'm just suggesting, why not choose
equality over fairness, simplicity over complexity,
empowerment over indignity,
and live with those dysfunctions
for the sake of truly equal under law,
taxing only individuals as citizens
and all each owns under the law's
astonishing array of Chinese boxes and Russian dolls
in a way that's truthful about who has
how much more or less in the way we live today.
CLIFTON
Wow...Molly... You're suggesting no more taxes on corporations and other things like that?
MOLLY
I'm suggesting only people pay for their government -- so it's really theirs.
DAN
Paying taxes a privilege for persons only? Like regardless of... Yeah, that'u'd be great but
CLIFTON taking out his phone, etc.
Fact is you can figure it right here on any one of these how-rich/how-poor apps -- fill in all the fields that make up -- or are just symptomatic of -- the difference financially and it tells you right off exactly where you line up in our globe's soon-to-be ten billion strong human spectrum of denudedly paupered to regaledly billionaired -- and some'll work it down to your state, zip code or block. With what big data knows, the results are always pretty much exactly the same even though all the different apps can't agree at all on what all fields and factors to use to calibrate relative positioning, that we all know so well how to so precisely feel.
MOLLY
And so all the great tax lawyers'll recycle their wit
from parsing the law to parsing appraisals
of what's worth how much? Be a whole industry
now quite exact at appraising and assessing all
you have, or don't; and earned, or didn't; or gained
in capital besides, or don't have the wherewithall
to even start -- and the algorithms are easy and at hand
to calculate each burden in a way we can agree
is fair enough, and light enough for each
to bear eas'ly enough, yet still, still progressive,
inter-linked to every one of all the other ones
that related duly share the price of rights
secured for enabling happiness' pursuit.
DAN
You're right. But Molly, to hell with taxes.
We got more important things to deal with now.
Molly..Molly..Molly, my love,
Love's all I think of. Every day, all day, love takes
away all thoughts but one -- the will to taking you.
And yeah, I'm now the fool that that love makes
of men who'll dare to live a love that's true.
And through workdays' this 'n' that 'n' hassle 'n' jive
what started out as mere attraction's been transformed
into a deep'ning admiration that sparked alive
my ambition for desire and left reformed
the way I look at what I want to do in life.
And yeah, my guess is I'm more shocked than you
that who I want is you, and as my wife.
So Molly, now I got to know, can you love me too?
If not, then put me down and forever leave it be;
If so, then for worse or better plan on taking me.
MOLLY
I do.
CLIFTON
Man, the things that go on in an office -- and you'd never know it.
MOLLY
What're are you doing always going off and talking straight with the people in the audience? That's like breaking the spell, you know.
DAN
Yeah. This is supposed to be a serious play. About making dysfunctional taxation policy truly representational!?
CLIFTON
Who else am I going to talk with? Look at you two. Locked up like with only each other like there's nobody else really there. Whoa! Episode three -- True Love Comes True.
MOLLY
No... I can't -- not now... Oh Dan how can I believe you?
DAN
Molly...?
CLIFTON
Whoa! Stop. Hold everything. Episode four -- She Changes Her Mind.
MOLLY
If you're using your mind, you're also changing it.
CLIFTON
Man be smart, but woman smarter.
MOLLY
Oh! This way we're never going to catch any crooks. Now we got to get to this guy
CLIFTON
Pursue this case! Where do these guys hang out, anyway? I mean where is he? I don't even think his lawyer knows. Like now, he could be virtually present anywhere -- live on a boat in the middle of the ocean and still run all his in-, and dis- investments -- like right from a handheld.
DAN
Like right from his surfer pad there. But he's also got a wife and apartment in New York. I didn't mention we found the address and all earlier.
MOLLY
Why not?
DAN
I was thinking about something else.
MOLLY
Don't stop. We'll see.
CLIFTON
Here we go again. And somebody called?
DAN
Yeah, various times. We even talked to his wife. Every time, she said call him at the office, and..strange..every time she said if we got him, tell him she'd like to talk him too.
MOLLY
Like what? He quit talking to her? Like not long after the honeymoon?
CLIFTON
And we all know what happens when we call the office.
DAN
So he's got to have a hideaway -- out there right by low-rent big-waves beach -- and we can find it, and his email address there.
MOLLY
So send him the riot act. Tell him he's got to be at his apartment in New York in one week's time -- ten AM one week from today to the day -- exact -- so we can talk to him -- or else. Draft something up, and I want to see it before it goes.
CLIFTON at workstation while Dan and Molly look over his shoulder
We'll get somebody right on it. In fact, this one I'm going to do myself -- now. "Greetings" -- that should get him anxiating if he's got any memory.
DAN
Wait til he gets to the signature line, he'll be laced through with fear -- "Sincerely, Clifton C. Mayfield, Director, Office of Criminal Investigations, United States Internal Revenue Service".
MOLLY
No, this one I'll sign myself. But go easy on the legalistic slam stuff -- get some fear tingle his spine, but make it make sense -- we got to like show respect for all taxpayers, like they're also citizens, even the deadbeat ones.
CLIFTON
I got it. Yo, it's me -- at the writing person's potter's wheel -- phrase turning, molding and twirling, encising and tailing, yes! -- memo-making -- from the Earthlive language playclaydough -- and give me some hotter topping here than "dilatory compliance" to go with the hmmm-good home-boy boilerplate basil and tomato sauce.
DAN
"Deadbeat ways."
MOLLY
No, leave it, "your seemingly dilatory, compliance record".
DAN
You're not just a great lawyer, you're a great bureaucrat.
MOLLY
I'm a great lot of other things.
DAN
I know.
CLIFTON
Yeah yeah, "seemingly dilatory, compliance record requires a review, including a personal availability for a statement by you"
DAN
"under oath."
MOLLY
No, no need -- superfluous.
CLIFTON
Yeah, career criminals specialize in lying under oath -- could be professional actors -- "accompanied by counsel, as is your right, in regard to your adherence to the stipulations applicable to the calculation of your personal income tax liability pursuant to Title 26 Code of Federal Regulations" and I got all the right cites right here..like I'm doing this in my sleep.
MOLLY
Go for it. That complicated how they passed it, that must be how we want it. Still...so we should all be rich tax lawyers.
CLIFTON
There. How's that? And so the bottom line here's Molly
MOLLY
S. Pistol
DAN
Deputy Commissioner
MOLLY
for Services and Enforcement
CLIFTON
United States Internal Revenue Service.
DAN
I'm losing my boots -- fever shivering -- just hearing it.
CLIFTON
So what's the "S" for?
MOLLY
Sarah -- like in salt of the earth.
DAN
Yeah.
CLIFTON
So? Good to go?
MOLLY
Great. Send it. Even if we just get a receipt confirmation, we'll know there's somebody's there.
CLIFTON
Gone. Laserlight down the glass wire.
MOLLY
Okay. Hey, let's all go shopping -- and the espressos're on me.
CLIFTON
I hear you there.
DAN
I'm down for that. So Clifton, what's the C for?
CLIFTON
Calvin, Dan; what else?
MOLLY
Dan...
DAN
Molly...
CLIFTON
Let's go. Aw, look at you two -- you should go off dance-and-singing.
MOLLY
What? Like do a sing-and-move number?
DAN
Yeah -- that's always a great way to end a scene.
CLIFTON
Uh-huh. Like "Internal Revenue Service -- the Musical" -- I think a lot of people here would appreciate that. Am I right?
singing and dancing etc.
CLIFTON
Hmmm...
DAN
Hmmm...
MOLLY
Hmmm...
I was born a happy baby
safe at home with ma and pa
never thought I'd leave my fam'ly
for that cold cruel world so raw
but afer all my school and learnin'
got grown up and started earnin'
and aw -- jeepers creepers -- here is what I saw:
I saw miles and miles of taxes
big as that wide blue Texas sky
I saw miles and miles of taxes
that I'd be paying til I die.
And if you're someone like me
just an average you or you
oh my oh say can you see
that there's not much we can do --
set up so the rich pay poorly
with the poor shut out completely
so the paylifting that's heavy 's all done by me and you:
so you got miles and miles of taxes
clear as that big wide Texas sky
yeah you got miles and miles of taxes
that you'll be paying til you die.
♦
§ § §
I 3: background is low-rent surfer pad of California Bill (CAB); CAB comes on from a morning of surfing as his dog, Woofie, either comes on with CAB or is already on, waiting. The dog can be played a real dog or by a robot-prop dog or the barks, yowls, etc. can be heard from off as CAB talks to the dog, the dog responds, etc.
CALIFORNIA BILL
HA-ARGH! Ride, ride, ride! Ride, ride, ride!
Ho sea, sea-wave rider, see what you've done to me;
you made me love you, and now I can't get free.
Mighty, mighty barrelback, take me in your hand --
heaven's glassroom greenlight where so happily I stand!
Hey, Woof -- oh Woofie baby -- we're back. And I --
yeah -- rode like a young man, like a young man again.
Oh yes yes yes -- and you're such a good dog! Oh yes!
And nothing left in this traitor world of disillusion and
deception that a man can trust, save a good and faithful dog
to talk to, and a strong, clean wave to ride.
Cause I love the life I live. And I live the life I love.
Got that wild surf in my blood. Cause I'm a wave-rider, baby.
Hear me now, Woofie. Hear me now.
WOOFIE
Woof, woof etc.
CALIFORNIA BILL
Huh-oh..ohh-ah! Sing out like a primate,
made his self king, kill-cry of the hero --
triumph here today, cause you know tomorrow
hard death just waits there, everyone's fate.
Yeah-ah, but not today, so my life's a rave
cause I'm come home from a hot date
with a mighty mighty, cool cool wave.
Oh Woofie if you knew -- like laughter, like singing, dogs don't surf either huh?
WOOFIE
Woof, woof etc.
CALIFORNIA BILL
Ohohoho-oh, ohohoh-oh, take me to the sand shoreline;
ohohoho-oh, ohohoh-oh, pad me out past the breakline;
catch me one down-the-line line-up and:
feel the heart that stirs 'neath them ocean ribs,
like Earth herself she sigh and breathe;
then rush me stoked cause I got dibs
on the song that sings in that curler's seethe.
Sea of mine,
see me so small,
in that breaker's line
that takes it all.
Ho-daddy-momma feel life herself done come in heat;
when I got that monster boomer 'neath my feet!
Ho, Woofie, and someday soon these old bones'll fade out under -- get worked one last time over destiny's falls -- and that'll be the last time for this old man surfer, huh, Woof? And you're an old dog too now.
WOOFIE
Woof, woof etc.
CAB
Hey, let's get a shot of that old joe going -- nothing like that java for chasing age and melancholy away. It's the children's hands that pick it give it that rejuvenating power. You want to hear a joke, Woof? You know, could be like the material writers and advisors write for the talk show hosts and politicians on TV, like for an opening monologue or presidential debate.
W
Woof, woof etc.
CAB
Yeah I know -- what you really want's one them who-knows-what-they-put-in-it bone-bisqui-treats -- give 'em that eternal shelf-life flavor -- probably put the same stuff in our food -- no wonder we're all living so long -- good dog! oh yes!
W
Woof, woof etc.
CAB
Yeah well, I'm going to tell you anyway. Say you're Sherlock Holmes in America today and walk into the dwelling place of somebody from that viral ballooning -- what've the politicians made up to call it so it sounds like what it isn't -- that newly financially challenged demographic -- En-Eff-Cee-Dee -- sounds like some kind of financially transmitted debility huh? -- and so how can you tell if who lives there's the new, used-to-be middle -class working poor or the old, always-with-you culture-of-poverty poor?
W
Woooooof etc.
CAB
You can't tell can you? Yeah, well wait til you have start eating that poor poor people's dog food.
W
Woooooof etc.
CAB
You don't think it's funny? Huh.. Wouldn't connect? Audience just flat-wall at you? Ain't no bunker-buster facts known to all can penetrate collective denial -- that once the dream's dead for too many, it's dead for all. Okay, so that was a trial joke and like you're my focus group. Hey Woof, you know how political advisors pick focus groups? Like lawyers pick juries. No wonder them politicians think we think they're not guilty of just talking that equal opportunity trash talk while still just working for the rich.
W
Woooooof... etc.
CAB
I knew I'd make you laugh, Woofie -- and not just 'cause I love you -- 'cause it's too true -- successful pols ain't got no other option -- 'cause the money-givers just got them locked up cold -- must feel like some kind of psychic jail almost, be trapped in that system, sucking all them fundraising dicks all day and night. But like anything else, you get used to it I guess -- dislocate and numb out -- or you get out and leave the life. Mmmh..it's a thrill to that sense when first struck by something smell so good. Dig it! Kind of the opposite of smelling you, huh Woofie? But I do love you anyway. Which brings up digging the thousand stresses of making means to meet the ends to keep you in that dog food fit for humans and keep me in this nectar fit for gods. Whoa, Woof, like I like it -- crude oil thick and jet fuel potent. Huh!
But every pleasure's haunted by the nagging spur
of work to find to stand and parry all
the cut and slash of bills that life keeps raining due --
the food, the rent, the car, the this, the that -- til you
can near drop dead from sheer exhaustion, yeah
right there down 'cross your own threshold fighting hard
to keep that got-no-backstop-money wolf at bay.
W
Woof, woof etc.
CAB
Oh 'way too tired to still head for the beach --
the way the stress of ever-straitened means --
that pressure's -- got that constant drop on you
dead in its cross-hairs and embitters even sweet
and well-earned pleasures. So why not just let go,
go for release from being responsible, and take
to that ol' sugarweed and whiskey honey
right from the daily get-go breakfast of losers
and have that wolf just come on in, and make
his own self right at home and run your life
right down to ruin? Whoa-hey! Come on in right now,
Mister Wolf, and sit right here and watch with me
some hype-up lietime made just to take our money --
for you and me, twenty-four seven, right here on pixelperfect,
giant TV til we're both too drugged and drunk to see --
that we don't even have, huh Woofie? Well someday, maybe?
W
Woooooof... etc.
CAB
Yeah, you would vote against it -- kick-out and sink, warm in self-pity, enveloped in helplessness' swell -- so okay -- not today either 'cause you need them squares a day of that supermarket yummy-yuk dog food right on the beep of the habitual hour? Right, Woof? And if I had it in me I'd tell you another joke -- about how can you tell the difference 'tween all them years with the wolf still just outside and all them years with the wolf inside, living right here at home with you?
And there but for fortune, and habits of the will...
til the humiliation and debilities of old and tired
take down core capability -- still try or don't try --
and both the stand on their own and the fallen down
become the same -- old and poor and respectless.
Stay strong, stay sober, stay sane -- and keep surfing --
only way to survive getting old and getting poorer.
But so far, so good, right? Yeah! and after chow-down and caffeine happy-time and I check me e-mails, you and me Woofie baby we're going for a walk -- yeah -- maybe meet some good looking dogs walking their surfer girls?
W
Woof! woof! etc.
CAB
wait a minute... Yeah, why not? -- and we'll meet some good looking dolls too -- like you. Every day's your lucky day when you can ride some great waves and talk to a good dog. Yeah, good dog!
W
Woof, woof etc.
CAB
Good too, huh? Right on the beep of the habitu'l hour --
so good for me. Until one of these days
on one of those big waves I'll miss -- misread --
despite keen cunning, daily practice...and
the devil -- nope, there ain't but math-cold mass kinetics --
in them tons of stonestiff hurtling water,
crumple me right up and break my ass.
So if you're lucky then the why I don't come back
to feed you's just I'm laid up in the hospital --
but they won't let me out 'cause I can't pay
'cause there's no insurance I can pay for'll pay for me.
So you're the one that's got to come to get
me to come-to and get me out. Yeah! So how 'bout that
for a true-life brave and faithful dog adventure for you?
And keep your chops tight on that selfie stick
while you're dodging, running on your your way,
and quick you'll be the world's most viral doll of all!
Sneak into that disfunction semi-antiseptic death dungeon,
jump up on my bed and drool me up awake -- escape!
But then, the ones that people actually have,
they're never the accidents they expected --
ones they stayed focused on staying prevented.
Still, I still need surfing like I need a broken hip.
'Cause, well that's the way it just is, Woof --
to live super-hip and happy's like a full-time job
so work, like's got to slip to a part-time gig in life --
so maybe they could do a hipness replacement too? --
while I'm waiting for you to come get me --
and I could come-to like focused on taking up
something else that's passionate and 'way serious
and so true-cool like surfing is -- like music.
W
Woooooof... etc.
CAB
What do you mean, "wooooof"? "Darling" -- and she did -- "how can you even think something like that about me? I'm not just some stupid loser surfer dude..." I'm an okay singer too, Woofie, I am! And she left me -- just like that. Even though I thought she loved me. Like I'm not practical enough or something. "Why can't you buckle down and get real? Aren't you afraid of the future?" "What future?" -- that's what got to her. "Do this, don't do that; go there, be here; fix this, change that; why didn't you...!? Don't you see what's going to happen?" "Fine! Don't worry about it, I'll take care of it!" "But darling, I got to go surfing". Like surfing's not real, or what? Huh, so no more true-love wonder-woman for me in life -- like I'm wiped out and heartbroken worked over -- no more riding love's waves of emotion, no more chilling in love's calm sea of conversational companionship...gentle swells like long sighs of sleepy tenderness before the heave and curl and ecstasy of erotic wonderness? Yah, don't worry about it. The worst won't happen will it? 'Cause it has? In every way. So all that's left to sing a song of sadness at love's loss? Listen to me Woofie, and sing with me too.
W
Woooooof... etc.
If the dog is played by an agile robot-prop dog with good sound capability, the dog sings and dances too.
If words could move the sun round
across the nights and days,
if worlds could trace our footsteps back
and show us a different way,
we'd listen to our story
just to see how it might end --
if words could only bring our love back again.
And if words could take us back to
when that time was ours,
and lead us to the box or bin
where we misplaced those hours,
we'd listen to our story
just to see how it might end --
if words could only bring our love back again.
So we went in search of new things --
how could we know what we were choosing?
Pixie dust and wanderlust
were in our eyes and blinded us.
But if words could turn back rivers
up the mountains from the sea,
if words could put a heartbeat back
in our stone-cold memory,
we'd listen to our story
just to see how it might end --
if words could only bring our love back again.
People change and love is fragile
but sometimes I still imagine,
in between our dreams and lies
where the moment passed us by.
We'd listen to our story
just to see how it might end --
if words could only bring our love back again,
if words could only bring our love back again.
CAB
How 'bout that, huh?
W
Woooooof... etc.
CAB
What do you mean, "wooooof"?
Okay, so maybe I should stick to surfing, huh?
At least there I know what I'm really doing?
Cause if there's one place where I'm always so
full focused on the churning forces' balance,
it's footed on that joystick deck when waves get big --
so like a wingset in heavy weather and pilots if
they're any good at all, huh Woof? Oh yeah.
Why we always try to take the train, huh?
And anyway ol' miz lonely what's-her-name next door,
she'll come by and let you out come get me --
like I go by, watching out for her, in case I see
something's amiss. So how'd we get, so wordless,
to this deal -- like it was plain neighborliness
that orchid exotic and unspoken like
some wild osmosis blooms between
the lone lost humans drear in this urban manglesplat --
what were their dreams as individuals,
now fantasies so all so faded too,
so all that's left is life with no more hope
of change that's real -- like Spring-green tendril buds
of give me something more to grow and live-for?
It's hope has to die the last I guess
or we'd give up that ghost right now and exit?
Back alone? What's the spark of shared...what?
Huh, Woof? And oh it's true, you're such a good dog!
W
Woof, woof etc.
CAB
Like to will to action for community's companionship?
Like that's my problem now? What if she was right?
Like me now -- my age and permanently temping, man...
And good thing that for honesty, and sound
work habits with strong math and lit'racy skills,
and 'way low pay, there's always some work out there.
Huh, Woof? And I won't let you down...I hope.
So put up the gitars, lock down the song time,
and wake the screen, light up the gateway and let's see --
wait a minute -- think I'll make another thimbleful
of this bewitch-me brew, against the no-news/bad-news
that in all liklihood is all that's in
that e-mail stack. Yeah, don't you know it too?
And while I'm there like find out who's gone naked latest
like that great news should mean something to me?
Hey, they say that everybody gets some good news,
eventually -- maybe the last news everybody gets?
So crank her up, and let's see what fool work
they're maybe offering me. But still,
I'd be remiss to not think on in deepest thanks
oh all the good taxpayers out there for paying,
and paying for all those years for me of free,
great public schools -- so I could throw away
my life this way on happiness and surfing,
and barely make a living anyway.
Woofie baby, I'm going to finish this coffee tell you a story, okay?
W
Woooooof... etc.
CAB
Well, I'm going to tell you anyway. Once upon a time there was an happy man who lived in the U.S.A. with a happy dog. And he lived believing in effectively secured rights and representative self-government and the free enterprise way of life. And what did it get him? High expectations and hard dissapointments. But, the hope to it had such a hold on him, that despite the sense experience should've drove into him, he just couldn't let go the possible of it. And he figured out the good it gave him he got from how he held fast to the dream, despite the hurt and dismay of the facts of fortune, life and power around him here. How 'bout that, huh Woof?
W
Woooooof... etc.
CAB checking his e-mail
Wouldn't vote for that either, huh? Too much realism. Tell me about it, Roof. My dad was that way too -- nothing ever worked out for him, but he kept believing it could -- maybe part of the reason the marriage he never talked about broke up -- leastways he kept me going to school anyway. Glad I don't have kids -- 'cept you, huh? hah! -- way we've let so much of teaching and learning slide away to let's-all-just-pretend-it's-education. Man, got to update the screen life around here too one of these days. This thing's like flying a DC-3 today. Got indelible grime like oil leaks on the keyboard cowling, and blunt and slow like a lumbering gnat in CPU speed and power. Huh? "IRS dot gov"? Man, talk about haywire networks misdelivering. Why would they want me? Wait a minute! "Greetings." Whoa -- when they're too old to draft, draft their money instead, if they got any. ... Man... "Molly S. ...noooo... Deputy Commissioner for..." What'd I do? Woofie, this is no joke, they're going to send me to the taxpayer equivalent of Guantanamo. And oh don't try come and and get me there in government secrets-and-unaccountability-land, you be dead-dog-electrocuted by the time your selfie-stick brushed the first fence.
W
Woooooof... etc.
CAB
You're telling me? And they say I got to be there too..that address in New York -- one week from today, ten ayem -- or else! William Harold Menaechmi -- yeah -- they got my name, date of birth..hu-uh, somebody rich stole my identity, so they could pass for poor? That'll be the day. ... They got my socials too..it's got to be me. What're we going to do, Woof?
W
Woooooof... etc.
CAB
You're on. They want me, they'll get me --
and a piece of my mind on their chumpster way
of dissing everyday people without even trying.
Go on and eat the last of that, we're going
W
woooooof... etc.
CAB
Not that good anymore, now you're not hungry?
And no we're not now going for a walk
to see ol' ms. lonely down the street -- cause she
wants too bad to be in love with me and I can't take it,
all that hurt and needfulness out there everywhere --
but she'll like be taking care of you a time
'cause, like it was time of my youth come back
from, well, the past anyway, I'm driving clear cross country
and make this gig with these government gals. Let's go, Woof.
So where we're going now is size-up our pawprint,
get in the car and burn that gasoline right over
to the highrent park side clear 'cross town
so that way we can walk round there instead --
that way the only thing strung out'll be
the waterfall hair of dolls in the sun and breeze,
walking their surfer dogs, and not the souls
tressed up in dim lit dank and stillness there
behind the junkie eyes in the park round here.
W
Woooooof... etc.
CAB
That's right -- and you're going to meet the dogdoll of your dreams,
walking her take-your-breath-away like a cannon shot
clone-of-some-star woman. Yeah, I personally guarantee it. I do.
What else have they go to do but look so good?
Like you -- oh yes you're such a beautiful dog you!
Not like some poor outsider that's got to fight
for community cause the rich dogs don't need it --
it's the lost dogs need that humane society,
and that's not you now mister supermarket yuk-yummies. Uh-uh!
And you should'a seen yourself when we first started,
and I pulled you out so you could be a saved-hound
from whatever grinder they send greyhounds when
they're done with and can no longer run -- and they
my guess is put that in the fishfarm food
so me -- and you -- all get to eat it too --
and why can't they feed them farm fish what
them fish they eat in nature -- like insect egg
flour pellets and not that wheat belly flaky food
from the carbon crazy cereals agrafury? Huh?
Problem ain't progress can't happen --
problem is every vested interest makes sure
no progress happens that cuts its sacred margin.
W
Woof, woof etc.
CAB laughing
Yeah! And you? You used to be so dis-esteemed,
so vicious-scared, sad-whine bedraggled --
now look at you, mister lord-dog byronic,
after all my years of richly spoiling you --
you proud and perfect super-good-dog you --
so now we get to drive clear 'cross town this way
so you can walk at home with your own kind.
So that way might as well head clear 'cross country too.
W
Woof, woof etc.
CAB
Ho! Whoa! Head me cross the wide country.
Ho! Whoa! Take me home to the highway.
And then we're going to take you down the street
to ol' ms lonely, and I'm going to crank up the wreckster --
if it can make it to that park (before
they lock-out securitize-privatize that too)
clear 'cross the social planet of the city's
demographics spectrum, it can make it
clear 'cross the country to New York City --
yeah, drive them three thousand miles all the way!
Sixty-Six backwards, Woof, just to see once more
who all's there still there from sea to shining sea.
Like the girl I left behind -- like she didn't leave me --
you're going to wait for me, right Woof? Wait for me
like you always do when I hit that hard safariing --
that in the end's where all my money goes.
W
Woof, woof etc.
CAB
Listen to me now, listen to me Woofie!
Yes if you ever plan to head back East,
take that highway, take that my way
that's the road that's travelled least --
ribbon of dreams that wraps a continent away.
'Cause yes I'm leaving that el-lay tangleland behind,
got bright dawn on one side, dark ocean the other,
oh my engine's spurring, I am still dreaming,
past the last of the nightlife, fast fading, still eying --
down Santa Monica's boulevard ride.
Mountains and desert, still a long way away,
now it's all one endless suburb that grows more every day.
Yo San Bernadino! And on down to the flat wide
of Barstow to Ludlow -- so big and so still, so hot and so dry.
Hey adios, California (el diablo can have you),
and hi ho, yippee yay, here I am, Arizona!
Kingman to Winslow like I'm some rocket on wheels --
can't stand to stop that's how good this highway feels!
So I'm oh so small 'neath that big sky so high,
but I'll hold this whole world inside till the moment I'll die.
Gas and some chow now in ol' New Mexico
and back hard on the road -- Gallup to Tucumcari!
Soon as I get there I'm raring to go -- so, oh Amarillo!
but I got miles still of Texas, so why, what me worry?
Ho, whoa, whoa, whoa, oh here's Oklahoma --
and if I don't get some sleep it'll all soon be over;
it's a restless motel with that cheap sex aroma
but romance of the road's for dream-sweet rolling in clover!
Morning, big breakfast, some oil for the car
and I'm in Missouri 'fore the day's gone too far.
But gave a quick kiss to Kansas, that's all she'd allow.
Come on, listen to me Woofie cause I'm cooking now!
Wheat fields to cornfields and then here starts that sprawl
I'm close to St.Louie -- could be anyplace urban at all.
And I'm beginning to feel that I'm tiring of this trip
til there grand and so pretty's mighty Mississip.
Roll on big muddy 'neath them six lanes below
I'd love to slow flow you down but I got too long to go.
Now land of Lincoln, launch some hope in me
that still brave 'n' free can take pow'r from money --
not vigilant 'nuff for, for of and by
it'll turn out another fool empty lie.
And I'm on to Chicago and the end of that road --
and I still got half the country to bop by you know!
Yeah, if you ever plan to head back East,
take that highway, take that my way
that's the road that's travelled least --
ribbon of dreams that wraps a continent away.
Now, come on Woofie, let's go.
W
Woof! woof! woof! etc.
*
♦ ♦
§
II 1: background is apartment of NY Bill; characters are Alice and Amanda; Alice and Amanda are identical twin sisters. Alice is on as doorbell rings and Amanda arrives.
ALICE
Oh 'Manda, my Amanda thanks oh thanks
so much for coming as I'm really not,
not much myself these days, and wish so bad
I didn't have to face exactly why.
AMANDA
Oh Alice, Alice I'm here straight from the airport --
your message here got me worried so --
so what's diff'rent now that hasn't been this way for...?
ALICE
Oh nothing I suppose 'cept just with time
I see so much more clear the bleak an no-end,
and inner dislocation I've
been living now so long.
AMANDA
It's desolation that you mean?
ALICE
Oh I mean both, may be, for all I know.
Where I am in my life I feel there's no..no..
no me who's there for something worth my time. I'm...
AMANDA
Oh my Alice, oh don't cry, here let me hold you --
though there's the other me would blurt to you:
go back to denial, it works for me -- so far.
ALICE
Amanda, all our lives when I've been sobbing
you turn it right around and make it end in laughter.
AMANDA
What else is left to reach for but to laugh,
as acting through our lives this way we wend
through carefree freefall merrily tumbling
numb with absurdity, anguished with memory
of how we thought that it was going to be;
and when we wish we didn't have to look,
we see the spectre of the truth that this
is all there is -- haranguing us -- jumping up,
dismaying so our resentful mind
we wish we could make it shut its eyes and flee.
ALICE
It didn't used to be that way for me or you.
AMANDA
Yeah.
ALICE
Oh how it all comes back to me, your arms
so strong and warm around me now --
our childhood so together -- along with all
that then came after; oh how does life go wrong
so bad when we've got everything that's good?
AMANDA
Yeah, yeah. ... If things could make us happy
why with all the stuff we all got now
we'd all be blithely billionaire in bliss
and happiness.
ALICE
If things...
AMANDA
Hey, no poor little rich girl -- not me, not you.
ALICE
You're right.
AMANDA
And make me a cup of decent tea now will you,
and tell me all about --'bout all...what all
we both already know.
ALICE
I'll be right back.
AMANDA
And anyplace that I should put my suitcase?
Never mind. Alice, why, in a neurotically neat,
for-the-glossies hyper-palace such as this
is there -- no, I get it, I get it --
contemporary art, like you can walk right by it --
a picture-perfect installation piece
of a vintage vacuum cleaner smackeye square
in the middle of this living room floor?
ALICE
Yeah, so you remember? It used to be mom's --
and I had it renewed.
AMANDA
So it's completely old and tired and completely new and now?
ALICE
Yeah and I also found and bought another one
that's like exactly like it on the web --
so I've got two in case you want one too?
AMANDA
Alice, I want to be a normal woman -- so I
like need more housework like I need a hole in the head.
And Alice, oh my Alice you got to let it go --
the past, and all what should've..could've..been,
but didn't turn out that way at all...not at all.
And anyway why don't you get a maid?
ALICE
'Cause I don't speak those other languages,
and I don't like being with people I can't talk to.
AMANDA
So get a maid with a college degree in English.
With all the money your husband's got why not
get a whole platoon of maids with PhDs?
And you're still pushing 'round the vacuum,
making the beds and doing the dishes?
ALICE
And what did our mother do most of her life?
And anyway, there's only one bed here to make.
AMANDA
She had kids.
ALICE
Right. Us.
AMANDA
We were so lucky.
ALICE
We were. Here.
AMANDA
Thanks.
ALICE
It's so good of you Amanda to come to see me.
You look so great too, like you always do.
I can see where you've been. How was it?
And someday maybe, Bill and me can go to Milan too?
AMANDA
More likely he'd just buy a chunk of Italy
and ship it over here.
AMANDA
Freeze dried and stackable if possible -- and all
so he wouldn't have to take time to share it with me?
AMANDA
C'mon, I didn't mean it that way. You've always
turned things around against yourself that way.
And trip was great. Milan this -- anytime -- of year --
who cares about the weather -- there's always
great music, great coffee, great clothes if you know
where to find them. And that part of next season's line's
almost a wrap -- don't know if I'm groggy from
the airplane air or blur of tech packs and color cards
and hecticness of work -- and now I'm back.
ALICE
So what did you do, Amanda?
AMANDA
I worked.
I went to the opera.
I bought clothes.
I drank too much coffee.
I put up with a lot of boring idiots,
and so drank 'way too much spumante.
ALICE
You have such a glamorous life, Amanda -- you do!
AMANDA
And I did it all alone...
ALICE
You always had the special life. Not me.
Mom made you the star and me the houseworm
because she thought we'd be happier that way,
closer to our characters and nature.
AMANDA
Loving parents know their children better than
ALICE
We maybe know ourselves?
AMANDA
And if they're wrong
then does love redeem mistakes it's made
ALICE
and harm it's done?
AMANDA
That I don't know.
ALICE
I know
I didn't really mind, I think, because
I love you so, and could I felt live through
admiring you -- you had it all it seemed --
and like destined for it -- even were a covergirl --
and I remember that like it was yesterday
the thrill I felt seeing your face up there
looking down on all from the newstand rack.
Some guys back then they even started
looking at me too, seeing I looked like you.
I still laugh now the way you launched
a thousand dreams like some daydream epidemic'd hit
like all the guys got stricken by a moonlook flu
and all the girls got green wishing to be you
across the campus and those of all our sister schools.
AMANDA
Those were the days, and nights, and life and friends,
and sulturation in dreamlike plans, back then --
how we felt so special, so unselfconsciously entitled
to great success, and even greater happiness.
ALICE
Amanda, you have tremendous success.
AMANDA
I do have that, and thank God for it. And you --
I know -- Alice, it shouldn't feel that way.
ALICE
You're the one who told me once it's no
use telling others how they should feel 'cause they
feel like they do. For me, now it's too late.
AMANDA
You have an ashtray around here? In this
lab-clean model of firm discernment
and calm and sound aesthetic judgement.
ALICE
Amanda, I can't believe you still smoke.
AMANDA
Well, at least I'm not smoking anything else.
ALICE
Amanda! And at your age.
AMANDA
I'm going to arrange for an award for you
my Alice, for being among the few remaining,
with the moral sense and sound sensibility to still
be shocked by irresponsible, self-indulgent, bad behavior.
ALICE
Like Mom used to say.
They laugh together.
AMANDA
May be it's not too late -- ever -- to earn
the arduous success of trying to change --
though your life Alice maybe needs to be
more messed up on the outside, and less inside.
ALICE
Unlike yours? Look who's talking.
AMANDA
Deep down, I'm so sanely, neuroright together
it scares me -- and all I want's go crazy
over someone deserving to give me all to.
Is it tragedy or farce to be and live
a pretty decent, goodstrong person and
have never lived true love, so being-transforming,
deep and lasting
ALICE
Before it's all too late?
AMANDA
Yeah...yeah. Well if eighty's the new sixty -- we're not yet forty!
ALICE
You have any boyfriends, at all?
AMANDA
No, but I have the accessories our advertising promises will get me the ideal one.
ALICE
Now let me hold you.
AMANDA
Oh. ... I'm alright. It is the way it is,
however much we might wish it weren't --
we are who we are and there's no changing that --
and we're still the lucky ones by far.
ALICE
Well your name is Amanda -- like maybe
you could win your own Elyot in
the truelove powerball theater lottery?
AMANDA
You know Alice, the way you think it's like
you've missed your destiny -- like should've been
some screwball dafty dame in a romcom play.
ALICE
Be so much better than what I am now.
AMANDA
Don't talk like that -- we're stuck with this --
and maybe...oh maybe it'll be alright. I hope.
ALICE
What if no-it-won't?
AMANDA
Yeah, I'll likely get stuck with some goofy dufus
wierdo senior surfer dude lives with a singing dog
who'll never get like even a prelim'nary clue
what an extr'ordinary woman -- me --
he's got who only wants to love him so.
ALICE
What if he really loves you?
AMANDA
What if...what if...
You know what happens when a character
like in a play stops trusting the playmaker
riffing up their destiny of what's to happen
to them in the end?
ALICE
Amanda! Dont' you
now talk like that -- or it's you who...
well I mean that way you'll never be happy.
AMANDA
With my destiny, 'cause not of my own making?
Well why not -- there's so many that're happy
and didn't they make themselves that way?
So well, why not me too...?
ALICE
Don't cry Amanda -- or I'm going to cry too...
AMANDA
Alice all I want's to fall in love and live happily ever after.
ALICE
So do I -- and I've been married for decades!
AMANDA
So what would be the good of saying to you now
you never should've married such a stupid jerk?
ALICE
So now it's too late -- too late for me too?
I'm right -- no-it-won't -- it can't, can't work.
Two old, poor little rich girls fall in love
with the right, good man -- and live happily ever after.
How could anybody even begin to care less?
I mean what could possibly be less interesting
like for the members of a real audience?
AMANDA
What do I care about the members of the audience
in their rich and real otherworld out there?
I want to be happy.
ALICE
You can't be unless they are too!
AMANDA
I need the riches of your fantasy
to make of my poor train of acting bits
a figure of like someone with dignity
that -- almost who -- caring about befits.
You, who experiencing its beauty,
right then, separate the dancer from the dance
possessed of imagination's pow'r'n'generosity
and so transform perform into performance,
separate all my poor speech and gesture
from this poor playing's dysfunction, enabling me
to build, creditably, for your honest pleasure
a character empowered to make her own destiny.
For there's no escaping playing's poverty,
without your investing imagination richly.
ALICE
Why anybody'd invest all that for us?
AMANDA
Invest it for themselves -- in own self-interest
here now in this our living co-present community.
ALICE
Can't work -- that's just not how the world sees old rich girls -- beneath appearances, shiftless, dysfunctional, undeserving and self-pitying -- Amanda, that'u'd be like investing big big money in great great schools for all people equally -- rich and poor and in-between -- give everybody the ever-earning personal capital of an independently great education -- nobody's going to do that -- certainly not in United States today -- where some of us are like busting at the seams with more money than we know what to do with. So we're just going to have to stay the way we are.
AMANDA
"Underneath appearances"? -- frustrated,
disempowered and unhappy, and we'll see
what all we can do 'bout that.
ALICE
No we won't, it's all set up, inexorable --
the powers that be, determined, hard-eyed,
set to better die than cede the slightest
bit of sharing pow'r on others' terms --
like likelier we'd set off devise our own,
listening, overhearing our own best selves,
changing the lines by destiny set down for us?
There's nothing we can do is there?
AMANDA
Don't cry Alice -- or I'm going to cry too...
ALICE
Crying so hard -- the stress of it all I guess --
oh, it's going to like wash all the makeup off my face.
AMANDA
Here's a handkerchief.
ALICE
Ohhh... Well -- wow -- at least that's a really snazzy pocketbook.
AMANDA
Right. The one the clips campaign has reeling in
the glamorous true-love boyfriend -- like it's destiny.
Oh yeah -- our new, day minaudiére my dear, ouf!
Among my babies in this next collection, luv,
and going to be a smash topseller -- and
it's strongly pretty too -- though I'm not sure that matters much --
but stuff it full of big bills and most still can't afford it,
so it's going to sell like hotcakes, clear across
this airport planet everywhere there's lucky ones
for whom money's merely means, not obstacle.
And that's my talent, hunches, of the look
of things that kindle, desire of humans to display.
I think I'm right 'bout this one too. We'll see.
Hard to tell for sure before, with these
these baublets' kind of hype and merchandize.
ALICE
Amanda, you're not in like merchandising -- you're in real high fashion.
AMANDA
Yeah, yeah.
ALICE
And you, you used to have such trenchant thoughts
about the why of it that made it worth your time?
AMANDA
When younger, it's easier to play the glosstough gal
untouchable in glamor's blinding hologram
by any shade of life's dull pain and cares,
and like a hard-boiled smart-aleck say stuff
that sounded so, so good to make me look
so cool.
ALICE
But you, you were -- still are -- the real thing
and said
AMANDA
Stupidities -- like in
ALICE
This world
of constant, shifty change well then why not
trust in what's dead-eye solid ever changing
AMANDA
The fashion and our clothes?
ALICE
And look at you now.
Who also said fashion's only interesting
if you stay perfectly ahead of it?
AMANDA
And look at me look now.
ALICE
Perfect creative every day in every way.
AMANDA
Daily habits -- good and bad -- do we
make them -- or they make us -- to the very end?
As now I look with some dismay at my
devotion to my excellence at this --
proud priestess in the cult of costumeclothes.
ALICE
I'm sure there's nothing easy at all about it.
AMANDA
Well, just don't tell anyone.
ALICE
And we're not just proud of your success,
we're also always hoping the glamor'll rub off.
AMANDA
Yeah, yeah. I do what I can for one and all
in that department too -- leadership by example
and all that -- and why do some resent it so,
they just won't take it -- search me?
So tell me Alice, how're things really here for you?
ALICE
Oh, I don't know -- can't complain.
AMANDA
Alice, that might be a bad habit in your case.
ALICE
Don't be funny; it hurts.
AMANDA
Right.
ALICE
And so what else?
AMANDA
What else? Let's make small talk, shall we?
Forget about all that other stuff you know.
You know, I just got back from Milan. I did.
ALICE
It shows.
AMANDA
It better. ... Maybe I'll never get used to all it costs.
You remember all her attention -- her scrimper's act
and show of love -- mom used to do to keep us
sensible children in sensible clothes at sensible prices?
ALICE
Yes. I remember. Amanda, I've forgotten nothing.
Every day, all day, I remember everything I can;,br />
again, transforming it into memory renewed.
AMANDA
Alice, I told you, you got to let it go.
ALICE
It is so great of you Amanda, come see me
like this -- and you are looking terrific.
AMANDA
Yeah. ... Used to be such a thrill, and now
it's like I'm in an occupational uniform.
ALICE
I didn't just mean that. But that is I guess
what makes you so effortlessly glamorous.
AMANDA
Like I'm just the actorplayer of my own life,
and not a real personcharacter who lives it?
Like expectations pressuring, and yes,
exhalting me -- be pretty! -- in others eyes
so validate and dislocate us all?
And like also of how many of our sisters here?
Like some other wrote my lines in life and life
I live's like not a life wrought by really me?
ALICE
I know. How can it be? We're all set up --
have absolutely everything, and feel so rotten.
AMANDA
So why don't you do something real and dump the guy?
ALICE
No... Mom never would've done that to dad --
and anyway, I'd have to tell him and
AMANDA
Well...?
ALICE
I can't, I never see him.
AMANDA
So?
ALICE
So nothing -- we just go on the way we are.
AMANDA
Longsuffering?
ALICE
Why make it hurt more than it does by saying so?
I have no use for nor no need for the truth --
and I can afford that. So let's talk about you.
AMANDA
Right. I'm running ragged at the office doing -- what?
I don't what thousand things sometimes -- all
the usual cycle of the fashion year,
so forever screechingly new and now.
ALICE
Oh, I'm all alright.
AMANDA
Oh no, you're not.
ALICE
Amanda, I can't be the only wife out there
who's suffering from unrequited dutifulness?
It must be this way for so many -- and so...
so many of them are maids, so who am I to complain?
AMANDA
So flip up some screwball wisecrack,
make sure you don't feel sorry for yourself.
ALICE
Amanda.
AMANDA
Alice I admire you for it. I do. The fortitude,
the commitment to time-immemorial's way
of good wife in good standing for
ALICE
For? In atomization's uncommunity
what's left to stand in good standing in?
AMANDA
That's why you think mom stuck with him?
ALICE
I don't know -- she had kids. And anyway...
anyway I always thought she liked it, the proud and able
homemaker doing all those citizenship associational things --
like everybody depended on her even more than we did --
she mattered as a person in the density of that...
that face-to-face conversational internextion she was in.
AMANDA
Constrained by her role expected to be played
like living in some village.
ALICE
Yeah, that's it
like we knew the neighbors and all as fam'lies
like is was the 'burbs but with a lot of haunting
vestig'al social habits of old neighborhood and
AMANDA
She was a real wife, is that it?
Not like me and you? Who had a real husband.
AMANDA
What do you want to me to say? That it's not easy
to stay the course of choices that I've made?
And is that why I keep hanging on
to hope with him.
AMANDA
Am I asking the question?
ALICE
You never liked him did you?
AMANDA
No, I never did, and I was always right.
ALICE
And you've been right all along, but time just has a way
of blinding us to wrongs that just add up
'til the forest that we're lost in we
don't see it for our looking just at this,
or next...another tree. I haven't started
hating him...so guess I've not stopped loving him,
at least not yet abandoned what I'd hoped for
for our love. It did seem so right then
at the time, but then we were so young.
AMANDA
I remember your wedding. It was the first
of what was going to be so many.
Dad was still alive. And yeah, we were so young.
I feared it was your way of getting out
of the whole twin sister thing. But you know
I wasn't against it 'cause I resented you for that;
it's that beneath I saw the snarling needfulness
in him -- and nothing, nothing to admire at all.
ALICE
There's more to pity than to admire, maybe
the way the money by which he needful dominates
winds up dominating, defining him to one and all.
And love may need admiring to last, but marriage doesn't.
And I wasn't trying to get out of that twin sister thing.
It's what it's been hardest for me to live without.
All those...all these years.
AMANDA
I know. At least when I let myself have time
to think about it. And it was so right back then.
I got carried away by it myself, the excitement of
the wedding. Yeah, and I remember how
you threw the bouquet right at me -- bee-line like
a late-inning reliever's first strike fastball.
ALICE
And that -- yuhgh she, even in grade school she
like made me cringe she was so self, self everything --
she just pushed her fat mitt front of your face and took it.
AMANDA
She was next to get married.
ALICE
Yeah, and next twice after that.
AMANDA
Four. Four now in all. I just saw she on her page
she married again after number three finally settled --
and why I'm like her friend -- like why can't I
say no to any selfie-friend request on this?
ALICE
The poor guys -- bet they're not all still friends.
AMANDA
Poor? Poor schmoor, those trophy wife takermen,
I hope her divorce lawyers take all their money;
at our age now, they know what fall they're riding for --
surprise! -- that playing with fire gets you burned.
ALICE
But young we didn't? It seemed so right back then
I felt I walked in footprints marked out long before
down the aisle and blur of faces I can see again --
like being a bride, the weight of pattern past, a door
that going through to marriage'u'd take me in
to a state that question-free'u'd offer me full rest.
And so much for plans cause how it's turned out's only been
the anguish of for nothing having given it my best.
Are you right? Now you'd have me like move on and forget
like this life I've dealt me's just some hand not played?
You know, I'm banked in for years now of living to regret
the consequence of mistakes I wish I hadn't made.
So it's not in me to see my whole life's lived lied.
Mistakes admitted can be worse than kept denied.
AMANDA
And that's your price you pay for staying the course
ALICE
Of my mistakes I've made? I know.
AMANDA
Though what hurts more may be our virtues,
when transgressed by those we love.
ALICE
Maybe I should leave him?
AMANDA
Don't. Unless you're doing it for you.
ALICE
And not against him? Make up your mind why don't you?
AMANDA
You know what I'm saying.
ALICE
Oh God. Maybe I should -- a little. Like just to remind him.
AMANDA
For example.
ALICE
Ridiculous. Like what? I'm going to take
the bad example of some old wives saying,
and apply it to my life today? How's it go?
How searing thirst's surprise when your well
you never noticed suddenly runs dry? And he'll
come back from whatever trip he's on, open the door
and find I'm gone -- and miss me? -- hah! he'll just
AMANDA
Throw a raging silverback coniption fit
and sic all his lawer minions on you
tear you limb from limbless torse,
and leave you squirming crippled -- all-your-fault divorced.
ALICE
Amanda! Why'd everybody think it was such a good idea?
He needed me.
AMANDA
Needed Dad's money get him a leg-up
ride the wheeldeal painted pony carousel
ALICE
No! Okay, it helped to start
AMANDA
And he rocketed 'way past that on his own, okay.
ALICE
So why'd everybody think it was such a good idea?
I got married. So long ago. So carried away.
But there was a funny freedom to it, filling the role
everyone wanted for me. And I peacefully sleepwalked
through it til aching emptyness woke me up.
Everybody saying how he was such a nice boy,
and from such a nice family and so hard-working --
so sure to be going great places straight to the top.
AMANDA
And he did.
ALICE
And he's been so intense in going
and going and getting and staying there
he never took the time out to grow up.
AMANDA
Hey
men don't bother growing up until
growing old -- maybe -- forces them to.
ALICE
And by then it's too late? They remind me of race cars
like you see on TV. Zoooorgh, zoooorgh, zoooom -- going 'round
and 'round that business track fast as humanly can be.
Just going faster and faster -- zoooooooo -- and faster and faster
AMANDA
Making more and more money.
ALICE
Til pftt! They suddenly got to go home to the pits a minute,
and they make a stop: tires go off, zip the new ones on,
windshield gets wiped, gas up and they get their fluids vented --
even then their minds are still always at the office --
and ghrhm, ghrrrghm, ghrrrrrghm, zheeeeooom! back
to that 'round and 'round and 'round on the hamster track.
AMANDA
While in the grandstand, the girls, patient
swivel eyeing from side to side wave smile and lassid
verging on tumbling to exhaustion from sheer boredom.
ALICE
Wave good-bye that way?
AMANDA
Just to see?
ALICE
Yeah. I think so.
AMANDA
I know it was my idea but
ALICE
Catalysts aren't reactions' cause.
I'm going to pack some things and go.
AMANDA
And I'll stay here in case it doesn't work.
ALICE
What?
AMANDA
Look, say he doesn't grow up and learn all he's got,
gears up the fury -- you got to protect yourself --
and he sends his divorce lawyers out to get you?
They'll slam you for abandonment -- take the roof
over your head, take every dime, and that'll be that.
ALICE
What? Even if he did -- I mean, after all these years...
AMANDA
Forget it. These guys are dead serious winners --
and once that anger adrenaline snaps in
no more common sense or justice to it.
ALICE
But that's not what I'm planning, I'm just
AMANDA
I know. But what if? So if it comes to that,
I'll be here occupying in your place
and then they can't just take it cause you left it.
ALICE
Come on. Why'd he even want to? He's got enough
money to buy buildings full of apartments like this.
AMANDA
So what? If he's going to go in for that kind
of divorce, what's money got to do with it?
Winning means humiliating.
ALICE
So you're going to stay here like my proxy twin?
AMANDA
Or something like that. Anyway, he'd tell the difference.
ALICE
I hope so!
AMANDA
But nobody else will -- no lawyer no private eye no,
no nobody -- I'll even wear your clothes.
ALICE
That'll work -- I always get two of everything --
like the vacuum -- so the closets
AMANDA
Are just like mom used to have for me and you?
Alice, you got to let the past go
ALICE
No matter how happy, Amanda, we used to be then?
AMANDA
If you're going to go for your future, go.
ALICE
So he's going to come home and what?
AMANDA
I'm just going to tell him you're gone.
ALICE
And he'll just mumble some sort of assent
and go charge right on like just another day --
the day his wife of thirty years left him?
AMANDA
These guys, sometimes it takes a while for things to sink in.
So I'll just tell him it's his place too
and he's welcome to stay -- but it's also still yours --
and he'd better do some thinking 'bout what it means you're gone.
ALICE
And what if he doesn't come home anytime soon? You've got things to do.
AMANDA
No I don't. I'm bored of worrying about them.
It's time for me to give my assistant her step up
to take my place -- and make me look old and tired.
I've been looking to take some time okay?
ALICE
To do what?
AMANDA
Figure out how much money I have, see if I
can afford to trash this highclass worklife ratrace --
maybe take some acting classes? We'll talk on the phone okay?
ALICE
I'm going to get some things. I'll be right back.
Oh my God, Amanda -- I'll have done it...and then what?
Alice goes off.
AMANDA
Alice...Alice, ther're any ashtrays anywhere here
in this spacestation hospital house of yours?
Never mind, these extraplanetary plants of yours
look like they could use a hit of something soon
to be an even more highly taxed toxsubstance, huh?
♦ ♦
§ §
II 2: background is civil aviation terminal, then limo on road and then hideout safehouse; characters are NY Bill, Cashman, Crewfer and Effie. In, or in front of, a civil aviation terminal used by private jets, Crewfer and Effie are on disguised as limo drivers.
EFFIE
I know that was her, man! Did you see? Hey, you missed a celebrity score, fool.
CREWFER
Get back. You can't get exited to be here. Like the Cashman said, "Act like you belong." And you bug eyes on a toon face just like you never anywhere. Okay, this is corporate country of the stars, girl; but we are very cool, very cool, just like we do this everyday.
EFFIE
Oh for sure; everyday, all day -- three sixty, seven four.
CREWFER
Uh-huh. Stop waving that sign; is this a what, covention? No, it's a terminal. Just hold it. He'll see it. He can read -- that's for sure. You know, you got to act like you're..like you're..sophisticate.
EFFIE
Yeah. Yeah. That's me. For me, home is that sophistocate world, yeah I'm that sophistocate girl, my life is that sophistocate whirl; so if you can't find me, 's cause I left home behind me; take that sophistitake, take...
CREWFER
Chill out.
EFFIE
What's his name?
CREWFER
Muh..Muhkaymi, I don't know. You got it wrote up right there.
EFFIE
Yeah. But I don't remember what the Cashman said it said. So why don't you read it?
CREWFER
Cause I don't want to read it. What do you got to know how to read for anyway? I know what all them signs say cause they all got their letters in their brand way, you know. Right right here on my phone, I got all the icons. So I always know where I'm at, where I'm eating, where I'm buying, so...
EFFIE
So we're good.
CREWFER
Yeah, cool.
NYB comes on.
NYB
Hey, you're looking for me.
CREWFER
Huhoh! Yeah. Mister Makyewaymi...yessir!
EFFIE
Oh yeah, Muakyaymi, hey!
NYB
Menaechmi.
CREWFER
Sir! Yessir! Misterman! Sir!
EFFIE
Huh? Yessir. Mister Kuhmaymi, sir.
NYB
Menaechmi -- like I'm mun-ayke-mee.
EFFIE
You got side pain there? Like on the heart side? But like I don't do heartache.
NYB
Huh?
EFFIE
Oh just letting you know. In case you want me like valuate your customerhood. Sir.
CREWFER
Yeah, right this way. Did you have a nice flight, sir? Oh mister Menkaymi no -- she's going to help you with that bag. Swag that bag, you're the escort.
NYB
Escort?
CREWFER
We're like a full service limo service -- it's like it's an option, like we can bill you like she's a security escort like she's that like a security expert too.
NYB
Uh-huh, like securities sexperts -- oh in our sector we work with them all the time.
EFFIE
You like work in the financial services sector?
NYB
Yeah. Just like tax collectors. Why aren't you guys the usual outfit picks me up?
CREWFER
'Cause we're the alternate outfit. See, like the office it's like they had to go for a replacement. You know, 'cause all the conventions and all this week.
NYB
Conventions? People still have time for conventions?
EFFIE
Oh for sure -- like that gives the hospitality sector time to work with all the security experts. Sir.
NYB
Right. And I can tell you right now this is the last time your outfit's going to be working for me. Outrageous -- and totally ordinary.
CREWFER
Oh, mister Kuhmakeme, sir -- uh, it's like her first day on the job so, so you know, we're still working on rubbing down the rough spots.
NYB
Oh of course; I understand -- poor people I suppose. Are you sure you're smart enough to be employed?
EFFIE
As a security expert?
NYB
Muh..Muh..sir! Parked right here -- brought our newest. Uh, on our option, would you like our sexpert ride with you in back or ride security up front?
EFFIE
Maybe you got some man-ache I can take care of?
NYB
My office ordered a limo service not a pimpmobile! And I'm going to be talking them so fast! Now get in, drive, and get me out of here! Now!
CREWFER
Oh, are we going to do that, oh yessir mister Kumayme -- get you home right now no matter what the traffic situation.
NYB
I don't what to go home. I want to go to the office. I've got work to do.
In limo on road. NYB takes out his phone to make a call.
EFFIE
(Who's he calling?)
CREWFER
(Oh, man...) Uh, mister Munkayme, you can't use that phone.
NYB
Menaechmi!
CREWFER
I'm saying, you can't use that phone.
NYB
What do you mean, I can't use that phone? It's my phone! No...
CREWFER
Yeah, uh... It's regulations; they got new regulations now -- so's they can have airwave control.
NYB
Well, I'm going to use it anyway, regulations or no regulations.
CREWFER
No, you're not. You're going to throw it out the window right now!. Here.
NYB
Wait a minute... Where we going anyway? Oh, shit...
CREWFER
Don't get upset. We're not going to hurt you.
NYB
Don't get upset. What do you guys want anyway? And where we going?
CREWFER
We're going where we're going. Now toss that phone.
NYB
Now we're not! And you're stopping right here and letting me out! It's not realistic! You can't get away with this! Do you know who I am!?
CREWFER showing gun
You want to talk about realistic?
NYB
You said you weren't going to hurt me.
CREWFER
We're not. So long's you cooperate. See this? It's a long hat. Put it on past your neck.
EFFIE
Man, you could be going to Guantanamo Yeah. Hey, okay, it's not your day. But, you know, be like us -- sophisticate about it.
NYB
Oh my God...
CREWFER
He can't help you. People try him all the time, but... I ain't seen it change what happens to them.
NYB
What's going to happen to me?
CREWFER
Nothing. I told you. So long's you cooperate and do everything the Cashman says.
NYB
The Cashman?
CREWFER
Yeah. Just do exactly like he tells you, and you'll be alright. And he told me to tell you exactly that. See, like you're our customer, and we want you to have confidence. That's right, right?
EFFIE
Yeah, that's it. That's the number one habit of the seven high an effective business organization has got to have to be good to
go -- trust and confidence. Yeah. And we got all six coming up behind number one. So believe it. You'll see. And here we are now.
CREWFER
And when she stops, you and me get out, walk up, walk in. Take that hat off! And what you see maybe looks like a nice neighborhood, but you try running, and we will get realistic.
EFFIE
Okay.
CREWFER
Go.
NYB and Crewfer get out of limo and go into safehouse/hideout. Effie goes off. Cashman comes on.
CREWFER
Cashman! Cashman!
CASHMAN
Misterman, Duece!
CREWFER
Put your eyes on that wall and keep them there! Freeze! Raise up your hands and hold them up upside the wall! Got the customer, Cashman.
CASHMAN
And now we're going to artfully close the deal. Pad him out and sit him down.
NYB
Can I say something?
CASHMAN
In a minute. Someone will be right with you, Sir.
CREWFER
No heat, no nothing but all this on him.
CASHMAN
Sit down. Right there. Take a deep breath. Uhmmm... Rela -- no, check that; make that tense up, like you're on creative tension. Hey, like you're back in school, like you're going to take an exam -- and you're going to get an A, just like you always did, right? And you are going to graduate -- and walk away. You're not going to get hurt 'less you want to get hurt. That's what you wanted to say, right?
NYB
I want to get out of here.
CASHMAN
We understand. We beleive in listening to our customers. Now you listen. You got to answer all the questions right first. Okay? Okay, first question.
CREWFER
Keep looking at that wall!
CASHMAN
Okay, first question: take out your checkbook; take out your checkbook and write a check.
NYB
Right. How much? That's what this is all about?
CASHMAN
Man, you're going to make the honor roll. I like that -- smart. You know, maybe there's our motto: smart business, smarter customers.
NYB
How much?
CASHMAN
I don't know. Like you're buying something, something big -- but not for you. You know, like an extra car for the maid to use.
NYB
We don't have a maid.
CASHMAN
Pretend.
NYB
How much does a car cost?
CASHMAN
Yeah, that's good. Start with that and keep going with exact numbers after, none of these all zeroes stuff. Make it like you bought a real thing; a real, expensive thing.
NYB
Who do I make it out to?
CREWFER
Don't worry about it; we got a stamp.
NYB
Old school, huh? Right.
CASHMAN
Next question:
CREWFER
What did I just say to you?
NYB
What?
CASHMAN
Next question: take out the plastics. One at at time. Take that pad, write your magic number down, your twenty-four hour limit, the location of the cash machines you mostly use, then pass them back -- one card, one sheet of paper at time.
CREWFER
I'm not going to tell you again. Maybe you've seen me, but you haven't seen him.
NYB
Sorry.
CREWFER
No worries.
Effie comes on
CASHMAN
He said he's sorry. And the customer is always right.
EFFIE
Cashman! Cashman!
CASHMAN
Mistergirl, trey!
EFFIE
Looks like we got another satisfied customer. How 'bout that?
NYB
Satisfied if I get out of here in one piece.
CASHMANC
There it is. You will.
EFFIE
You're safe with us.
CREWFER
Just keep them cards and letters coming.
EFFIE
That's what it takes, uh-huh. Trust. Confidence. That's the first habit. And you got to give it so your customers have it. And we do, cause we got it. And all the others too. What do you think? That we're like street fever? No. We've been going to those mooks. Everyday. We undertand what makes for success. We know what it takes now -- to build a business, have strategy, realize entrepreneurship. That's what the Cashman's done. Right? He calls it...that's his genius. He's made the application from business success to...business success, like in real countries, where if you got the money, you can do what you want, no law, nobody going to stop you, you know what I mean?
NYB
I'm the victim of a crime for God's sake.
CREWFER
I told you. He could care less.
NYB
Let Him decide what he cares about.
CREWFER
Hey, if you don't find another card in there, we're going to make you write another check.
CASHMAN
If you're going to be a victim of crime, now who's victim do you want to be? Somebody that's got their violence clip going inside? Got to put on that uncontrolled showtime, feed some jones inside? That aggression brain chemistry snaps out? Or like us? That we got principles, interests, you can trust? So that way you know you're not going to get hurt. So that's how lucky you are that you're dealing with us. See, we believe in win-win.
NYB
You've kidnapping me.
CASHMAN
Man, that's a federal crime. Please. Slow motion hold-up, that's all. We don't need that big time kind of attention, right? Give us some credit, okay? That's our interest, so you can count on it.
NYB
Right. Rational. Just the way people always are.
CASHMAN
Like the Treygirl says, right? The name of the game is trust. Think about it. Like why'd we want to cut you up? Oh, blood all over the place, then got to pack out the body. Oh! Footprints. DNA. Please.
CREWFER
Move your eyeballs back! You don't even look at his shoes, understand?
CASHMAN
Dust a stranger, and then they'll look for real. Like the Mafia men say, kill only your own, and the police'll leave you
alone. But when you wake up, maybe remember something, diddypop to the station house and file your complaint -- "I'm this limoworld man, and I been swagged down, right on the leather, right inside in my own limo" -- well, they won't laugh -- til you're gone. You know -- I mean, hey, I'm not a lawyer that's for sure -- but, there's crime..and there's crime -- and they only come looking hard, like look to put you in the timehouse, when it's that whoa, no mind, streetcrime kind. Hey, I chose this crimelife, you know, like postively you know what I mean? And I want to live it like businesslike, see? Like I'm like a crime executive entrepreneur, you see?
NYB
Of course -- a mere choice of corporate governance... So what if you get caught?
EFFIE
And how're we going to get caught? And convicted? No. See, cause we got the second habit. The second habit you got to
have is authority and accountability. And we got it -- he's the Cashman and we're the Mistermen -- and that makes this organization tight all the way 'round. Cause just if somebody walks, don't mean somebody talks. That's right. And like the Cashman says, we got the third habit you got to have for businesslike crime success
CASHMAN
Later. That's right...but, later.
EFFIE
Yea, Cashman.
CREWFER
That's it? You're sure? Sure sure?
CASHMAN
You're doing alright, huh? Some limit, hey.
NYB
Yeah, that's it. That's it. What're you going to do now, steal my watch?
CREWFER
You know how much you get for a hot watch? And some sickface, tick tock boy toy like that, keep it -- it's yours.
EFFIE
That's it?
CASHMAN
That's it.
NYB
That's it?
Effie hands glass/bottle/can to NYB.
CASHMAN
Yeah. Take a break. You got to be thirsty, after you just got an A. You know, if these are not the right numbers, the Deuceman here -- Misterman Deuce here's going to have to come see you.
NYB
And get realistic?
CREWFER
Not like I'm keeping this wallet for the bills inside, no, I'm safekeeping it cause I can't stand to forget you -- it's like in case I need an address reminder.
NYB
The numbers are right. Now what happens?
CASHMAN
Now we go back to work.
NYB
I mean to me.
EFFIE
You'll see.
NYB
Right. Work.
CASHMAN
Hey, I told you. Why don't you believe me? I chose this life. You think it's easy getting all this up? You don't think I got an investment to protect? I'm paying the rent on this place. I got payments on that limo -- got to keep current. I got expenses -- training my staff, you know hard that can be? Huh, you think it's easy hanging on that scanner, catching on the cell phones of them limo outfits? Then I got to figure out enough so I can call in to cancel so like they'll believe it. And then they got to be in the right place with the right sign and act so the customer'll believe it. And then maybe we got like three or four days before you wake up and they got to like hit the cash machines like not like raising suspicions -- you know how hard that is? You know how hard that is getting loyal, dedicated, competent employees today? It's hard, man, that's what it is, real hard work. Huh!
EFFIE
That's it! Hard work!
CASHMAN
I mean, I'm not complaining. Fact is, I'm blessed...have the opportunity... I'm proud to be a part of building this organization.
EFFIE
Oooh, yeah. Beautiful! Yeah. Yeah. That's the one they're going to think of next. That's the Cashman for you, gets there first. Hard work. Alright! You watch, they'll be putting it on them mooks any time now, and they'll make it a major centerpiece with tie-ins -- hard work, the major habit for success. Yeah. Like hard work's the top franchise and all the others is subsidies. I bet that's how you did it, huh?
NYB
Huh?
CASHMAN
Yeah, how'd you get so rich?
EFFIE
I know. You just took them habits, took them inside, and just wouldn't let them die?
NYB
Worked hard and played by the rules. That's what you want to hear?
CASHMAN
Lighten up. Customers are partners, right? Where's your trust and confidence? How'd you do it, get up there, make it all your own?
NYB
You want to know the truth? Insight and timing. I just deploy knowledge -- inside knowedge partly -- it's knowledge makes the world work now. Work was completely secondary. Really, if I work twice as hard twice as long, I don't make twice as much money, and if I work half as hard half days, now I'd still make, I don't know, eighty, ninety percent as much. That's cause it's not work. Work is when you wish you were doing something else.
EFFIE
I know what you mean.
NYB
Ohoh... Work is like now..where I wish..ohoh... See, when I'm working I never even think of doing anything else -- I never wish I was
doing something else -- so that's all I do -- I'm always at the office working -- I mean notworking...I fill a littel dizzy...
EFFIE
Yeah. See. There it is. That's committment and concentration. That's the..that one's number..man, I forgot. Man, we got to come
up with some kind hypnotic device make memory keep all these habits in line. You know, like you got the major habit for success and then you got the
CREWFER
Yeah, like hard work's Snow White and then you got the dwarfs. Hi ho, ho ho, it's off to work we go, hi ho, hi ho...
NYB
Ohohoh...
EFFIE
Yeah. Yeah.
CASHMAN having noticed Crewfer took the bills out of the wallet and put them in his pocket
Misterman Deuce..Misterman Deuce..if there's an attitude problem in an effective organization, we got to deal with it..we got to deal with it...
CREWFER
Cashman! No, I'm one hundred and ten percent on -- seven habits, and hard work -- yeah, totally with the program; I didn't mean..dis any of this..no...
CASHMAN
No, you didn't. I must've misunderstood. You'll have to excuse me. I mean, there are things that can be excused, right? And there are things that cannot be excused. Man, I must need one of them memory minders myself, keep my memory warmed up -- I can't remember one thing that can't be excused in an organization, can't even remember the worst thing that can't be excused...
EFFIE
I know. That's going on your own, renegade personal profit-taking, right?
CREWFER
Oh! Cashman! No, I wasn't taking that money; I just put in my pocket for safekeeping. I wasn't going to keep the money. No..uh uh. It belongs to the organization we are, not to us. You know I know that. I just saved it, cause we're busy, you know, in trusteeship.
CASHMAN assaulting Crewfer
Uh-huh.
NYB
Ohohohoh... Hey..hey..I don't feel so good. Nooo...
EFFIE
Don't worry about it. That's the knock out fluid.
NYB looking at drink container
Noooo..ohohohoh..noooo...
EFFIE
Ohohoh yeaeaeah...
NYB
Oh, oh no... Ohohoh... I can't stay awake.
EFFIE
No, you can't. That's why it's knock out fluid.
NYB
What.. What's it going to do to me? Uhuhuh...
CASHMAN
Nothing. You'll wake up -- couple days or so. Maybe it'll take a while for your memory to come back on line, but..you'll be alright. Believe it.
NYB slumping asleep
Uhohuhohuhoh...
CASHMAN
Park him in a car. Lock the doors, help him not get hurt till he wakes up.
EFFIE
Yea, Cashman.
CASHMAN
Then we go to work. Hi ho, hi ho...and you stay in line, uh-huh? Or next time the bones break.
CREWFER
Oh yeah, yeah Cashman. Naw, naw..trusteeship..honest.
CASHMAN
Uh-huh.
♦ ♦
§ § §
II 3: background is apartment of NYB; characters are Amanda and CA Bill. Amanda is on. Doorbell rings etc.
AMANDA
Who is it?
CAB from off
Bill Menaechmi.
AMANDA opening door as CAB comes on
Don't you have a key?
CAB
Huh? My name's Bill Menaechmi. I'm scheduled here for a review... This is the right place, right? I got the
AMANDA
Hi, Bill. You're probably wondering what I'm doing here?
CAB
Here? Well, I didn't know what to expect exactly, but I
AMANDA
You don't recognize me do you?
CAB
No.
AMANDA
That would be like you wouldn't it? Or maybe you are controlled enough to just cool your way through it?
CAB
Am I supposed to follow you? I got all my records with me with my stuff, I brought it all along cause this isn't going to take that long. Cause once you see
AMANDA
I'm not the one who's going to see. You are.
CAB
And I guess knowing how to talk to people so dismissive like that way's why IRS agents don't need to carry guns?
AMANDA
Huh? Oh, Bill... Nobody's going nuts here, okay? And there's no need for this to be a hostile process.
CAB
No, of course not. We wish.
AMANDA
Reasonableness, civility, mutual respect -- my cornerstones for interpersonal relations -- no matter how disagreeable -- and for doing business.
CAB
Well, great! That's what we all want. Caring, intelligent, equal treatment.
AMANDA
The way you've always treated? But, we'll never mind any of that troublesome, personal truth, right? Absolutely, this is your place too and you have your rights -- welcome to stay, but in the parameters I need for why I'm here. Alice has rights too. And as I surmise you've been able to conclude, I'm here like, virtually her, to make sure she gets them.
CAB
Alice? ... Ah, that's that new multi-billion dollar comprehensive super-big-data "customer serivce platform" you bought? Finally got it up and running I guess? Well, well, big brother's alive and well at the IRS -- and with a cuddly name like Alice.
AMANDA
You are one cool customer. And I don't remember that about you. Laid back like you're going to gobbledygook it til you get the whole lock on what's happening and then call your lawyers in. Go ahead, pull the phone out of your pocket, punch them right up. Cause you know why, know like an insistent conscience makes us know no matter how hard we distract with daily life of hecticness and ambition to keep conscience denied. But then, that resurgence takes a conscience the drugging of remorse hasn't cut off dead like a hemisphere lobotomized.
CAB
What? What is this? I've paid. At least as best as I could understand the lawyergobble you write your instructions in. And I can prove it. I been paying regular and to rule and I got my records -- at least for recent years anyway I can prove it. I brought them so let's look. I've been paying, and I've been paying all the law says I got to pay, which is a lot more than I ought to owe if everybody paid according to what they got.
AMANDA
Big deal you've been paying. Where you're in deficit and in debt's got nothing to do with money. You think that's all you owe, to feed and shelter in a guilded cage? What happened to all that goes with to have and hold?
CAB
I don't have that much. I work for a living. Barely.
AMANDA
Spare me, Bill. Spare me. Sit down, make yourself at home why don't you? Your freaked-out hippie act is making me sick. If you're not at home in what you own, you're better off without it, right? You get seen right through for all the insecurities that made you want it oh so bad. Or maybe you've reached some stratosphere where what's to envy's that you don't even care about it? Sure, you've bought her everything she wanted and then some -- so what is this these old bags hassling me about responsible commitment and emotional obligation? Right? Big deal you paid, you little slithersnake... ... Seeing through you I'm reminded of the importance of good manners.
CAB
Yeah, let's sublimate that hostile, maybe
AMANDA
You know Bill, not long ago I saw a great window display at a jewelry house -- they had these stuffed iguanas and other reptiles all decked out in pendants and brooches -- bathed in soft shades of acid light -- glinting eyes, diamonds, rubies, earings and chronographs -- wouldn't just want to wear a watch if you're a cold-blooded reptile counting every second of time-is money right? Reminded me of you that's all..even after all these..these years. Also reminded me high-concept art-advertising never sold any jewelry or anything else. Big deal you paid. And for the whole ten yards of this lux life. I know it inside out. I sell it. And I'm not impressed.
CAB
I've met every obligation I've had as best as I've been able to -- every legal obligation cause that's all it is. Maybe onetime when self-government was real there was patriotism and emotion rightly involved, but nuhhh-uh -- not the way things are now -- like now you got your super-leader deadbeat leading the parade.
AMANDA
Patriotism? Bill... Ahhoohh... Putting on a nut act is useless. "I was so distraught she left I didn't understand what was happening and..." And then who knows what you'll have your lawyers come after me for. Come on, I'm hip to you. You could start rolling around on the floor in an ecstasy of brain disease twitching and it wouldn't fool me.
CAB
These mind games you think you've got the right to lay on people -- you don't! You forget with your arrogance who the government's for and who it's supposed to make sense to. Now let's get down and look if you've got a beef with me cause like I say I got my records here and I can prove. And doing it in this place like some secret location is doubly outrageous. You're afraid what the press'll do if they find out what you've been spending to decorate the office. You're not like some kind of embassy alright, like made out for cookie pushers in striped suits to peddle pontifications about the big picture, you're supposed to be serious government -- you're entrusted with collecting the public purse. Look at this place. I'm not real sophisticated 'bout federal office buildings, but this..this is useless weapons system -- bomber toilet seat -- extravagant! You're supposed to be like working for the people in society not like leeching them to pass all the bucks and the breaks to the corporate big boys puppeteering behind their lobbyists, alright? So
AMANDA
Hey! Get back! Keep it to the laid-back, lost looney act, alright. Despite my instincts I've had to learn to bellow with the big boys since that's what it takes. So you know what? I'm not going to be intimidated by you -- specially by the likes of you. One more big boy on the business block so used to getting the last shove and making it stick you don't even have to bother that often. And all the other boys shift on their feet and show love-eating-your-shit grim respect -- and the women -- just grab them by the cunt that's all they're good for -- and you don't even when notice, don't even notice them as mansworld, real competitors. Well, I'm a woman tired, tired of that bigboy outlook that doesn't change. I'm leaving before I lose my temper.
Amanda goes off.
CAB
You're so beautiful. And I'm so lost.
What's your world that you're so free
with pow'r 'n' anger 'n' so easy in your beauty?
Even if, you're in the roleplay of your job?
And me? I'm in the roleplay of my nowhere life?
Here, like some kind of museum place where those
that walk these halls and grace these rooms aren't
living seedy and disordered -- look at me --
but dreamlike, playing perfectly timed and turned
the soft gestured, full spoken, riches
of their roles, displayed like on a stage.
So with this train of strange happenstance
I'll just tag along since to lose, I got..what? --
till something'll like up and wake me from this trance
of suddenly in lap of luxury and all that rot.
Where'd the money come from set a place
up like this? Somewhere I never got any.
Cause I wasn't suited? Cause I didn't dare to run that race?
Funny, how'r destiny winds up one, though'r options once were many.
How all that's here bespeaks the bustling
of lives so self-assured, full of things to do,
in their web of expectation and commitments hustling
to stay sealed up with no reminders getting through.
"Bury it. I'm too busy." Like that be all it'd take,
cancel that last appointment ev'ry one of us'll make.
Oh Woofie, how I so wish you was here
walking with me through this dreamscape that somehow...
What a dump,huh? Like so perfect for storing all the stuff only money can buy. ... And how'd I miss getting in on any of it?...decades now of the whole world -- wars or no wars -- making big money...like I'm satisfied...satisfied?...with getting by -- living my little version of beachcomber Romantic... glances at photos And this guy even looks like me, 'cept in hipless toad mode, but...it's all his...so what's the IRS doing here? Who knows...who cares...she...she's here.
Beauty to my eyes like music
like after a long trip through the wilderness
suffused in the balm of Nature's silence
you're suddenly back, jangling in the city
and like colors in an acid trip
there's music in your ears again.
That's how strong her karma hit me and I
ain't been hit that way since illusions
expected love to be like that.
So I'm asking me no questions,
so I'll not be telling me no lies --
just stick around, see how the punches
roll this stone. ... And that's where all my time went I didn't spend making money? And how's it going to go in the end? Whoa! I'm going to be the only sadsucker out there who's going to die wishing he had spent more time at the office. Shshs..she's coming. Oh, man...
And for all my worries, at minutes of meeting,
my mind's already raced her to naked,
arching, sighing, moan and quivering
so calmly happy in my love and arms?
Shshsh... I hear her steps, the whisper of her clothes --
and this tax biz at hand's the last thing I
could care about now.
Amanda comes on.
AMANDA
And any ideas you might have I'm leaving, are non-starters.
CAB
Me? Ideas? Oh I have no idea -- and I don't care.
AMANDA
Oh Bill, what's your angle now? I know that you're
the kind that always has one -- so suspicious,
always, of one and all -- and masked,
intent on piercing every weakness' chink.
Like the barest scrim behind the eyes
that lets pass, hiding unhidden,
the light behind the eyes, hucksters are best
when they make you feel they feel your own
emotions reflected in their eyes until
you see how you've been taken in and then,
that skrim's seen like a blind that blocks out lies.
So don't bother trying to fool me with that stupid
long lost needy sad-eyed dog look.
CAB
Woof! If there's deception here, it's on me.
AMANDA
There's none, at least that I know of. Unless,
of course, it's you that's playing around --
like taking up behind her back with all
the needy babes your eminence on the money heap
pretty much must blind to your pathetic self.
CAB
I'm telling you, I've met every obligation.
AMANDA
And so have nothing more to answer for
than the legal and the monetary?
And both as norrowly defined as only lawyers can.
It gets to be a habit, to get away with it.
You guys start out -- more times 'n I care to count --
staying in bounds, playing by the rules
and working hard, but soon success comes gorge
the fool with pride and there's "this once" --
and 'sides I deserve it I won't get caught anyway.
And pretty soon -- trangression's thrill -- it's every
chance you get, as each time whets
the app'tite for the next. Though it's always
new possessions same tired thrill.
And pretty soon -- privilige enflates that way --
you feel no rules at all rightly apply to you.
And you know it's not the silly sex --
your sourstink oldster's spasmic groans --
no -- what gets me mad your base disregard
for how nobly she's stayed true to you.
CAB
Lady, what are you talking about?
AMANDA
Of course, of course, lest we forget
fierce denial to the very last's a strategic must --
so the rightious who accuse the guilty then
can themselves become the guilty ones,
the vile, abusive fake news false accusers -- hah!
So I'm going to make you listen anyway.
Your lying faithlessnes and cruel selfishness,
that'u'd just be one of so many things --
that drop by drop for years 'n' years day by day
she took, figuring she'd stand it for her love for you
til one day her heart, heavy with angry bitterness,
burst consumed by the contusioning outrage
of your cold abuse. That's why she's gone.
And that's why I'm now here in her place.
CAB
Far gone...
AMANDA
But estrangements can be overcome, at least
by those who'll humble 'emselves to others' love.
CAB
Love..? And taxes? Death and taxes -- now that I've heard.
AMANDA
So too bad avoidance or evasion of one is never as successful as that of the other.
CAB
And that's what you think I'm doing. I'm not. I can prove it.
AMANDA
Oh right. Selfishness' fearful evasion of love. Now proved by your lying and denial.
CAB
I'm sorry. I don't get it.
AMANDA
You wouldn't. Or this wouldn't have happened to you.
CAB
You know, I'll have a cigarette too. I mean I don't really smoke anymore -- but I haven't actually quit. I've like refused to quit -- but still don't smoke, in case -- you know, it's a matter of principal -- even though I've pretty much really stopped. Except in like circumstances that're like exceptions. I mean like where there's a little bit of stress as to totally mystified as to what's going on to you. I can't afford it really, and I don't just mean that illness without coverage can be like avoidably fatal.
AMANDA
Here. And may it kill you quickly.
CAB
Thanks. Got a light?
AMANDA
Use this.
CAB
You have such graceful hands.
AMANDA
What's with this soulful look and touching up my hand? For God's sake, Bill, that's worse than some Monte Carlo gigolo in hustle mode -- worse, like some cool guy from the ancient age of singles bars. It's impressive, your innocent-but-suave, sweet guy act. Even got the shlockster clothes to go with it.
CAB
These are my dress-up clothes.
AMANDA
And you look like a relic from like Woodstock paleozoic. You know, there're some people, when they get rich, they get cheap; and as they get older it gets worse like they just can't shake the respect, the fear and respect they had for daddy money from the time of their family's modest, working youth.
CAB
You know, I'm not a real sophisticted guy
AMANDA
No. But you are cunning. And that's so much more valuable, at least in this world of making it at near any cost.
CAB
You always had it -- that ease being yourself, didn't you?
AMANDA
Well, yes...and no.
CAB
What do you mean, "and no"?
AMANDA
Stop it, Bill.
CAB
Bill? Just like that from the start? They like teach you that to reach in to people by skipping all the customer service stuff? Like what happened to "Sir" or "Mr. Menaechmi"? Or even basic, businesslike behavior?
AMANDA
Forget it. I don't need this. I know you through and through -- Mister Made It Big, and now you want me to call you "Sir"? And while I'm at it, I'm also going to fix you dinner tongiht? Order out something for us to eat, okay Mr. Big? And don't be cheap like you're too cheap to hire somebody to help your wife out around here.
CAB
I'm not married.
AMANDA
And in time, saying and saying it makes it so?
Yeah, ours is an age of self-made image
where our personal propaganda counts for more
than the substance of our real selves.
Day is night, guilty blameless, incompetent able --
say it, say it with fierce insistence,
with wronged and hurt conviction that won't let go,
and pretty soon the whole world believes it
since what's past is never on the screen right now
so might as well not be at all. "I'm not married"
you say? Like the affirmation of
your own reality, required, justified
by whims of somesaid, true self
could lock out all others and the world
and be the truth you believe is right?
Arrgh! Contempt's too weak a word
for the falseness of your little game
that is -- sick'ning me -- maybe sincere.
CAB
I'm not married. I'm not.
AMANDA
Right. I've got to go before...
Amanda goes off.
CAB
Shuhzam... Yes, Ma'am. I might've almost been married. But I ain't married now. ... Man, must be some buried desire get into some real life with a real woman, cause I'm grabbed and taken, slammed and shaken. ... Shuhzam, she's a trip... And how I got here tripped out this far..with her? ... I'm having a flashback!?
Used to be in the hipmess of my youth I'd so often wind up --
and not just falling in and hanging out with strangers --
where I'd so pride myself of going with the flow
I'd always be the last to lose that easy trust
where cause you're strangers intimacy's got no cost
and I'd stay in there no matter how mismatched and wierd it got..
til some other trip'u'd come by and take me up.
Lady says order some dinner, order some dinner -- where's my phone? What!? Pizza? Yeugh, no! Need something... Man, like I need a lifestyle advisor. Man, like they got the UN of food going in this town, every country you can think of and every nationalist group without one, like they all brought their cooking with them too -- one more mmmm good thing about immigration, huh?. How about... Like I need something..that's the latest, but like authentic, like being the latest was the last thing you were thinking of... Like make her see me like I'm suayve..suahve?..suahve?.. suayve?... Ever since high school I haven't been sure which it is. Maybe that's the reason why..better stick to being authentic..and latest... Hipness is, as hipness does. That's it! Must be, it's cuisine and I can't pronounce it. ... Hello? Yeah, hi, I'm looking here and it says you provide the total enchanted, Romantic...can't pronounce it...dinner for two...at home alone -- and I'd...yes, I'll hold...always something gets in the way.
♦ ♦
§ § § §
II 4: background is street; characters are NYB, Nancy Littlesteps and Big Jim Marion. NYB comes on -- can be from parked car -- groggy from effects of knock-out fluid.
NYB
Arrghoo..arrghoo..arrghoo... Where am I?... Ughgh..I remember..I remember, that's what they all say when they don't know. ... I can't remember...Ohrghgh... Help..I'm..I'm... Arrghgh... I'm reaching..I'm reaching for it..but I can't reach it... Like I'm..like I'm... Orghgh..lost, man, lost... Aieieieee... It's all faded, faded past my reach...
Mugger(s) come on and roll NYB, taking his shoes and coat and watch.
Fuckers! Fuckers! Fuckers!
MUGGER
Shut up!
Mugger(s) come back and hit NYB who collapses. Mugger(s) go off. Nancy Littlesteps comes on.
NANCY LITTLESTEPS
Yyrgh! Yyrgh! Hee hah! Here what got? Hooo-wheee! Heeyaargh! Blinkety winkety, what do I see? Jiminy shiminy, don't believe it can be. Hah! You better bet your bottom sodom lollipop you can. Ropple down like a rag doll, splanked on the street -- like life grew up forgot you, left you for pillage for mice to make bedding, up in the attic right under the rafters..in the darkness at the top of the stairs..hiding from the hits and the slobber..in the dark sparked with hurts bright as traffic at night. Oh ho, hee heee... Slippery whippery, dippery pippery -- haven't seen you, haven't seen you, oh no! No coat, no shoes -- and too old to look so young and clean. Not from this sidewalk house, oh no, oh no..but soon you'll see, you'll see -- just like any other day. And it'll be all yours! Hah! You hear me!?
NYB
Orghrghrghhg...
NANCY LITTLESTEPS
Oh no, oh no, I'm not interested. Lairdy whirdy hurdy wurdy -- I don't caredy. Can't hear you calling, just sounds like noise falling. Yee-hee... Feeling pretty when you're ugly -- only one way and that's fly way away! Waaawww...
NYB
Ohohohoh...
NANCY LITTLESTEPS
Some life left in the soggybag human trash? Some life left! Hah! Sit up, sit up, take a big peek! Hoop, whoop, what them peepers weepers think they're keepers? Keep it all! Nuh nuh nuh nuh, nuh nuh nuh nuhhh...
NYB
Ohohoh... Where...?
NANCY
Where what? Peek it up! Whoop! Whoop! Right here and there. Hah! Like where am I? Like that's what they all say.
NYB
I got to..to... Try and remember...
NANCY
Oh, I remember, I always remember..everything inside always buzzzzzzuh, buzzzzzzuh every which way up there like bees in a bottle. Full time working at forget, full time pain time's all it gets.
NYB
I need..I need...
NANCY
I'd say you need some shoes.
NYB
What happened to my shoes!?
NANCY
I don't know. But once you skip thes hoes.
That's it -- dipity-dit.
Might as well start sniffing glues.
NYB
I was..I was...it's coming back to me.
NANCY
Better get some shoes. What if it takes a while? What if it never comes back? What if just sack-a-while a while til it's all over? No shoes and all! Hah! What if gets cold out here?
NYB
How do I get some shoes?
NANCY
And what if it comes back? Won't do you any good to remember now. Hah! Shoes at the mission. Where else? Hand them right out.
NYB
Listen witch, those weren't just shoes, they were... They were..important somehow..something that made me want them..I saw them in the magazine -- and I wanted them so I'd be..seen like..it's all out of reach... Orghrghrgh... It's like I got the pictures, but without the sense; like I got the memories, but they got no pictures. ... Wait! I need help!
NANCY
Fat lot of good that's going to do you. Hah!
NYB
Sourpuss hag! What did I do that I should fall in with people like you? Wait! Where's the mission?
NANCY
Hyahaah... Right this way.
Big Jim Marion comes on.
BIG JIM MARION
Well, I'll be..if it's not her, it's her dead ringer..Nancy Littlesteps..I haven't seen you...
NANCY
Big Jim..oh, Big Jim..bet you're six gun ready to stagger-wagger right down from some technicolor dream. Pow! Pow! Hah!
BIG JIM MARION
You're never ready when the shooting starts.
NANCY
Oh Jim..oh Jim..go ahead kiss and cuss me one
BIG JIM MARION
like I hadn't see a girl...
NANCY
You want a drink?
JIM
Oh, I don't know. I could use one though.
NANCY
Heeyarghgh!
JIM
Whuooorgh! Like that Chinee firewater..yeah..got a rememberance of that -- those perfumes..of the river and the jungle..those little lights in the dark so deep..like they tossed some dying embers in the tree line up the bank, and that's what they called a good-sized town..not like it smells like here in this concrete fumes kettle... You got a smoke?
NANCY
Here you go..pull up your burden to the hitching post, and we'll go singing to the river, we'll arailsing inbetween, we'll meet...Heeyah! Scurfy-whum, saddle bum! Peek, peek, Jim! Whoop, whoop!
JIM
Oh Nancy, you always were one to laugh people down.
NYB
Can I interrupt for a minute? Just..where's the mission?
JIM
Mission's right here, son; always with you. Where you got to do..what you got to do.
NYB
Ughhh... I got to get some shoes, alright?
JIM
Well, so that's what we got here..a tenderfoot.
NYB
No, a mafia hit man! A high-powered..a high...orghorgh...
NANCY
We'll drink to that, we'll think to that, while we make alat, living on fat...
JIM
Stay in there, son. Be resolute. The darkest hour is 'fore the dawn of hope; come daylight, you'll see you have a fighting chance.
NYB
What do you...!!! The claptrap! Bromide brain! Like you're just huffpuffing air in and out your squawkbox larynx like some kind of airventical for bloody nonsense. What did you used to be before you hit skid row? I know, some image master who trained politicians -- and they must've all lost!
NANCY
Ruckuh muckuh, polly whuckuh, have a sip and take a trip. Heeya!!
NYB
So..are you going to help me find some shoes, or what?
JIM
What's your beef, mister? You need some shoes? You can just go right down to the mission..hand them right out.
NYB
Look, I'll make it worth your while. Money's no object.
JIM
So why do you need some shoes?
NYB
Cause I'm... I'm... My feet are cold.
JIM
Well, that's a pretty good reason.
NANCY
I'd lose nerves too, facing this -- like I'd someplace else to be.
JIM
And what did you do, before you skid home here?
NYB
Um...Um... I... Argh! what are we waiting for?
NANCY
We're waiting for that higher call, waiting for that other shoe to fall. Ruckuh muckuh, polly whuckuh, have a sip and take a trip. Heeya!!
JIM
You want a drink?
NYB
No. Hey...
JIM
You know, I bet you used to be a real go-getter.
NYB
I didn't used to be, I... I...
NANCY
C'mon; we'll show you.
NYB
Ouch! I already know it. I'm not going to make it like this.
JIM
The important thing son's, we all make it.
NANCY
Heeheeyahyahyah-arghooweee... We'll slanger to the mission, we'll labster by the sea; we'll see ranger labodacious, we'll be free and carkooday...
♦ ♦
§ § § § §
II 5: apartment of NY Bill; characters are Amanda and CA Bill.
AMANDA
Oh! Oh, you didn't...
NYB
See, I told you it was ready.
AMANDA
Bill...Oh, flowers too...
NYB
See, I found all the dishware and silver and all I mean, you got all this stuff, I'm surprised you don't also have a maid.
AMANDA
Stop it, Bill.
NYB
I guess government regulations draw the line at maids, cause that'u'd be really over the top.
AMANDA
What?
NYB
Never mind. Tonight... I don't understand; but, I'm doing it... Hey, and you go with it too... Cause you..you... Please..on me...
AMANDA
What do you think I expected, under the circumstances?
NYB
I don't know. How 'bout what I expected? But, here.. ... Lucky I found the candles. But why a whole cupboard of them, hidded 'way up?
AMANDA
How 'bout to mark all the times you weren't there to do this with her?
NYB
What?
AMANDA
Let me tell you then; yes, let me tell you,
and why not with no expression of anger
over this meal with all the packaging
that we'd so gladly, daily, consume if we
but had the time for civ'lization's pleasures
('n' if you don't have time, so what good's the money?
but that's another story -- one we both know well,
but haven't really learned, right?) so let's, yeah let's...
And not pretend, since this is..it is the one
reality we trust -- image made near perfect --
like all this was some ad for something for
the dreamers without time to wish for,
then purchase, like buying it would bring
them in to living here like this and cancel out
the way they feel their job is chewing up
their life, for nothing but..but the money...
But then you're lucky; you never had much life
to leave behind to go completely live the deals.
CAB
How would you know? I
AMANDA
Cause she's my sister! And I'm telling you!
That life she would've died to give you,
you slammed the door in her loving eyes
so you and your little self could stay
in there at the office forever going for more.
CAB
(Going far..far gone... But then I'm gone too, cause now I'm on this trip.)
AMANDA
Go ahead and say it. Like I'm the driven clothes horse hag that never even managed to keep a man to slam that door on? That's what you were muttering?
CAB
You're not married?
AMANDA
No. ... And you wouldn't know..or care. Would you?
CAB
No. ... I mean... Look, we're here... You're... I'll...
AMANDA
Oh... That's how far out of orbit you are keeping up with the basic family news.
CAB
Huh? Look, hey, how 'bout a little...this bubbly-wubbly?
AMANDA
It's Prosecco.
CAB
Oh... Of course.
AMANDA
And we'll drink to her health and good fortune? Sure. Now that we're here. Here..where she did a good job -- like ready for the architecture and interiors glossies -- like she built a set waiting for a life with meaning to put into it...and where were you? How often have you done this?
CAB
Me? Never.
AMANDA
So why with me now?
CAB
Destiny?
AMANDA
Destiny... Destiny..to find the role we worked
so intent on for so long no longer fits
the person changing in our skin. And what
could be a better place for that than this?
Not a home, grown, but a location, assembled
where to fashion the image of life desired, but not lived.
And oh boy, does this place engender that desire
and close the sale -- the mighty overview
of these charcoal towers like sailed in sheets
of sparkling lights, the power of this wide eyre
as glitteringly below the trains of cars
in silent traffic ravel and untangle
their pearling strings of red and brighter white.
As here so softly mirrored your candle flames
in the plates of glass against the dark confirm
how far we're glad to be
from the rabbling toiling chaos massed below.
See, this is what I always wanted. Didn't you? ... Got a light?
CAB
Here. Use a candle. And it's not what I always wanted..I never gave it enough thought to want...but looking at it now... Well, I always figured you could either own the world, or see it -- not both.
AMANDA
Uh-huh?
CAB
And I've seen it..at least a mighty bit of it. So I don't understand what you think you've got on me -- all I've worked for's just to grab my latest money, shut down the house, park the dog with the neighbors, and hop the best deal on the next flight to somewhere..and hit that hard travelling til I got just enough to catch it back. Not too many places you want to get stranded, not on this planet.
AMANDA
We're all always travelling, and that's not what we've worked for -- no matter how you want to pretend to romanticize it. Ah! International travel! It's been decades since I've had it with shopping mall airports and cattle car airplanes.
CAB
I'm not romanticizing it, not a bit.
Again and again I've gone, and stayed gone --
long as I could afford to anyway --
til then no matter where I am it hits,
I'm here, and deeply happy from this place.
Started out it was the highway,
now it's the globe that is my home.
So just people-move me down them airport chutes,
sort out and select like on a conveying machine,
pull the plane past the gate and tumble in,
packed up, like perishable produce shipped
in sep'rate seats -- climate controlled and vacuum sealed --
and all so tiny in a fuselage-sheet cigar.
Then shoot it over somewhere, slipping high within,
our shrink-wrap thin atmosphere of life.
And then you're there. Somewhere. Soon ages
past the world of the web of airports that nets this globe,
and home in her diff'rent lands, deep in lives and languages,
sights and ways -- feeling so joyful you were born to rove!
Oh I, 'way down south of the border where
the clouds wrap down to mist the Mayan hills,
did hear, inert inside the numb and sway down there
of some garish schoolbus on a gutted road lost in jungle rills,
the muffled crack of rifles at civil action work --
soldiers killing Indians -- with that same hard rage of us or them
as settler conquistadors. And in that fitfulness and dangle
of chickens, urchins, Indian girls and diesel fumes and dust, I dreamt
I learned the sound of leaking bodies lunging to the ground.
Oh I, framed so small within the window of a train
where tracks slash through the Riviera's shore at play,
did see, like plastic seagulls strewn amain
the baubled yachts of riches' princes seeming to say:
our beauty and expense they stand as symbols of the way
this sea, this world, your lives and all that can produce here
by right do liege and sway to the pow'r and grace
of our economic state. All on
the self-same sea that saw the shipwreck of Ulysses --
and a blind man's poem that for the first time made
from the loss and fight to claim rights usurped
individuality, all alone, and conscious of itself.
Oh I, dot at the railing of a ferry blurred in rain
of warm monsoon that lashed the Ganges' sheen to wool,
did breathe, the air thick with the smell and pain
of the crowd sulked twittering on the deck below --
and I closed my eyes and thought on the breath
of Eden's air whence I'd just come East down the river
from the crystal stasis of the light of Godhead's hills.
That night I drank the water of that threading, trellised sea,
that's still so big it swallows up the horde of corpses
like they were a single, candled bier snuffed into the stream.
And then I slept a sleep so deep my dreams were one
with the bliss of grinning, gangling gods that so serene and wild
still blank and buckle in guilt-and-deathless primal time.
Til I was 'wakened by a decked out, painted urchin
numbly set up to sell her sex for money.
And I gave her dollars, and made her take my bed,
and left to spend the night on deck, and all alone --
my sheets the moonlight on that rippling, distant sheer.
AMANDA
(Now I know what they mean when they say careers on Wall Street make people lose touch with reality.)
CAB
So, this must be the...where'd that..that came with the menu...I mean, not that I don't know what I'm eating...the..the exact pronunciation, that's all, slipped my mind. So, great that they like send the menu with the bill, sort of like a reference work..if you need it. Of course, you and I..well, superfluous, no?
AMANDA
I see in your rise in the world, you've managed to find time to affect a taste for northern Italian cuisine?
CAB
Oh, well..just like everybody else, I've been eating pizza all my life.
AMANDA
You know Bill, I don't remember you as having had a sense of humor. Sohere's to you, and what maybe changes.
*
♦ ♦ ♦
§
III 1: background is street; characters are NYB, Nancy Littlesteps and Big Jim Marion.
JIM
Fit pretty good, huh?
NYB
Uhuhrh...
NANCY
Squoosh whoosh, moosh loosh;
steppah leppah, reppah rep;
just like a soldier,
never get older...
Yarrgh, sucker!
Cause all you get is
just like a soldier
pushing up clover.
JIM
Oh Nancy, there you go. ... Now, how'd they fit? Good, huh? Gave you the regular just like executive model, huh?
NYB
No. Argh! No. These don't fit right.
JIM
Well, all depends what you're used to, pops. Something else how people peg what was yours quick like from first impression.
NANCY
What you're used to, you get newed to.
What you're new to, you get used to.
Get used up, get newed down,
cause you're end ups coming round
inside out and upside down.
NYB
Yeah..uhoh... So..well..what time it is it? I'm..I'm late..I..I..but...
JIM
You got a watch? Tell you the time. So you can know when you got to get somewhere.
NYB
Where's my watch?
NANCY
Heerph! Fat lot of good that's going to do you. You can tell the time all day, all night but that'll never tell how many daynights you got left. Hah! Yarph! Peep peep, keep keep, look look look looking at it, maybe daynights'll come out of it!
Hah! Just like a soldier, pushing up clover.
Oh, young like soldier! Home is the hero!
Wrapped in glory root toot toots!
Loving need no have no fear oh!
Hargh! Here's your pair of empty boots!
NYB
I remember that watch... It's back there... Arghieieohoh, arghieieohoh...I remember... I wanted it..I didn't want it..I wanted it, I bought it. Only..only twelve in existence... I bought it I remember and walking out I.. it hit me this watch cost more than you could buy a house for when I was growing up.
JIM
Where'd you grow up?
NYB
I... I can't remember.
JIM
Well, I grew up down on the low end of low rent myself. Never let it hold me back though.
NANCY
So here you are with me!
on the street and fancy free!
NYB
That watch..that watch was a timeless watch. Came in hand-rubbed special edition case with an engraved certification, I got..packaging and advertising's a crock I never drink, but this..this time, almost nobody else could have one, so I..I wanted it.
NANCY
So you bought it,
Bought it, got it.
So good...Hargh! Just like you thought it.
So good, so good like you knew it would.
So you can hold it, hold it, like you knew you could.
Treasure pleasure
without measure.
Tick tock the time
of happiness.
Down to the last dime
of cold stone distress.
JIM
Nancy, stop making fun of the man. Don't you see he's hurting here?
NANCY
Aw Jim, Jim
Hurting? Hurting here?
State we're in,
why would that be, dear?
All the fun we're having here?
JIM
You won't hear me complaining. And I got no mind to explain.
NANCY
Carry carry, carry on,
just like a soldier fancy free --
nothing, never worry on,
guilty guilty, guilty's me
'cause I can't help my stupidity! Hah!
JIM
So what time is it?
NANCY
Watch out. Too dark see any watch anyway! Heeee...
JIM
Can't see if there's no light.
NYB
Okay, can't see if there's no light, poopyhead. That's not the point. If those stupids hadn't stole it, I'd still have it.
JIM
So if the law finds it they can restitute it -- cause it's still yours.
NANCY
So you might as well still have it! Heeee.... Even if you can't see it anyway, cause there's no light.
JIM
Your timepiece didn't have a light so you can see it in the dark?
NANCY
That's what makes it timeless! Heeee...
JIM
No! It was a timeless masterpiece of the watchmakers art. Back then they didn't have lights! Ohhh, I don't feel well at all...time was so important to me -- I could sense it passing, mentally count it as it slipped away in working's background -- I always knew exactly waht time it was and how much of it was passing -- but now...now, orghghgh...
NANCY
So whay'd you need a watch? Heeeee....
JIM
Are you alright?
NANCY
Time's to find a place
time's to hide your face
time's to not a peep
time's to close out -- sleep.
Yurhrhrhrh...
Blinkety winkety, jerkin and nod
sleepity twerpity, dreaming to God!
JIM
There you go, Nancy..I told you..tearing down, and tearing down. Nancy, God's good for you.
NYB
Yhargh...I need help..I need...
JIM
Maybe you need some restitution revival?
NYB
I don't think so.
JIM
Well alright, but underground they got all kind of revivals restituting and renewing. We can take you if you think..you know, they're like cults that're renegade. They'll remake you right over, right off -- that's what they're doing alright, just like they was some kind of like, you know, like wierdo devotionals.
NYB
No. No..but... Arghieieohoh, arghieieohoh...
JIM
You sure you're alright?
NYB
No!
JIM
Never did have much truck with them much, but some folks they're just whooping right to it if they find the right one. Cause you need something, brother, Amen!
NANCY
We'll go farting to perdition,
We'll go laughing all the way.
We'll go sinking in remission,
We'll haroofing drink astray!
♦ ♦ ♦
§ §
III 2: NYB's apartment. CAB and Amanda are on.
CAB
So, how 'bout some more of that..that whatever. Good huh?
AMANDA
Go ahead, finish it.
CAB
Roof!
AMANDA
What?
CAB
Oh, just thinking, when dogs eat dog food do they enjoy as much when humans eat good food...in eye-to-eye conversation? Please, some more wine?
AMANDA
I don't think so... In fact there's a whole theory about relaxed, intent conversation... No!
CAB
What -- just sets off that big-el chem thing? Can't nobody help itself?
AMANDA
No!
CAB
... Um..so..so, seen any good movies lately?
AMANDA
What do you want to know for?
CAB
I don't know, just to get to know you, find out what you like to do.
AMANDA
Or cause a good meal without conversation is like a good friend without a smile?
CAB
And life without a friend is like...?
AMANDA
Funny, how once you eat with somebody, it softens you -- and it's harder to keep any hardheartedness in place.
CAB
Yeah. But I'm not asking just to talk. It's 'cause I really want to know.
AMANDA
Mh... I don't go to the movies much. I never liked comic books.
CAB
I do. Always did.
AMANDA
Really? So what've you seen great lately?
CAB
Have you seen "Invasion"?
AMANDA
"Invasion"? No...
CAB
"Invasion of the Giant Roaches". It's the latest, the greatest!
AMANDA
Oh, yeah...?
CAB
Most greatest, latest latest in that mighty line of megamonster, slambang gatebusters that got that magic to make a raving mass of today's fragmented, jaded public. When it happens, I love being a part of it. The first week.
AMANDA
"Invasion of the Giant Roaches"?
CAB
Yeah, starts out one morning in Spring there's this tractor trailer jackknifes, and the tank it's pulling breaks open upstate from New York -- there's a chemical spill and it's right by a reservoir and starts leaching in. And there's a conscientious water supply worker that worries but her superiors figure since it has no known effect on humans there's no point in alarming people and it's better not to make a deal of it. But it goes into the water and starts reaching through the city. Main characters are this scitech kid and her friends from a High School of Science, and she's doing this experiment about DNA and genetics with roaches. And she's the first one to notice and start wondering why -- the city's roaches are getting bigger...like there's something slowly messing up the hereditary instructions.
AMANDA
This is a movie?
CAB
What else could it be?
AMANDA
For adults of course?
CAB
Yeah. It was great! There's this artist comes home to his loft at dawn, and he's going to sleep with his girlfriend on their futon right there on the floor with all the paint all over, and man, these roaches she thinks must've been eating the paint or something cause they're getting big. And she's terrified like she'd ingested too much of some kind of new kind little helper at the clubland they just came from, and she's just giggling with fear and he's mashing them and mashing them, and man, they're making giant splinter-splats and he just can't keep up.
AMANDA
And then he arrays them on canvas, laquers them and -- presto! Arte!
CAB
What?
AMANDA
Great contemporary art.
CAB
No, this is a real movie.
AMANDA
Okay, go on.
CAB
And life goes on in the city, but they're getting bigger and people are beginning to fear, and sense that fear could set off crowds and crowds of them in wildly self-destructive panic if social self-control is snapped. But they keep getting bigger; couple reproduction cycles later, they're not fitting behind the baseboards any more. And there's these cafeteria workers come in early to open up -- flip the neons on, and they're all over, big as mice! Arrghgh! And the mayor, police chief and anchorpersons they're all acting like they're on top of it with the experts, but they don't have a clue, they're all just acting. Meanwhile the water system tech's hooked up with her nephew who goes to the High School of Science and knows the biology girl who's doing the experiment. And with their gang of friends and a teacher they start figuring out what's going on -- every couple generation cycles what got in the water doubles the size of the roaches but half of them die out. But the problem is that at the limit to growth when there's only one hemongous roach left, it's got to be stopped from laying its eggs cause then ther'd be thousands of giant roaches ready to reproduce and dominate the planet and humans might well be extinct. And these kids know this, but they're just kids so who's going to listen to them? And the water tech and the guy's who's the science teacher they're struggling hard not to fall in love cause they're from such different backgrounds but it's stronger than they are cause of the stress of their common purpose and love's stronger than culture anyway.
AMANDA
Obvious. It's a movie right?
CAB
Yeah. That's why you got to see it. Here... Some more? And there's this socialite in her apartment like right around here like brushing her hair in front of her mirror before getting her beauty sleep and oh...suddenly therein the mirror by the perfume bottles on her dressing table ARRGH! it's a roach as big as a cat! It curled me up in my seat just like everybody else it was so...
AMANDA
Frightening! Yecch!
CAB
It was. That's why I loved it.
AMANDA
Okay. So what happens in the end?
CAB
It takes heroic teamwork work to keep panic at bay, but they evacuate Manhattan with few casualties and call out the National Guard and there's tank and helicopter battles in Central Park and in the streets against these terrified roaches the size of locomotives. And they block the tunnels and drop the bridges and seal off the abandoned island. But nobody believes these kids that they've got to stop the last roach from laying its eggs or there'll be thousands of giants and the fear'll be to much to handle and that'll be it for capitalist civilization. So they got to disobey the law and sneak across the river into the quarantine zone and lay a trap for the last roach at the limits to growth. And they evade the guards and patrols and they sneak up the Empire State building all in the dark cause the power's all out and they lay out these roach pheromones from her experiment with a chemical multiplier the nephew devised on the observation platform.
AMANDA
On the observation platform?
CAB
Yeah. No, that was before -- it was like from their science project and experiment. And with them they got this old Sanitation guy they recruited who used to be a combat engineer he's ready on a floor part way down with all the C4 he and the rest could carry. And that last, limit giant emerges, but the wind's blowing the wrong way, and the Air Force is cranking up to attack Manhattan and spread the eggs all over the place, and the're these kids on top of the Empire State building sweating that the wind'll change and this roach is so big dragging this giant egg case it can only use the avenues cause it's too big to turn into the cross streets -- like it's some kind of giant roachcrane. You know, I've never been to New York until now, but cause of like the movies -- it's like I've lived here all my life. Anyhow, it gets past midtown and senses the pheromones and silhouetted in the moonlight there's this giant roach bigger than King Kong climbing up the Empire State building silouettted in the moonlight and POW! they make it to the right side of the building and denonate that C4 through a window right into the thorax of the beast. And that's how these high school kids save the city and the relief the roachthreat's gone like opens everyone's heart for a rebirth of self-government, tolerance, civilization and democracy.
AMANDA
Yeah. It's a movie.
CAB
And toppled backwards helpless, intact and huge -- the Men In Green can come and sanitize the eggs.
AMANDA
The Men In Green?
CAB
Yeah. Sanitation workers. Cause sanitation workers, they know about roaches.
AMANDA
I got to see this movie.
CAB
You do. Well..until next Summer's...
AMANDA
I'm going to go.
CAB
You really don't go to the movies? What do you like to do in your spare time?
AMANDA
I like to go to the opera.
CAB
I've never been to the opera.
AMANDA
I figured. But you should go. I do..every chance I get..every place I go.
CAB
What do you mean?
AMANDA
Some people when they travel go most of all
for food, for shopping, or to see the sights
or for bragging that they've gone, but me,
if there there's an op'ra house, I go..
I go, and it's not to listen or to see --
it's both together and it's just one, see?
And La Scala in Milan is my fav'rite one of all.
CAB
Huh..
AMANDA
I walk, taking my time, and in my eyes
I hold the building to my mind; I'm dressed
not somber nor severe, but well as money buys --
it's like, I guess, folks their Sabbath wear Sunday best.
Inside, the red, the gold, the small but mighty room
somehow keeps us individu'l though we're still a crowd.
The house goes dark, the music spells its loom
and recast for you's a composers mind rewove aloud.
The stage shines up, and for all the world,
if all works well, the whole thing brings
the joy of beauty as your mind's calm's upswirled
and singing acted touches human, deepest things.
What wells slakes thirst for whence art first sprung
cause life's deepest mysteries are always sung.
CAB
Well..some dessert maybe? No..I mean, maybe someday we can go?
AMANDA
Bill, let's not forget what's going on.
CAB
What's going on?
♦ ♦ ♦
§ § §
III 3: abandoned tunnels and galleries beneath the city; NYB, Nancy and Big Jim come on. Devotional of Che Guevarists is on with hierarch(s) and devotees.
JIM
There yonder...
NYB
What? What is this? Whe're you taking me?
JIM
By my reckoning, some kind of awakening, cause that here's what memory needs.
NYB
Like a hole in the head.
NANCY
Empty head that needs a trashful.
JIM
Got 'em all over down here -- got to be one suited just to you.
NANCY
No need to be bashful.
Got a need, go!
Got 'em itches all over.
Pick 'em, stick 'em,
mush 'em, shuck 'em,
sick 'em, lick 'em,
whack 'em, live 'em.
Once you got 'em; then they gothcha! Heeee...
NYB
Ohhho...
JIM
They got devotions down here underground lined up like stores on a mall. There's got to be one, fix you right up -- get back your memory.
NYB
Huh?
JIM
Shsh...
NANCY
Shsh...
Got to hear the rattleheads,
prattle cattle appleheads,
cuttle up 'n' struttleheads
wuddle-buddle uttleheads.
Mmmmmhhhh... Shsh...
HEIRARCH(S)
La memoria, la memoria
DEVOTEES
Of the justice that he dreamed.
HEIRARCH(S)
La promessa, la promessa
DEVOTEES
of the poor's need to be freed.
HEIRARCH(S)
El respeto, el respeto
DEVOTEES
that all humans need to live!
HEIRARCH(S)
La lucha del communista
DEVOTEES
humano y idealista!
HEIRARCH(S)
La memoria que aclara!
DEVOTEES
Comandante Che Guevara!
NYB
I don't need this.
NANCY
Dignity, schmigdity
who need this fakery? Heeee...
JIM
Hope's where you find it. Freedom's when you've lost it all.
NYB
Claptrap!
NANCY
Happity hap, rappity rap,
it's the fluoride from the tap. Hah!
HEIRARCH(S)
Here we hold the hard remem'brance
of the dream he lived for to the last,
as in that last camp in the jungle
he held his last companions to the task:
keep on, keep on in the fight for justice
for the masses that can't rest
til the hope, the hope of rising
DEVOTEES
is strong as dawn that starts the working day.
L'esperanza, l'esperanza
HEIRARCH(S)
del verdadero communista
DEVOTEES
humano y idealista!
HEIRARCH(S) AND DEVOTEES
La memoria que aclara!
Comandante Che Guevara!
NYB
What is this? So poor people are poor. They're not happy. They feel systemically dissed. Well, it's their own fault. They don't like it, they can get rich. I did. What is this tired-ass revolution crap? We're all free already. I remember.
JIM
You did, huh? No doubt about that. Just sometimes luck would have it; just sometimes luck would wouldn't.
NANCY
Heerhg! Oh, Big Jim, it's been a long time since I had a truly long tall one -- quench my thirst, my thirst...
HEIRARCH(S)
As to the last he hewed to truth --
as on that last day in the jungle
at the gunning of the ambush
there they captured then they shot him
putting bullets through his skin
til the blood flowed out and emptied
and the true, strong heart stopped cold,
and they laid him out for the cameras to see.
DEVOTEES
Soldadito! Soldatito!
HEIRARCH(S)
What do your children say
now of the paper of your pay --
the dollars, dirty in the guilty fist
DEVOTEES
that sold you to the capitalist imperialist?
HEIRARCH(S)
Puppets of the money makers
you who rule the world today,
you shot dead
DEVOTEES
the precious life
HEIRARCH(S)
of challenge and defiance,
DEVOTEES
he who came up from the people
HEIRARCH(S)
to bring dignity and power
DEVOTEES
to all who have so little
HEIRARCH(S)
and give to us
DEVOTEES
our revolutionary destiny!
NYB
Please. Spare me this shit.
JIM
Come on. That's alright; we'll find another one if this one brand's not right for you. But like, it jogged you -- like you got your reactionary back -- get your reactions back, next time like be your memory, right?
NYB
Huh?
JIM
Aw, for sure, they got all kinds of devotionals down here underground.
NANCY
Rip a whip; give me a sip; take that trip! Hah!
Forget...regret..respect..reject --
I vote for let's keep drinking, completely.
It all goes back to the fam'ly tree
'n' goin' back fur's the eye can see
when all that's there is poverty
your only real destiny
sure as hell ain't revolutionary! Yah, suckers!
JIM
Aw, Nancy you got no faith; you got no faith in people and you got no faith in progress.
NANCY
Nope. But I got faith in this. Yarrgh!
This li'l renewal fuel that'll beam you right up where beninety reigns.
We'll go furshing feeliwapah
We'll...
HEIRARCH(S)
Ours is the hearthfocus
where we keep alive the flame
the hope to fuse the separations
that make the contradictions
of capitalist democracy --
separation of our spiritual life
from the nation's power,
separation of our human life
from our working to produce,
separation of our cultural community
from representation in the state.
Ours is the hearthfocus
where we keep alive the flame
that fuses hard facts and freedom
into life lived in dignity.
The freedom to disbelieve
all the facts that claim
to put an end to truth
of a better, shared life for all.
And that's the truth they killed him for!
La memoria y esperanza
DEVOTEES
del verdadero communista
humano y idealista.
HEIRARCH(S)
We will keep alive the memory
DEVOTEES
that lights to dawn the darkness of our night.
HEIRARCH(S)
L'esperanza que aclara
DEVOTEES
Comandante Che Guevara.
HEIRARCH(S)
A la lucha! A la lucha!
DEVOTEES
A la lucha! A la lucha!
We will fight for our oppression's end!
HEIRARCH(S)
When shall
DEVOTEES
the revolution be at hand!
There then there will be time and time and time --
for working and for loving, rest and play,
a time for life's every purpose, with heaven here below.
HEIRARCH(S)
La memoria, l'esperanza --
DEVOTEES
when equity there at last will be,
HEIRARCH(S)
when against the overlords of globality
DEVOTEES
all resist clearly with new loyalty.
HEIRARCH(S)
And we
DEVOTEES
will all at last live wholly free!
HEIRARCH(S)
La memoria y esperanza
DEVOTEES
del verdadero communista
humano y idealista.
HEIRARCH(S)
La memoria que aclara
DEVOTEES
Comandante Che Guevara.
HEIRARCH(S)
La memoria que aclara
DEVOTEES
Comandante Che Guevara.
♦ ♦ ♦
§ § § §
III 4: NYB's apartment. CAB and Amanda are on.
CAB
I tell you..thanks to you, you know..I mean I never knew getting into tax trouble could be..could be such an experience of sweet richness.
AMANDA
You've got tax problems? Well..what a surprise... But, make enough of a contribution, and I'm sure those in power'll find some sort of arrangement for you in their "reforms" -- might even send you somewhere to be ambassador so you can can live like this at government expense.
CAB
Yeah, uh-huh? Well... But it doesn't matter..cost what it costs it can't be more than I have, so let's get it square and...and I don't have no problems now, now that there's your presence in the present of my life.
AMANDA
Bill... I'll admit it -- it has been a lovely dinner..and that's hardly what I'd planned on from you.
CAB
But why? How would you know? And anyway
can't we know best when we know least, when we're
free, and rev'rent before resplendent beauty,
at one with life's deepest power, sure
of nothing save the sureness of attraction?
AMANDA
Have you lost your mind? No, you haven't --
merely lost ev'ry shred of shame -- and long ago.
The cold and quick indugence of whatever
comes to mind in sex and power, simply to be done
directly from the deadest spring for action
with no selfhuman check of reason, guilt or honor.
Just a man, in all the usual moral splendor --
so come to think of it, I'm not surprised
not surprised at all by you.
CAB
You think a destiny as strange as this
comes topsy-turvy up a life like ev'ry day
and flip a man from one galaxy of social space
'way into a different other, and..so what?
Like one day I'm living in the stress and heat
of desert valley, and on the next I'm resting in
the orchard's coolness on the big rockcandy mountain.
And there's this..you, here -- real as can be --
a splendor of woman-perfumed glory
in this person behind the eyes
that light your face, and look into -- right through -- mine.
AMANDA
You're not at all like Alice said you were.
CAB
No. And you know what? Some men -- a few --
stay just themselves all through and through.
AMANDA
That, for the most fleeting instant I
should have never ever doubted.
CAB
So riding this moment don't doubt for a moment
how somehow this city's swirl of multitudes
has tossed together this me and you this way
bound by a spell cast as strong, as silent is desire.
Just hold a hand to start -- and feeling right,
go on to kiss, and hold a man in honest loving
AMANDA
and write me a song why don't you?
Even better, make a sale -- that's all it is
since that's the only model of relations left?
I'm gone -- and you can clear and wash the dishes
since you're too cheap to have someone in to help.
Goodnight Bill, sleep tight. There'll be
business to get to come tomorrow.
Amanda goes off.
CAB
Wait! ... Don't wait. Go like in a swirl of regal anger..
that fits so movingly cause of its righteousness --
but not its sense. Some dream? If that this could be --
but it ain't. So how'd I get here? Just like I did.
But in the swells, you miss one wave, then take the next.
And ride... I guess this place makes sense for her --
more than for me... And where am I supposed to sleep?
Figure that for after, cause now I got the kitchen call.
Cops like when they do a crime scene in a home,
first place they look for clues of a suspect's deeper life's
the kitchen, not the bedroom -- and they find 'em.
How you neat and clean, uptight or free -- or not --
you cook's one good give-away of your feelings for yourself.
And the set's up here's not right for her.
More like here somebody took silent rage
and distilled smoldering resentment
into precision perfect housekeeping --
so there's no way I'm going to get this cleaned up right.
But better try. For her..who's now..who's her..my..love.
♦ ♦ ♦
§ § § § §
III 5: abandoned tunnels and galleries beneath the city. NYB, Nancy and Big Jim come on. Devotional of ToonFunsters is on with hierarch(s) and devotees.
JIM
There yonder...
NYB
Huuuh... What is this? Toystore windows come alive or something... I remember windows then..with my mom -- what did she mean, looking in the widow snorting, "glad I can hardly afford one -- 'cause I should be buying two!" Like those walks with her on on hard earned weekends when there were moments free of stress and worry and responsibilty and we were like in that special -- suffuses everything -- broken family love, and free...
ND
Oh, a happy memory
and now you're going for one again I see.
Believe you me,
just wait and see
and wait and wait and wait in vain --
yeah! here we go again. Hah!
JIM
Stow it, Nance. This here's for forgetting daily cares. That might be just what you need, right pops? Just in reverse -- so what goes around, comes around.
NYB
Stop calling me pops. I'm not that old.
ND
Never fear
you will be
living here
heeee....
JIM
How old are you?
NYB
I'm...I'm...Orghgh... I..I have work to do... I know, I know..I'll get to it, I'll get to it -- I always do... Why am I..am I always alone -- I was always the only one anybody could depend on -- including me. That's it! That's it! My phone, my phone, where's my phone ringing? Where's my phone?
JIM
Same place your shoes are I reckon. Listen to me, son. A man's got to know how to take orders, 'fore he can give them. So a man's got to know how to forget, 'fore he can remember.
ND
Big Jim, Oh, Big Jim -- just one more toke from this thing -- aww, got to love your bullshit thing -- 'fore a poor girl just can't resist him.
NYB
Forget about it. I'm not going to spend my time on this..this suckershlock! Like spend my money, where's my money now?
JIM
Fun is free, son -- but it doesn't have to be. Like all good things in life. See, fun works for everybody. That's why it's democratic. That's why you can believe in it. So, every time you got a little extra money, you can give yourself a little fun, take away that..that...
NYB
So what? I've got..I've got... Uhuhuhohohoh...
HEIRARCH(S)
Come one, come all. It's here for you!
The time of your life is always new!
We've got
DEVOTEES
Hoooo-ooh...hoooo-ooh...hoooo-ooh...
HEIRARCH(S)
Come on, come on. Fun is all one.
The time of your life, it's just begun!
We've got
DEVOTEES
Huhhh-uh...huhh-uh...huhh-uh...
HEIRARCH(S)
Fun fun, fun fun; come come; come come;
take it, take it, take it away!
DEVOTEES
Hubba hubba, hubba hubba doobay!
HEIRARCH(S)
Gonna livuh livah, livuh livuh live it our way!
DEVOTEES
Come on in. Come on in.
HEIRARCH(S)
It's been so long now.
In the swing,
DEVOTEES
it feels so strong now.
Got that fun thing
ALL
that makes it Spring now.
HEIRARCH(S)
Oh, yeah! Oh, yeah! And here's!
DEVOTEES
Tricksie rode, tricksie rode.
HEIRARCH(S)
Go for it, Catsters. Go for it!
We got. We got.
Blithe spirits of the funsterland!
Toonies of our promiseland!
Li'l munchkin lep'erchuans,
sprites incantantory, gods of yore,
cutsie tricksters of our fun lore --
forever young, forever fun!
Saints neotony
of our litany
come fill the heart
with the prathood
of our good good, good good
wholesome ol'some
childhood goldsome.
DEVOTEES
We got
money bear and raffish ruck,
we got
foofy and bucks mcluck!
We got ronnie donnie
goldenlocks
he's a meanie
but we feel he rocks!
HEIRARCH(S)
Come on in.
Where've you been?
Girls and boys, boys and girls,
in the fellowland of funstering!
DEVOTEES
We got
buster peacock and dolly bee,
we got
stu bodacious and rugsly bug,
ronald canoli -- the one and only --
and here's the whole gang from funster high!
HEIRARCH(S)
Wheeee!
Girls and boys, boys and girls,
All together, and all one
having fun so pure so simple Uhuuh-huh!
We are the secret-sharers
in our club of life.
DEVOTEES
Happy trails so golden,
that we've so fortunately chosen.
HEIRARCH(S)
Nobody else knows what it's to be
all we are as you and me and us,
all together, all as one
having, having, having fun!
DEVOTEES
Happy trails so golden,
that we've so fortunately chosen.
HEIRARCH(S)
The toonster sprites flaunting enrapture
the funster gods haunting enchants us.
Making life alive and great
Ev'ry where's an animate.
Ev'ry one's embodiment
ev'ry one's astonishment.
That's the spirit that they bring
to our song that we all sing.
DEVOTEES
Oh say can you see
our toons dancing in air
all so different and free
and so joyfully there!
Through their gags and their glee
we can still laugh, cry and care,
so we're sure that we're free
'cause our childhood's still there.
Oh say does that magic starred kingdom still live
in the heart of the child that still lights up within?
HEIRARCH(S)
And the answer is?
DEVOTEES
Yeah!
And now it's time to bless the day
that made our company:
M-I-S, T-E-R, Y-oh why, oh why?
Because we love you America.
HEIRARCH(S)
And with just your credit card number and expiration date... Well, you know all that. So Catsters, let's just honor our kingdom's comers with our litany of celebrityhood praise:
DEVOTEES & HEIRARCH(S) (alternately)
Oh ideator of the funster toons,
inspire us to just let go.
Oh glorious gargoyles of the pixel screen,
trip the light that helps us know.
Oh all ye crashed and crushed contortions,
give us humble, belly laughter,
Oh all ye snide and chortling trickters,
vouchsafe the fun we're always after.
Oh cutsie-wootsies and rootsies-tootsies,
give us sappiness silly and irony clever.
Oh pantheon of spirits whaky,
sock it to us, now and forever.
And now it's time to bless the day
that made our company:
M-I-S, T-E-R, Y-oh why, oh why?
Because we love having fun.
HEIRARCH(S)
Innocent, disinterested fun, together, with each other,
in the self-forgetting of happy children hard at play --
that's the mystery of toontertainment,
you just do it, effortlessly, viewing away --
technomagic we sing hosannas to today.
DEVOTEES
Galore, galore! Galore, galore!
Free and joyful let's enjoy!
HEIRARCH(S)
But remember, let's be sure to be sure to always express our joy and our love ev'ryday with the gift that keeps on giving. Don't forget with your..it's not about moeny, but..well, you know all that. Don't ever forget. Keep current, and your privileges of fun will never, ever end.
DEVOTEES
Galore, galore! Galore, galore!
Free and joyful let's enjoy!
We got
merkle werkle, and tootsie wee.
We got
moosie, and ratsy bird.
We got
fudgestock, and orie girl.
We got
bubba, and prudie dee.
We got,
donny, taisy, raffy, riley, linney, binnie, jom and terry, reety, sillie, greegoose, laploose, herky, panny, venus, munkchip, iklylytt, rebora, ninou, tinrin, corky, ember, shotgun sal and stormy pony, rushily, wushily, tox and vera, wile and crafty, eeny, meeny, guggy ritzy, dale and ronny, trixie rode and hoody woody, all all all and all and all until the gang's all here! Whee!
Hierarch(s) and devotees go off.
JIM
So, that help?
NYB
Hurgmmmm...
JIM
That help? Or not? Hey, wake up pops, we got
NYB
No! Mommy, no! I'm not, I'm not, I'm not! Just one more! No! Everybody else does. One more show, just one more? Please... Arharhargh!
JIM
Jumping Jehosuphat, what's got into you? You're remembering? That's what I figured -- that helped?
NANCY
Yah-huh-heeheeree --
helped me alright.
Any light up looks terrific --
forgot it all in trance aweriffic --
when you're running slick
and lovely, 'fore you're fearing
you're heading back to feeling sick.
Huhrgh!
JIM
Nance, Nance... Not now, alright?
NANCY
Order me again Jim -- oh, Big Jim -- order me around, c'mon. I love it. Oh, Daddy -- you know what you can do with yourself.
JIM
Nancy, I got no dog in your fight. You know that. But I'm here to help you, always ready, if need be.
NYB
Where'd they go? It was..right there. I can see it, feel it -- how bad I wanted -- to stay up in the glow, the creatures, stories and not the dark of my empty room. Mom..mom, you there? Aw...
JIM
So it helped?
NYB
What? Huh? No! It didn't help.
JIM
Well, we'll try one else then? They got all kinds down here -- so there's got to be one -- one that fits you just right, like a flak jacket you been wearing too long.
NYB
Noooo... I don't think so... I...
JIM
Yeah, futher down, there's the gazmist bodgods -- but them's tough to take if you're not used to, cause they're all there naked and decorated, you know...and they're...they're...
NANCY
They're..they're? Yeah, they are -- you bet! Fucking! Fucking! Fucking! Like they'll never die and stop -- you pathetic -- honest modest oh Big Jim down there peepy-weepy watching but just got to hide it. Hah!
JIM
Nancy! You stop that on me, you hear?
NANCY
Horgh-oooh... Make me shake, big boy.
NYB
Ooooo... Like...like...I remember that...wouldn't want Alice to catch me...Alice! Ohhh...
JIM
Who's Alice?
NYB
I'm not sure...but I'm remembering...I'm remembering something...Ohhhhnooooo...
JIM
Naw, I don't want go see them gazmists, not now, no... So let's go, let's go...maybe like the cybersomes..I've forgotten what they're called. Nancy. Oh, Nancy.
NANCY
Leave me alone. I'm busy.
NYB
What's she doing?
JIM
Minding her own business. Son, other people's, when it's theirs, it's their own business. Your own peoples..when..when it's yours..there's your own business. Nancy I'm not going to carry you out of here when you're all passed out. Well, maybe I am -- and you can help me.
NYB
Me? No!
NANCY
So leave me, sucker! Leave me! Cause you got no business! Yargh!
NYB
Ahahrghrgh... Like I'm thinking, and thinking...like I've never wanted anything so bad, like it's right there...like behind this bright sun shining in my mind but I can't get the memories all in sight cause of the glare.
NANCY
Glare it up, glare it up --
there you go,
in the sun,
warm me up
in your darknesss glow --
go baby, call it fun.
NYB
I can't stand it! It's burning me out like I'm blanking banking balking and I'm losing it all...
JIM
Stay in there, Son. Cause when the tough get going, the tough gets...the tough gets...gets...yeah...
NYB
It's all right there -- behind the glare! I...I... acting like he was back in the office Toong katter retsfap, drak rollum. Taratak schlork dopf! Ek deeleer alamak -- tragtook tragtook -- colsturfrobush hiilishag drup? Keekee hubernitspee drok loosh sammarpiik tralalatrakpat. Verpoomunuppav ti, brok, skop, krattar ghrsnawahr lapaper. Elsmrop ooroostond. Tirilak? Konflub, shrikonflub, ferf koolis, hoolsh koolis -- kralapap tig rashok poolpoosh? Ark rihirkmil toostum pense ti, merwep konflub rik konflub; tik rik tirik, pish? Rhool lammar tik meerwip, rhool tik? Rhelewerp dorsh. Rhelewep tanglapper dorsh! Moormoor linon zebrun shloop, zebrap keekoo det yedspleds? Ralak mak! Terooree lar mar. Lar mar, kemekem ukib hihi. Rbabakak. Kak! Kak! Kak!
NANCY
Whee! Huh-huh...
Ho, something crazy, baby,
I'm in that wave
taking on my rave
I'm your slave
to this pain pain,
I'm calling pleasure.
Kak! Kak! Kak! Hah! Hah!
NYB
Kak! Kak Kak!
Ralak mak!
NANCY
Oh's terrific
ooze me wiffic.
NYB
Dorfproobster, shammee ruofull koolis, koolis! Huhuhhuhhuh!
NANCY
Kak! Kak! Kak!
Ralak mak!
That's my happy trail to you. Whee!
NYB
I'm stomp pomper, gerfishing dealwheerer, I... Ohohoh!
JIM
Pull yourself together! Dolgarn it, son, you want to live for... Now..now, move it out, all of you!
NANCY
Ooooh... We'll go living boladacious
we'll go
JIM
Go! On a mission now, you hear me?
NYB
I'll do them all better! More! More, that's what... Just got..ralak wak koolis! Koolis!
JIM
If it's the first thing I do, I'm going to shape out this up fit..I'm going..yeah.. I said get off your belly and quit aching! Now move it out, you hear me?
♦ ♦ ♦
§ § § § § §
III 6: NYB's apartment; Amanda is on in her room, brushing her hair in front of a mirror.
AMANDA
Oh, like sit here look out for that catroach
come catch itself momentary in the mirror
scutttle up on the table, knock down my perfume bottles --
and laugh that it's no worse than my skull's holes
soon laced by hordes of kissing worms?
Was this the face that launched a thousand dreams --
no, ten thousand and more, covergirl agaze
so godlike young from the newsstand rack
in mass media's ancient age of fabrication
of silly dreams to sell common wares?
And if, if it could still be that face today
in social media's new age -- that so tiresomely
wears on -- I'm going to ditch this phone and live --
I am -- who knows how many countless more
instant, momentary dreamsnaps -- like life --
flicked and gone -- and that'u'd still mean nothing more?
This was the face, that's mine, that but for time
is still the same my mother lovingly
did brush its frame of curls in nightly pantomime --
as now I, I remember then near cryingly.
If I cry, it's for I was so deeply loved?
A happy childhood's like the pow'r of beauty
that in our youth gets us by just fine, til shoved
into the hard and cold of this world's time and cruelty.
To brittle strands and dried out lines
the soundlessness of rushing time does part
the past from present and imperceptibly consigns
to wid'ning wisdom the advancing heart.
What was our beauty now's our passing sorrow
like that we were loved lasts to our last tomorrow.
If all the mirrors that I've looked me in did freeze
my image and I had them all to run
like on some clipapp that'u'd like tease
the years and change to a vid of a minute's fun,
it'u'd only show me what I know already:
that what I was I'm still but deadly changed,
in mind and mem'ry strong and running steady,
in possibility and body sadly re- and disarranged.
Aging's irony's not really getting older,
it's feeling and believing in the youth inside.
I'm burning up in flesh and bone that's getting colder,
'cause will to love and live afire's my truth inside.
What good it does left locked up unshared
is none at all 'cause I'm alone and it's lived undared.
knock on door
AMANDA
Yes? Who is it?
CAB
Who do you think is? The maid?
AMANDA
What do you want?
CAB
I want to talk with you.
AMANDA
Please. Go away.
CAB
Please. Let me in.
AMANDA as CAB comes in
It's open, Bill. (After all it's your house.) You can't be serious.
CAB
I'm not. I mean, like a serious person, I'm, you know, a comedy person.
AMANDA
So what do you want, Mister Comedyman?
CAB
You. Now. Or later. But now. We don't have to do anything -- just be together. I mean.
AMANDA
No way. Never.
CAB
I don't know what I'm doing. I'm in love with you.
AMANDA
Well, I do. And if you weren't so ridiculously absurd, I'd be outraged. Even speechless.
CAB
Why? 'Cause you make me feel like a teen-ager?
AMANDA
How convenient. Since only youth can sin without vice.
CAB
But you and I'u'd know exactly what we're doing. And accept our actions without guilt.
AMANDA
What? Exactly.
CAB
This. A man. Old but willing. A hand to hold in yours.
A body to rest next to, like a sea along a coast.
A soul and mind to meet on such a night
as this one, so truecrazy, made that way
by unexpected circumstance so like blindluck --
but conscious seizing the amazingness of chance.
AMANDA
More like seizing self-contempt in just another cheap betrayal.
CAB
More like free acceptance of human facts
between us -- taking talent for living,
and making this moment itself and another
one so ordinary, just our daily life,
the other, so twinly, the same but other
like transfigured by true human warmth
and heartfelt, honest love in me and you.
AMANDA
Just leave, okay? Or stay -- for all the difference it makes.
CAB
Look, I'm asking. Politically correct, okay. Gently, honest, and at ease -- save for the turmoil of desire that makes me almost weep to breathe...to be alive beside you.
AMANDA
Bullshit. And the answer is no, no and no. Oh! I should be ashamed, just to countenance such proposal -- taking it so easy and indifferent, like I've no capacity for anger left at something so base -- but that's our no-fault, guiltless, non-judgemental preferred way to stay off the hook? And I haven't it in me even to despise you with real passion.
CAB
I don't get you.
AMANDA
My sister!
CAB
Look at me.
AMANDA
I am. I am.
CAB
And you see?
AMANDA
You. You. In all your... Oh, just get out. Now!
CAB
Okay. Okay. But only my mind believes it and makes me do it.
I feel..since this strangeness that my taxes, man
have brought me to that I'm like in some sci-fi movie --
if life weren't stranger and as real as this,
this flesh I'm in and this confusion
like I'm trying to kiss a girl for the first time
and ev'ry look and breath beside you leaves me reeling from
your presence that like wonder fills a child
lifted inside out with yearning.
AMANDA
I bet.
CAB
It does. It does. So look, just look, and look again
and trust your eyes and all the power
of attraction that makes the mind go blank
and certain and
AMANDA
and and and blah blah blah and out of here!
All the world's words will never change the facts
of what's right and what's wrong. Out!
And leave me alone.
CAB
Okay, okay. But..how all this happened --
it's so right I know, I know...
I'm going, I'm going -- against what's best
and daring in myself, and hurting like a child
rejected by unjust anger, but hoping that tomorrow
seeing you, the sun of love like hope requited
will shine bright day happily on you and me.
AMANDA
Goodnight!
CAB
And sleep the sleep of troubled rustling
that wishes for the peace of lovers side by side?
AMANDA
Out of here! Now!
♦ ♦ ♦
§ § § § § § §
III 7: abandoned tunnels and galleries beneath the city. NYB, Nancy and Big Jim come on. Devotional of Tantricmantics is on with hierarch(s) and devotees.
JIM
There yonder....
HEIRARCH(S)
To this most present, here and now
intent on work, alert, aware and recollected
DEVOTEES
be welcome.
HEIRARCH(S)
To this minding of community,
prudent, daring and great-hearted
DEVOTEES
be welcome.
HEIRARCH(S)
To reason's arduous, vast-vista'd way
of motherly feeling and godlike enlightenment
ALL
come as equals, free to lead.
HEIRARCH(S)
Free to lead
DEVOTEES
your truest self upon an endless quest
with us to greatness unique your own.
HEIRARCH(S)
Lead on, so long as I am willing.
DEVOTEES
With openess, restraint and dedication
gallantry and forebearance --
HEIRARCH(S)
measured and determined --
DEVOTEES
with passion and self-knowledge --
HEIRARCH(S)
prudent and clear-minded --
ALL
we stay the course of reason's rule.
If I, I can, for me
HEIRARCH(S)
with you,
DEVOTEES
then can
ALL
we hold as power here what's best in all
we are -- the human ones --
for me and you and all of us who are
this planet's sprawling, teeming personhood.
NYB
What is this?
JIM
This is the last shot you get, pops; soon, it's time to find some breakfast, so if this tantricmantic reasoners don't do it, there's nothing left that'll fix you up.
NYB
Yahghuhh... Yeah, yeah. I can feel it; like something. I know, I've got to call the office -- yeah...yeah.
NANCY
Fix me up with all the fixin's,
trick me down like you see vixens,
what I'd use to, man, money'd be
like the last thing I'd be needing, see?
Fireworks behind the eyes so hard and sweet
tumble down the years to sleeping in the street.
Hiyah! And now they're going to sell me reason I'm proud of it. Hey, sport? You been here before? And so have I!
JIM
Aw Nance, come on now. There you go again, backsliding. You don't want to understand. Don't you see, they're escapees from all..all...
NANCY
Not for long. They all slide back.
HEIRARCH(S)
For seekers of wisdom, you have come to us
to learn to stand like in the line of shields
and grappling spears in the clang and hurl,
the shout and wounding, 'cross the sand that blots the blood
down the shore from the line of ships beached up from the sea?
To learn to fight so fierce and resolute
that at the height of battle you can step back and cry out
the defiant glory of life's momentary spark?
That's what brought you here? -- to learn to live
with that same bright power of the will
but in quest of wisdom's glory and not war's?
To learn the way of passionate reason's rule
and array all aspects of what's human to that end?
That's why you've come -- seeking to become?
NYB
Get a life.
JIM
Nah, I'm done with death and fighting -- thought I had to, but now no more for me. See, we thought some one or other devotional here might bring the partner here back his memory that's all.
NANCY
Huh, you think reason's going to help me
for all there's a thousand and no reason for
to live in drive-you-crazy crave this way?
Like life's like you're going stir-crazed in an airplane
taht just won't ever, never land --
time to skyjump, honey, but ain't no chute.
HEIRARCH(S)
Can you stay a course despite storms and distraction?
NANCY
We can't stay straight cause that is distraction.
HEIRARCH(S)
Can you keep silent -- know your mind yet know when not to speak it?
JIM
No, we don't mind at all; go right ahead.
HEIRARCH(S)
Can you tell vanity from self-respect and live
free of seething envy yet in generous admiration?
NANCY
What it looks like's what it is; what it feels like's all there is.
HEIRARCH(S)
Can you live for being alive's sweet richness;,br />
free to die having lived a life of honest work?
NYB
Harough... Yeah... Yeah... Something, something like that. Yeah! I've always...
HEIRARCH(S)
Then why you've come to us? For what you know you've always wanted?
NYB
Yeah... Yeah... Yeah! I've always wanted to be rich.
JIM
See, it's working. I told you there'd be something for you here.
NYB
Orrgh... Ahghghiiir... It's coming all right back.
Like sudden discov'ry and emotion rushing in
like sunlight spills flooding past scudding clouds
that blocked it, like shame or guilt
that suddenly pierces through into self-perception?
Huh... Yeah... Yeah... Yeah! I've always wanted to be rich.
Always, like since I was a kid and didn't understand,
but felt the way that some were seen, so real
so strong -- but most dismissed for having nothing
to command the world -- that awesome mystery,
power from the money that they overseered.
I wanted to be seen with that respect and stature
that my parents didn't have. And then I had it all.
Still do, goddamn it! It's all coming back!
What the hell am I doing here? I got to get back
to the real world.
JIM
See, see. I told you.
NYB
Who are you? I don't owe you anything.
JIM
No, but...like if you smapre some change...for breakfast -- honest.
NANCY
All you're good for's what they can use you for.
All you're in for's what they got in for you.
Give the least and get the most
Be sure you're paid, 'fore you're left for toast.
HEIRARCH(S)
Go then, go, leave us apart a happy few
and blind find your own destiny in peace,
for seeking it with ours would only be
a burden to you on your hapless way.
NYB
Fuck you! I'm doing it my way.
DEVOTEES
Reason's a mastery of the light within
that's as much within you as in those that share
the daring of its brightness 'gainst the dark.
It's actions known to all, but by most ignored:
brave, when you don't have to be,
loyal, when betrayal serves ambition more,
excellent, when no one's there to see,
generous, when there's no interest at stake,
and faithful, 'spite the bitter fear of death.
HEIRARCH(S)
Go then, go so freely, leaving us to this
hard destiny we just as freely choose.
NYB
I choose! My way -- the real world way. Get me out of here now! Where's my... Where'd these stupid shoes come from? Who... How do I get out of here?
JIM
Hey, okay... No hard feelings now. Right this way.
NANCY
Ruckchuss, chuck us
mess and fuss us
fuck the ruckus
ain't no point in choosing us.
JIM
We'll get you there. Partners son, are for riding with you to the end. Just like we got you through to getting back
NYB
Forget partners! What deal is this? I've never seen you before in my life. I've got..I've got..where's the way out? And now! Let's go! Where's my phone? Where's my watch -- I'm losing money!
NYB, Nancy and Jim go off.
DEVOTEES
And now once more into the dawn so grey --
the world of work and action close above --
to live our shared, stern silent quest.
HEIRARCH(S)
To this most present, here and now.
atuned to others, playfully intent --
staying focused on your work,,br />
alert, aware and recollected
DEVOTEES
stay in there strongly.
HEIRARCH(S)
In this minding of community,
prudent, daring and great-hearted
DEVOTEES
show by acting.
HEIRARCH(S)
To reason's arduous, vast-vista'd way
of motherly feeling and godlike enlightenment
ALL
come as equals, free to lead.
*
♦ ♦ ♦ ♦
§
IV 1: apartment of NY Bill; Amanda and CAB are on.
CAB
Good coffee, huh?
AMANDA
Alright. Yeah, it is good.
CAB
Yeah! Crude oil thick and jet fuel potent -- that's what I always say. You know what they say about a man who makes good coffee -- every time?
AMANDA
Never at a loss for a tired cliche -- and always completely enthusiastic and sincere about it.
CAB
I ground the beans myself -- brought them with me. Always do. Along with my travelling machine. It can be a lifesaver. Someplaces you go, it's like they haven't reached that state of civilization yet -- you can't get a really decent shot to save your life.
AMANDA
Hm, could be a Victorian American talking about whiskey...
CAB
What?
AMANDA
Just musing -- that rare morning moment, with no day of hectic choices looming like a scuttling through a maze like you're going to be blown up again and again in a video game teenagers play -- so busy doing what must be done, you never get to what should most be done til you've scheduled yourself to slaving for success at the expense of your own happiness -- time for others that you love...
CAB
You don't know how many people out there wish they could get the chance.
AMANDA
What?
CAB
Yeah, maybe like me -- who chose self-development and ideals for happiness, and now are looking at financial anxiety for our time's long and many aging years. You'd think I was just looking for a rich girlfriend, right? But.. Amanda
AMANDA
Bill! Orghh, how can you? You know, I'm surprised by this -- that you travel with this miracle micromaker of exquisite espresso -- wouldn't think you'd have that kind of time for attention to detail, wouldn't think you'd ever leave the office and the dealmaking in case you'd miss making more money? But I'm not surprised at all by..orghh!
CAB
Last night...look...I... Look, this is my greatest invention -- had it built by a guy who built equipment for spy satellies at a national lab -- dual voltage/battery-packed and built to space flight robust and replicates in miniature the conditions of a truly Milanese...like we were made for risking a run at the serendipitous happiness of a strange complimentarity
AMANDA
Don't, please...
CAB
and as you can see it fits in a lunchbox.
AMANDA
I can see that. And where'd you get the lunchbox?
CAB
This was my first lunchbox -- 'zact same -- stumbled on it in a yard sale -- like linked up deep with what was in my childhood...
AMANDA
Like some your own rosebud?
CAB
What? ... My dad, he maybe failed at everything he tried -- sounded like anyway -- but one thing he did get right -- like I knew secure, lockbox for sure -- lunch he packed in here was mmmm solid good, and always all my favorite...
AMANDA
I can see that.
CAB
And I can see that ... let me make another cup for you
AMANDA
I'm letting you...
CAB
Somehow I got into the habit of taking it everywhere I go -- even tax audits, though... Hey, here... Now how'd you say quay siray, siray, but like in past? Like what could've been -- could still be...
AMANDA
You married my sister. Oh, so...right. So that now we'd be avoiding looking at each other, chuckling like oafish twenty-somethings, muttering "Like, whoa, did we have too much to drink last night, or what?" But we wouldn't even have that lame excuse.
CAB
Wouldn't need it. Wouldn't need it now either.
What use are excuses where there's no guilt to extenuate?
AMANDA
Ohh!
CAB
You know, it's the misunderstood
that understand best what it is
to understand another -- risk admitting
that what you thought you knew you didn't,
like when the one you knew for sure was guilty --
something makes the scales drop from the eyes
and then there you see them, naked blameless.
AMANDA
Don't...Bill...Please...I...
CAB
I'll tell you a story -- a story that's all --
that I always think of when grinding my beans
always abstracted, always by hand.
Once in China, long ago it's said there was
a judge most learned and passing wise.
This judge would always hear accusers and accused
hid behind a screen so he'd not see the faces
as there he'd listen to the pleadings while
he'd grind his tea leaves in a trance
alert so still to all inside of him and out.
And once a student looked at him and asked,
"Oh judge most learned and passing wise,
why do you when you hear the pleadings sit
like blind and silent, sequestered by a screen
grinding leaves and making sure to never see
the form and faces of accuser and accused,
their witnesses and counsels?"
And the judge replied, "My son, our eyes
tied to the mind and its frailty for beauty
are our most dire deceivers. Learn hard how wrongly
can marked for guilt the poor and ugly seem,
and the lovely and high-standing -- like angels blessed
with all the grace of empowering speech -- can wrap
the truth in lies to seem the so unjustly wronged.
And knowing that I hide from me the sight
of all of them to weigh in coldest mind
the greys of fact and counterfact to find
the truth that's only seen by reason's light."
AMANDA
So I'm supposed to question what I know, that I've known all my life, that you
CAB
What do you know? More than what this instant tells?
Put yourself here by me and in silence
hear my heart -- and let our breaths commingle
unbroken smooth like water at the lip
of a rock cliff from on high that falls --
that tumbling down so strongly braids in roar
of helpless surging, down in gravity's embrace.
♦ ♦ ♦ ♦
§ §
IV 2: IRS offices -- Molly, Dan and Clifton are on.
MOLLY
Welcome back -- and how was your shutdown?
DAN
Didn't even miss work -- and didn't nobody miss us doing any work either. Save maybe what's-his-name Munkaymi?
CLIFTON
Menaechmi cause it made us miss our appointment
DAN
with our quarry in hideout, hah!
MOLLY
Reassuring isn't it, when the government shuts down and nobody misses it -- nobody rich anyway.
DAN
Must mean it's safe to go ahead and starve the beast of the government that serves
CLIFTON
trading it in for what's sure to be left beneath and re-inforced, the deep, hydra-tentacled state that rules,
MOLLY
and in the name of God-fearing good government at that.
CLIFTON
But the taxpayers are happy God's in charge -- cause the all-wise couldn't possibly be wasting their money. Still, you'd think they'd want us to work, with all the money they got to borrow.
MOLLY
They? Us. We pay taxes too
DAN
not just collect them. How do people explain that to their children? I mean, if they should have children -- "Dad, what did you do in the war? Well, son, I was a tax collector -- so we could pay for the part"
MOLLY
"The part we didn't pay for with borrowed money -- so you and your little sister could pay for it. Thank you Mom, thank you Dad."
DAN
"You're welcome, little princess. That's why we got rid of inheritance taxes for you"
MOLLY
"so you could focus your taxpaying on the debt we left you."
DAN
"We should all be so lucky to have such responsible parents. How can we ever repay you for all you've given us? Thank you Mom, thank you Dad -- specially for selling all those treasury bonds to all those kind and friendly foreigners who only want to help us out -- it's okay, we understand, you weren't rich enough to pay for it yourself, so you had to borrow money for all you wanted."
MOLLY
"So most of all, thank you for teaching us to be responsible, like adults have to be...I mean...like repayment is its own reward -- no, we really mean it -- if it hadn't been for you we wouldn't have the enobling experience of struggling against the dishonor of default. Thank you Mom, thank you Dad."
CLIFTON
Oh, and thanks for the days off without pay. That'll be the day, when the taxpayers realize all they're getting that they're not paying for -- yet. I mean come on, reason we just had this government shutdown isn't we ran out of credit with foreign lenders and lost the advantage of printing the world's reserve currency, it's Congress couldn't agree on feeding or not feeding the megabeast of unfunded liabilites of social solidarity needs -- and still can't. So now we got the reprieve of a continuing resolution that doesn't really resolve anything -- so we're back at work.
MOLLY
Right, we're back at work -- but waiting for retirement?
CLIFTON
Yeah. Yeah. After a long career of honorable service -- retirement. What else? And there's an entitlement you actually earned -- if you're lucky enough to have retirement, and it's funded. You can call a swamp a wetlands all you want, it's still got water in it, so if you've got to drain the liabilities...well..well, that wouldn't be fiscally ecological. You know what's going to happen after those clowns finish draining the wetlands of Washington DC?
DAN
No, what?
CLIFTON
Bone dry now -- like a cracked draught desert, sown with bitter gall of partisan faction -- so won't nothing good grow there now -- nothing.
DAN
That's how the big boys want it -- and that's how they're going to get it. I'm going to say to hell with. I don't care, and give up.
CLIFTON
No you're not. And, fact is, shutdown also made us miss our scheduled counseling session -- and as your supervisor I feel I've got to touch
DAN
Aww, ouch! Gently...
CLIFTON
your attitude problem -- no more give up from you, son -- make you one them stay-in-there-forever, self-chosen ones.
DAN
Aye aye sir.
MOLLY
So what are we going to do?
CLIFTON
I don't know maybe we ought to just show up -- head for his apartment right now -- maybe he'll be there
MOLLY
Or his double.
DAN
What?
MOLLY
Nothing. Just thinking.
CLIFTON
So what're we waiting for? How 'bout it? Let's go.
MOLLY
I'm waiting for...I'm waiting for...I'm waiting the facts of my life to catch up with my ideals for my life -- or the other way around?
DAN
Yeah? And like what ideals can you have like for staying in there, with the facts the way they are now?
MOLLY
That keep the possibility of better, keep falling farther behind? Like when you can feel catching up, as a possible, start to slip away? Like you're a swimmer in a race you thought you could win, and you start to glimse through the turbulence that in the other lane some other girl is pulling away a reach too far for the time's that left -- and how does it impose itself the knowledge victory won't be yours? Like when you're going under anaesthesia -- in that stretch of time you know you're going out and there's nothing you can do about it. So in the end there's the times it's so close you hit the wall and have to twist out to check the times, and the times you don't, cause you know you're nowhere close. And which it'll be for me as that famous clock drills inexorably down, we'll see.
DAN
That's not my question -- we got to live somehow -- so what it'u'd be your ideal?
MOLLY
Oh, I don't know, could be anything -- living a quiet life, married-with-children -- no politics, let them have it their way -- like driving the girls to swim practice...wondering why I gave up a life to live in a car...
DAN
A car you could bring the kids home in, wait for Dad to come home from work.
MOLLY
I think I'll stay in there -- keep working.
CLIFTON
Ehh...that way you can both have retirement. In case things don't work out.
MOLLY
And in case they do, we can wait to be grandparents, and could be, on the way, outdoing in the flesh, all the passion two might dream.
DAN
In me you know there's someone keen to learn
oh Molly of mine, the secret share of such a life
so quiet and strongly led together free
to choose and faithfully remain so true
to all that two might dream and dare to truly live.
MOLLY
So counsel me again, again, again, and if you ever stop
then rue the ruin of what your words -- oh words --
and not an act of instinct from deep within,
led me to give myself to you and you to me.
If love was just a question of judgement
a relationship undertaken like a gambit move
in a career, then all abandon to love's
sweet fury'd be quelled and ended, supressed
just by dancing to the tune of common sense.
Could life by policymaker's art be led,
what in strategy's cold forging seemed sound,
in action's heat would then not deform.
Life's not war, but both are wove in fogs
of errant choices and for better or for worse
made by own consequence more than our intent:
the selfish lust for righteous glory,
the collaterally killed, the martyred youths
in the flag-draped coffins of our solemn ritual
all swear are unintended -- but they're always there.
Oh how, our simple dreams for simple lives
are so strangely like war's quick victories --
all righteous purpose aimed at happiness and peace --
so often kindling endless struggle and strife.
DAN
Save when there's trust to see intention through
to the consequence intended and committed to.
MOLLY
For any cost?
DAN
For honor's cause of staying in there.
MOLLY
So I'm to commit to trusting you?
DAN
As until death do us part I'd commit to you.
MOLLY
Enough with death, better so long as life keeps us living
CLIFTON
and paying taxes. What are you waiting for? Get on with doing your part, building tomorrow's workforce -- wouldn't want to depend on new immigrants to pay off the debt and pay for your retirement, right? And the sooner you get started, the sooner you benefit from all those family values deductions.
DAN
Or from that way of fam'ly life that saves
by making us of service to all others in our life --
and I got the new car all picked out for your driving the girls.
MOLLY
Save for ourselves and our ambitions of our own.
So living by the light of many-splendored joys --
loving husband, children nicely growing up -- so the lucky ones --
eyes wide open, shutting out the light of justice' quest,
I'd've settled down, settling for less, to live dreaming of more
for all -- all in the car you've already got picked out for me
given your preconceptions of the wife for you.
DAN
So teach me to be the husband you would want to have.
MOLLY
We'll have to be married a long time.
phone rings.
CLIFTON
It's for you. And it's your boss.
MOLLY
[Hello. Yessir. No sir] Spin it up, guys! [Absolutely sir.]
CLIFTON
You mean the Menaechmi case?
MOLLY
Yes. [Oh yessir, we're here.]
DAN
Yeah, and if it hadn't been for that shutdown, we'd have him apprehended today -- in time for you to palnt that distraction on the evening news.
MOLLY
[Sir, we're not just working. In this office, under my leadership, we're a PPM organization -- totally dedicated to our permanent productivity mission -- and you can take that to the bank.]
CLIFTON
Right up to the teller window, cause we're rolling 'em right up, right Dan -- like ducks sitting in a bathtub -- pretty soon there won't be any deadbeats left, rate we're going.
DAN
'Cept for that smartypants Menaechmi -- I can't believe it, that rich and hasn't paid his fair share for years.
MOLLY
What can't you believe? And anyway, if you had that kind of money you'd have a different idea of fair share.
MOLLY
[Yessir, that's correct. The case I briefed you on last week. Menaechmi. As a matter of fact, we're working on it now. No
sir, it was scheduled for yesterday. Pre-empt the story on wholesale evasion in tomorrow's papers. That's all you care about? Yessir, I know.] I should be proud to get fired. [Yessir. that's why we're going over there now. Yessir. Thank you sir.] Yeah, now!
CLIFTON
And I tought I had a whole quiet day at work planned -- one day closer to retirement.
DAN
It's times like this I wish tax enforcement was real enforcement -- you know, like we'd be checking our ammo, before holstering up and heading out.
CLIFTON
Yeah, like an IRS SWAT team for taking down the non-copliant -- her, I can see it; you, me...like a series for streaming...
DAN
That's how I always projected myself. That I'd be both a lawyer and a shooter.
CLIFTON
Sort of like a husband a lover?
DAN
Yeah.
MOLLY
[That's right, I'll report up the chain as soon as we get back. Yessir. Bye.] And that gentlemen, is what's called in the management trade participatory leadership in an environment chartacterized by trust and mutual confidence -- you can only do what the boss knows you're doing exactly when and how they want you to do it -- or else... Let's go. We got work to do.
DAN
Yes ma'am.
CLIFTON
("Yes ma'am". Practice that -- and you'll be happily married forever.)
♦ ♦ ♦ ♦
§ § §
IV 3: Central Park, possily with bench. Alice is on.
ALICE
C'mon, c'mon. There's nothing to be afraid of -- and how would you know that, right? Go ahead, have a nut -- imported from somewhere I've never heard of probably. And bounce so lightly over with all the grace of that soft, nose-warming tail pluming behind. C'mon my little squirrel, fat and sleek like my little chickadee but of some rodent kind -- and why would you even want a nut if you've got that endless stream of new garbage to feed from? C'mon, I'm not going to hurt you. Go ahead, take it. Yes! Thank you. And who says there's no such thing as a free lunch? And what do they know about life? You can make your way in this world paved with free lunches and never know the price you're paying -- like all you got to do is live in the maximum security of this predator-free park and look cute bouncing that tail. How cute you look..how cute we look..or looked..to the passers-by..so no matter what we are, how cute we look's what we are. Like a woman without a husband -- a woman without a man -- that's what they see first -- they pretend they don't, but that's how they see it behing thier eyes -- yeah, and no matter how right and justified she is, all who know that, see her and note that first. Another sad, single lifer. Note it then -- or is it worse -- notice nothing at all as time goes by -- just another old crone -- alone -- as you pass by -- even if she's married -- just a woman walking in the park and who's to see the loss and life inside big as an expanse of sea and sky?
A life invested in another who betrays
the hope you had for what you'd live together
when finally accepted as a loss still stays
an insistent questioning within of whether
you should've known -- oh you should've -- long ago
(of course I should've and I guess I did --
so what was it in me wouldn't let me let go
like to give up hope's something heaven's forbid?)
or -- there it is -- I should've stayed in there guilty --
yeah, like it was all my fault I didn't have it in me
to make him change for me. So our disfunctional'ty
was just my same old self victimating me?
Now if it's over, all there is is stock to take --
and taking it I'll feel so like him, oh so fake.
Now alone to add up how a life adds up to failure,
I see how denial and self-deception add up to make
a blank confusion deadening but sure
as I feel now the self I gave up for my marriage' sake.
But still I won't stop thinking what's become of him
so he'll still hold me, though on he'll go
with that life of money wars that are the sum of him --
why he'd never let me share that life, I'll never know.
Other women they're now much younger and more lovely --
so good luck buying a gold-digging hussy
who'll feel no guilt taking you only for your money --
though God knows none do love you as much as me.
Outside, so normal,
you see a woman walking in the park;
inside, so normal,
you don't see rage and sorrow burying life's spark.
Alice goes off. Effie and Crewfer come on.
EFFIE
Ohohohoh... I got the aches; I got the pains; I got the cricks and sores all through from sleeping out this way. Ohohohoh...
CREWFER
What's the matter; you don't like a park bench for a bedroom -- put in one of them new habits, you can mind transform like you like it.
EFFIE
What did you do anyway? You sure he fired us? what we do anyway? We had them habits! Everyday, all day, right? So like where'd he get some right
CREWFER
Did what I had to do.
EFFIE
So what did you do?
CREWFER
I don't know. We had some words. It happened -- had it coming.
EFFIE
And what? "You're both fired?" What did I do? What else did you do?
CREWFER
I don't know. But yeah, we're fired.
EFFIE
Yeah? Had it coming -- all that time, all that, you know, dedicated to keeping the boss happy, working for organizational goals and like snap! -- shut down time for you now. Like he's got some natural right -- whoops! got to terminally restructure the relationship due to downsize pressures in our economic, operational environment -- and you and me could as been not even in some relationship.
CREWFER
Yeah, terminal relationship.
EFFIE
What?
CREWFER
Nothing. Just he fired us, just like that.
EFFIE
So now we just get used to it? Out on the street. Sleeping in the park with sore down to the bones. There ought to be a law.
CREWFER
Yeah. ... Maybe there is.
EFFIE
Yeah, so we got rights too. I mean, you know, we have stakehold -- just cause we're con artists doesn't mean we're not members of society.
CREWFER
Steak. Yeah. Make mine with eggs over easy with a side of hashbrowns.
EFFIE
No, serious...I mean there's crime...and there's crime -- everybody's got the right to get rich.
CREWFER
Rich? I just want to eat. And now you sound like the Cashman now like all that jive like you can just talk it up and transform the way it is to the way you want it. And what we get for that? You got any money?
EFFIE
No.
CREWFER
So get up on the street and shake some down or
EFFIE
No.
CREWFER
"No?" So what are we going to do? Pull a cup from the trash so's you can wag around mister cheerful, "Pardon me, sir, but how 'bout some spare change for a cup of coffee this fine morning?" Hah! I'm not going that way!
EFFIE
So we got to go on our own -- like the Cashman would've done -- go be all you can go for -- find the unseen opportunity and apply
CREWFER
and you know why can't anybody see it? -- cause maybe it ain't there. You got any money?
EFFIE
No. I wouldn't hold back on you.
CREWFER
Yeah? Listen, you're cute, smart, you could
EFFIE
Smart? Nobody smart hang with you. Man, you got to believe, opportunities are everywhere -- all you got to do is identify them in an achievable way.
CREWFER
Yeah. Like maybe a foreign tourist -- with a snipersize bigshot camera and that colorbook money.
EFFIE
You mean like identify a hold-up opportunity?
CREWFER
No, I mean we're just going to live all day long with no money? What else are we going to do? Get a job? So we find a place where there's nobody there, and we identify the opportunity, and we take them down behind the knees, and we swag and break.
EFFIE
What if they get hurt?
CREWFER
What if we stay with no money all day?
EFFIE
Man, we got to do better than that. This is America. We got to do like more innovational -- so we know nobody gets hurt.
CREWFER
Hah! Like how, Mistergirl Moneyhabit?
EFFIE making like she's having heart attack/collapse etc.
Like this. Help! Arghghggh! Help me please...
CREWFER
What's the matter with you?
EFFIE
Help! Arghghggh! Help me please... I can't breathe.
CREWFER
Hey! What's the matter with you? You think I got time for a sick running pea? There's no time for that. I can't be dragged down -- not now when we got no money.
EFFIE
Help! Arghghggh! Help me please... Come closer; I can't breathe; just reach down in my purse here help find my medication -- please! Or I'll be dying.
CREWFER
as he leans over her and she pickpockets his wallet
I didn't know. Alright. Yeah.
EFFIE
No, it's there -- keep looking please.
CREWFER
Who needs you, you're going to be sick?
EFFIE
pulling money from wallet
So fire me for it. Yah! See, I knew it! You double-cross two-time, lying holdout!
CREWFER
Give me that back. That's mine!
EFFIE
Hwauh! Hey! I've seen this wallet! What did you do?
CREWFER
Shut up!
EFFIE
Hawwwah?
CREWFER
Give me that back. That's mine!
EFFIE
What's yours about it? You earn it? Huh, I earned it too.
CREWFER
It's mine. I stole it. So it's mine now. Shut up!
EFFIE
Don't talk to me like that. I got goods on you now.
CREWFER
So give me my money back.
EFFIE
No, I'm taking my share back that you just lowlife appropriated.
CREWFER
You can't do that. It's mine. I took it -- not you.
EFFIE
Yeah, I know.
CREWFER
So you give it back.
EFFIE
No. Why? I got it now.
CREWFER
Aw, there ought to be a law. Huh... And you know, and I thought you were dying on me -- I was so worried about you for a minute, like you really got me, man. I was breaking up.
EFFIE
Yeah? So my acting worked?
CREWFER
Oh yeah. Worked great.
EFFIE
Huh. SO I'm good huh? Like I could earn the opportunity with it?
CREWFER
No. It's mine. You're going to give it back.
EFFIE
Maybe.
CREWFER
No maybe to it.
EFFIE
So maybe we can make a deal?
CREWFER
Uh-huh?
EFFIE
So we find a opportunity, and you lift when they first-aid me, and we split it all fifty-fifty and you get your money back and then some.
CREWFER
All of it fifty-fifty? Uh... Okay, but we got to find some loaded opportunity.
EFFIE
Yeah. But I know people. How they are you know? But I got to keep your money, like it's mine, til we get back together and we split cause the opportunity's money's going to be with you, and if there's one thing we can't do is trust you.
CREWFER
Why not? Okay, so you safekeep the money -- but you give me back my wallet and ID's. You know, maybe somebody wants to know who I am.
EFFIE
Why would you want anybody to know that? What we do, we need to be nobody.
Effie and Crewfer go off. NYB comes on.
NYB
I know this park -- maybe even like seen that squirrel. I don't know. I got to shake this off. I got to. I got to get it all back where all the pieces reconnect and all the dimly recognized like deja vu always all over again track back to definitely recalled.
I've been here walking in this park before.
Right now awareness floods me, certainty's
distinct, but all is such a jumbled foreground,
perception without memory, with no
concatenating story to explain
the why and how that make it all seem so
familiar, so somehow connected
to the experience that makes it me and mine.
I'm like a man who grown returns to see
his boyhood home and streets where he once played,
but in the hyper-real of apprehended sight
he finds the memories he gropes for burn away --
so strongly shadowed there, but not there at all,
like the cold remains of buildings struck by fire,
the skeletons so stark, and all they held so gone.
This too has got to be somebody's old neighborhood --
the streets, where young, they played, made friends,
and lived the fear and triumph of that first kiss.
In time, with pals moving away, development,
the way things go, all learned the steel-hard rule of change --
and hardened the heart, to stay ahead of change, unhurt.
And I'm going to find...I'm going to find...I'm going to find...I'm going to get it back, somehow, I know, I know...
NYB goes off. Effie and Crewfer come on, along with Alice -- separately.
EFFIE
Chill, Chill! I see one. That's it.
CREWFER
Uh-huh?
EFFIE
When opportunity knocks -- don't just swing it open, kock the door down -- be cool, be cool -- we're just two...coolsters -- so rich we don't even have to be at work -- walking in the park.
CREWFER
That old bag? She doesn't look rich.
EFFIE
Look at that bag -- designer. Big. Worn down, packed, like she never lets it go. Man, I know, you know, people's secret style -- she's got credit cards, extra jewelry, special pictures, superphone, bigfat emergency bankroll -- she's got her whole life in that bag, man, I know. Like so rich, trying to pass for icognito like in between -- huh, like ever see a poor person trying to look rich?
CREWFER
Oh, just like we're so neat too -- so cool -- don't even have to go works -- like spend all day walking in the park? So yeah, what do we do? I'm tensing up.
EFFIE
No, man -- that's not us. Nobody gets hurt. Minute she starts helping me, puts down that bag,you grab and go. And you wait for me to cash out, or you don't get your money back.
CREWFER
Got it.
Effie makes like she's having heart attack/collapse etc. as Alice sees her.
EFFIE
Help! Arghghggh! Help me please...
ALICE
What's the matter with you?
EFFIE
Help! Arghghggh! Help me please... I can't breathe. I'm having an attack.
ALICE
Oh you poor girl.
EFFIE
Help! Arghghggh! Help me please... Come closer; I can't breathe; in my purse, my medication's there -- or I'm going to die. Please!
ALICE
No! You can't do that, not to me, not when I'm all alone with you here...What would I do? Ohohoh...
EFFIE
No, it's there -- keep looking please.
ALICE
I'm looking. I'm looking.
Alice sets her bag down beside Effie; Crewfer scoops it up and runs off with it, and crashes into NYB coming on. They knock each other down/are dazed etc. Alice does not yet see what's happening; Effie does.
CREWFER
Orghgh!
NYB
Hwuh!
CREWFER
Muh...Muh...Munkaymi...Oh shit...
NYB going after Cfewfer
You! Arrghgh! I got it! I got it! It's all coming back to me! You..you! I remember everything now! Argh!
CREWFER
Oh, no! Mister, Sir; you don't understand; it wasn't personal; nobody got hurt; we're like reall really sorry and all -- don't get upset!
NYB
You kidnapped me and stole my money!
CREWFER handing him Alice's bag, as he sees her looking around
Ohhh... You can have it back. Here. Take this one -- like a replacement -- it's full of money.
ALICE
We need to get help.
EFFIE
No! Keep looking. In the purse. Please. You can save me.
ALICE
d
There's nothing there. Except for this wallet full of money.
NYB
It is? Who's money is it?
CREWFER
Aw, it's your money. Yessir. I mean, it's not like the exact same cash, but it's like we just cashed your checks, and stopped by the cash machine here and... You know, actually we were looking for you to give it all back, cause we were just feeling, you know, so much remorse taking your money.
EFFIE taking the money out of the wallet and leaving the empty wallet
Ohhh...Muhcnayme... Lady, you saved my life. I feel ready to jump up and run!
NYB
Hey! Hey! That's my wallet. It's my money!
ALICE
Oh, it was nothing. Here, let me help you stand up.
NYB taking the wallet and clutching the bag
Oh God, great God in Heaven so worthy of all praise
on my knees in humble joy before you here
I recognize you exhalting me above all men --
so serendipitously, so rightly as is
the mighty justice of your ways oh Lord --
returning, so joyfully, all my money to me! To me!
CREWFER
Oh yessir! Mister McKaymi, Sir!
ALICE lunging at NYB, taking the bag from him and beating him with it
Arghghgh! My purse, where's my purse? Aieie!Help! Somebody stole my purse. You!
CREWFER
Got to go.
EFFIE
Bye.
Effie and Crewfer go off.
NYB
Ouch! Ow! Lady, stop!
ALICE
No! No! No!
NYB
Lady, what have I done to you?
ALICE
Don't lie to me you slithering worm. And while I was helping a poor girl who was dying no less! Little thief! I'm going to beat you back down to your hypocrite knees! It's people like you make it intolerable to live this way. And I'm not going to live this way cause of people like you and I just can't take it cause I've got rage, rage against how I've wasted myself like some kind of frightened squirrel living in a security preserve and now and now the likes of you comes victimize me like some kind of predator going to snatch my purse, well, at last, at last I'm not taking it, I'm not taking it anymore and that's all there is to it and take this and this cause yes! I've got angry, angry at what you tried to do to me like you had some right just to take it away like it was yours and not mine!
NYB
Lady, you're hysterical.
ALICE recognizing him
You're a lousy little thief and you're calling me hysterical? Ahahahieieie! Bill, is that you?
NYB
Alice! Alice! Oh, Alice! I can't believe it. You're here.
ALICE
Don't touch me. And where've you been, and what happened to your clothes? I said don't touch me.
NYB
Alice, I'm your husband.
ALICE
I'm intensely, angrily aware of that, believe you me.
NYB
What? Alice, you don't know what I've been through.
ALICE
Oh, I don't know what you've been through? Why should I know? You never talk to me. Do you have any idea what I've been through these last...how many has it been? I bet you don't even have a preliminary clue.
NYB
What? Alice, not now, okay? Alice, I've been through an unrepeatably harrowing experience. Suddenly, it's all came back to me, and oh,I'm glad I'm back. C'mon, let's go home. Our top priority now is to get back to normal.
ALICE
No. Absolutely not.
NYB
What do you mean no? Whatever you're doing, it's not important. Alice, we're right around the corner from our apartment -- oh, I can't believe I found my way back here -- you don't know what I've been through -- horrible -- owowowch -- and I wasn't trying to take it from you, I didn't even know it was you... And what've got in that purse anyway? Aie! Let me see that purse!
He looks in the bag and in the wallet.
ALICE
Nothing but a bunch of smashed up make-up and who knows what else odds and ends of life -- all might as well be worn out, smashed up hopes in there now.
NYB
There's nothing in there! They took all the money! Fucking trickster poor people! They should all be redlined out of existence!
ALICE
Bill, even you can't afford that.
NYB
Oh God, how could you do this to me? Me!
ALICE
The mighty justice of your ways, oh Lord.
NYB handing her back the bag
Here. You can have it back.
ALICE
No.
NYB
It's yours. Take it.
ALICE
I don't want it anymore. And yes there is some change in it, and you can take it back now.
NYB
Alice, what's gotten into you? You should be glad to see me. You don't realize what I've been through. Now we got to go.
ALICE
I'm not going.
NYB
Alice, this is a public place. They're people gathered here, looking at us. C'mon. Let's go home. We'll deal with it later -- maybe.
ALICE
Maybe when you get back from the office, dear?
NYB
Did they call? Okay, okay... Alice, like we can't deal with our marriage problems now here with everybody listening.
ALICE
Oh yeah? Go ahead. Listen all you want. I don't care Bill! And no we won't deal with it later -- fat chance -- we'll deal it with now!
We'll deal with it now, right now -- when it's too late,
when hope's all fin'lly broken, given way
to hopeless I-don't-care that can't even hate,
and left to do is only having that last say
so at least you'll know, you'll know how much --
no -- not know -- just hear, cause otherwise you would
have noticed on your own your hurting me but such
awareness could you get it wouldn't do us any good.
Cause it's too late. Cause now I'm tired, tired and broken.
And you don't care! Well I don't care at all now either, so there.
NYB
Whew... I do care...I mean... C'mon, get over it. I've been busy. I've had a lot of things on my mind. I know we haven't had much time together.
ALICE
We haven't had any time together for years, Bill. You're not present in my life Bill. Bill, I'm leaving you.
NYB
Alice, you can't do this to me. Not now. Not here -- in a public park. What will people think? We're not that kind of people live our lives like were homeless living in the park.
ALICE
What kind of people are we live our lives as husband and wife and never really talk to each other?
NYB
Okay. I can fix the problem. We'll take some money off -- I mean time.
ALICE
No. Bill, it's not about fixing a problem -- and you can just throw some money at it and it goes away.
NYB
Why not? It works. I promise.
ALICE
Bill, you've got to change.
NYB
Spare me that. Please.
ALICEbeating him again
The change is in the bag!
NYB
Ahahahowww... I get it. I get it. Alice, how can you do this to me after all I've been through? Let me tell you about what I've been through.
ALICE
I'm letting you. I'm letting you.
NYB
Ahahahowowow... Alice stop! I'm not guilty.
ALICE
Yeah, and neither are any of those other husbands out there of emotional neglect.
NYB
Ahahahowww... Alice, you're going to break my bones.
NYB
So long as I don't break your silly bank, what do you care?
NYB
Ahahahowww... Alice, I beg you. Have pity on me.
Take me back and give me one more chance.
This time I'll change. I promise that I will.
Alice, you're only person really knows
the truth about me and so that I can trust --
can't even trust God anymore after what he just did to me --
Alice, you're all I have in my life that's really real --
in this financial -- I mean existential! -- wasteland
of tinsel vanity and human folly.
And this time -- this time I'm going to change for real.
You'll see, from now on, I'll be different,
different completely. Now let's go home. Please.
And we can talk about all late, okay?
ALICE
You know what's wrong with later, it's never now, and always later.
NYB
Alice, what are you doing? Has what I said had no effect on you?
ALICE
I'm debating.
NYB
Alice, we can't just all sit around waiting for you to make up your mind. We got to get this thing over with. So come home with me now. Please. I beg of you.
ALICE
I should know better. I do know better. But...but I don't know... Bill, I have to tell you... ... Amanda's there now -- she's maight be staying with us for a while.
NYB
What? That spendthrift rag donkey? She's probably going to charge her household expenses to us while she's staying there. Alice, we've got to put a stop to that immediately. That woman spends money like it wasn't worth the bitbytes it's been virtualed to -- which of course, it isn't. And if you loaned her one of our credit cards, I'm going to divorce you.
ALICE
Feel free. Bill, I'm not going.
NYB
Alice, that was just a joke. Please... I promise. For everything you hoped for for our marriage. And this time I'm going to change -- I promise, completely and really and forever.
ALICE
Sounds familiar?
NYB
Alice, all I'm asking for is one more chance.
ALICE
One more chance?
♦ ♦ ♦ ♦
§ § § §
IV 4: background is apartment of NYB, Amanda and CAB are on.
AMANDA
What've we done?
CAB
Same thing all the human primates do
when siezed by dark desire's rush to light
for coupling's fleeting instant's much ado,
and by the billion times per day and night.
My love, yes, my love, that's how I see you now,
there's less to wonder at, at what we've done
than at what emotion you and I can bring
as each a person, to doing it again.
AMANDA
No! Please. How can you? I want to cry.
What possessed me that I lost all shame and guilt
and lived like I was all alone in life,
and base and filthily betrayed my most beloved...ohohoh...
CAB
C'mon, c'mon don't cry. Hey, it's alright.
No, no it's not, so clearly, clearly not.
So why, despite the unconsolable insist
in conforting what maybe not even time
and human warmth can heal? Go on, cry in my arms.
Remorse hits hard and sharp -- cuts so keen
like a baby's hunger cry that just to silence it
will stand up the exhausted from deepest sleep.
AMANDA
Let me go..no..ohohoh...Leave me, leave me to my..ohohoh...
CAB
I'm troubled and chagrined, a lover helpless here
beside you, with nothing but a tumblewind
of wafty words to try and make a diff'rence
that's real in the weather of your heart.
Like a suDANen storm, what hurts your heart, so dark
and monstrous, like squalling bursts and turns
what was the shimmery sea so bright beneath the sun
to gloom, and pond'rous swells, and windlash rain,
as quick as crys of joy can turn to wails of pain.
AMANDA
Let me go. Please.
Don't -- so undeserving! -- hold me close.
In my own hands, not crying on your shoulder,
I'll hang my head in shame.
The heart assailed by guilt alone understands
that there's always only yourself to blame.
CAB
All we did, we did together, and I'll be
there with you seeing it to any end
that it may take us, if you'll have me,
so gladly there beside you to the end.
AMANDA
Ohohoh... No! How can you? Ohohoh...
ALICE from off
Yoo-hoo! Anybody home?
AMANDA
Oh no, no, no, no. No, please not now!
Move! She can't find me here like this with you!
Hurry up! I'm hiding and you find a way!
Amanda hides, and in such a way that she cannot see if it's CAB or NYB who's talking etc.
CAB
You can count on me, babe. I'll do my best.
But that's most often better fully dressed.
CAB goes off. Alice and NYB come on.
ALICE from off
Amanda? Yoo-hoo, Amanda, you here? Funny, I could've swore I heard her when we came in.
NYB
Well, she's certainly been here. What a mess! I always thought that woman's middle name should be messmaker.
AMANDA
(Like the mess I've made with you of all our lives. Ohohoh...
And ugh how quick he turns and drops his dime
on me -- or is he just pretending to protect her>
NYB
Probably had her goofy fashion friends over for a psychobabbly veggiebreakfast after a club-night morning-lighter. How can people live like that, dedicated to insubstantial, fleeting pleasure with no hard ambition for their lives -- that in an instant, swept up in crime or accident can be tumbled inside out, even could be, cut to an untimely end? I'm telling you, Alice..what I've been through...I'm more aware...we got to become more aware, Alice of what's in the world around us.
ALICE
More aware, more aware... As in as of others and their hopes in life -- we certainly wouldn't want to overtax ourselves in that department, would we, Bill?
AMANDA
(C'mon, not so half-hidden -- just a little more confident assertiveness can go a long way.)
NYB
Don't talk to me about taxes. You know how I feel about taxes. Money is my meaning in life and I'm not going to freely surrender one precious word of that to any living soul.
ALICE
So why don't you just go ahead and die rich, Bill? So finally relievedly, easily forgotten?
AMANDA
(That's my girl. Pow!)
NYB
Alice, how can you say that about me. I've been a good husband. I have!
ALICE
What if that's not enough?!
NYB
So how much do you want?
ALICE
Bill, I want your loving presence -- I want your time,
your converstation and companionship,
your consolation and collusion with me
playing together in this our lives' only song.
NYB
Alice, you know I can't afford that. I got to keep going to work so I can keep making more money.
ALICE
Oh!
NYB
Alice, you don't understand. I'm surrounded by people -- like I'm some kind of adoration tree -- and they're all trying to shake me down, make me let go all my money leaves and die! -- and they all look at me like I'm more real than real 'cause I'm so really rich -- like I awe them, all those other men -- to cringing envy, oh fearful something powerful at the kingly money-mantle their eyes enthrone 'round me. And actually, that's the way I like it. But that's why I love you Alice, you're the only on that sees right through me.
AMANDA
(Oh! Talk about great acting. You love me!)
ALICE
No you don't. You just love your money -- and the human totempole you are it lets you hide behind. I think I've seen it Bill. This time it's the end.
NYB
Alice, no! Please. I don't exist without you.
You can't leave me! Anyway we've had this conversation.
ALICE
And this'll be the last time. I'm not, not, not
going to go on living married like this!
AMANDA
(Yeah! ... No... Oh...)
NYB
Like what? And why not? What's wrong with it?
Alice, we've been married this way like all our lives.
Alice, can imagine yourself married to somebody else?
ALICE
Don't tempt me.
NYB
Alice, you don't understand, I've changed.
Ther're experiences in life that make so clear
how fragile is the hold on this we call
our lives. I'm trying to tell you but I can't.
What I've been through it's like I almost lost
everything I've ever worked for just like that...pftt!
ALICE
And what you haven't?
NYB
Like what?
AMANDA
(Ogh, brazen bastard -- and acting just like they all do --
oh, no-clue-what-you're-talking-about --
so naturally presenting the whole vague
obliviousness like it's all so foregone
no-real-change-happening-here preemption
make sure no hard questions interfere
with the me-myself-and-I like that's the way
it is and going to stay. Ohhhh, and I just, with you...)
ALICE
Alice, please stop crying -- we're safe at home --
together -- don't you see how lucky we are? --
and after all that horrible experience.
ALICE
Oh yeah -- and isn't that exactly right
how some experiences well make you see
what you, you should've always seen and known?
And yeah, you're right -- how can we live like that
in insubstantial, ever luring happiness?
Like picture perfect prosperity and a love
who's always absent, even when he's there?
Yeah Bill, since you're so clearly forgetting,
already thinking about something else,
that's what I've had it with with you. And now,
after all these years, I'm getting me a new ambition
that doesn't depend in any way on you.
AMANDA
(Yeah! Go girl, take it to him! That unseeing, unappreciative, selfish little fat cat son of a bitch...that I'm...ohohoh...)
NYB
Alice, what's got into you? Here I am
like breaking down with some kind of PTSD
and you're like threatening to leave me -- now
we're safe at home after...I can't begin to tell you...
ALICE
And so you won't -- like everything else!
NYB
Alice... No, I'll tell you later. I got things to do now. And why now anyway? You can clean this up while I take a shower. And make some coffee will you?
NYB goes off.
ALICE
I'm not going to clean it up, I'm not.
I'm tired of cleaning up after them big male messmakers.
It can just sit there forever and rot.
Til the scouts of some roach colony find it --
and infiltrating slowly, surreptiously at first
flood in and take...take the whole building for all
I care like it's the abandoned ruins
of like abandonded factories along railroad tracks,
vestiges of some lost civilization's might.
Over now, and all the happiness I'd hoped for in it --all that
should've happened here and didn't.
AMANDA
(And all that did, and shouldn't have -- but still, never surrender valuable real estate.)
ALICE
Oogh! What were they doing here to make this mess?
But I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not.
The old, neurotic habits have to die!
I'll stand it, facing off against the strength
of one whole lifetime's dependence entropy.
The hours I've spent achieving spick and span
perfection here like I could sweep under the rug
of my obsessive effort to keep, keep trying,
the daily dose of disappointment that adds up
into a hardly hiDANen dust heap of unhappiness.
I'm through with picking up a single cup.
AMANDA
(That's my beloved sister!)
ALICE
Looking around I have to see my artistry
that I deployed in this place' decoration
as witness to a me I'll freely leave
and build on moving on from -- I have no
possesiveness about the art I made
arranging and choosing what I bought with all his money.
For art known or unknown lives or dies on its own
and the things are just things like the bones in our graves.
AMANDA
(Dried up, picked clean of all our guilts and sins
as are the shreds of embalmed remains that shroud them --
the skin and veins that held our flesh and blood --
now free, so lastingly, of all desires
and joys and pain that nature's artistry deployed,
now sealed in silent darkness underground.
Yet certain of that end we still so often fail
to not betray, not love our loved ones while we can
'fore it's too late to sieze the time
that ever permanently comes to end.
How could I have betrayed my own dear sister so?)
CAB comes on.
CAB
So what happened?
ALICE
I decided I wasn't going to clean it up.
CAB
That's okay, I'll clean it up.
ALICE
What?
AMANDA
(You can't -- no one can now it's too late.)
CAB
Sure, no problem -- I got plenty of experience cleaning up. But where'd they go?
ALICE
Who?
CAB
Them. Whoever it was. That came in.
ALICE
Bill, what are you talking about? What's happened to you that you were going to tell me about?
CAB
I don't know anymore. It's all so overwhelming, but I'm not questioning a thing. You're here, that's all that matters now. Anyway, them. Whoever it was that was just here.
ALICE
Nobody here but us, Bill.
AMANDA
(Well, sort of. Until I can escape like I was never here.)
CAB
Like you have such a different look,
and look at me so strangely -- but...
that's how they say it is falling in love
you really hardly know the person and
can be like always so surprised.
ALICE
You're not kidding.
CAB
It's like I've been upended -- don't know
what I've been through.
ALICE
What're you talking about about that?
CAB
It's like what people dream about and then --
so unsuspected, unexpected whamshazam
it happens -- and you're beamed, beamed up
clear out of your life into some other
and like all the biochems in your brain
are chorusing anew full throttle in --
it's still you -- but it's a song of such
so bright like brand new, new awareness.
I guess that's just the way it is falling in love.
And that -- so lucky -- like what's happened to us?
AMANDA
(Yes...wait...)
ALICE
Bill, what's happened is I've seen all what
I've known so well but kept so unadmitted.
CAB
Yes, that love at first sight so strangely happens
even to the old and tiring and springs them,
heartspry once again like twenty-something lovers
so filled with wonder at the presence and
the breathing closeness of the other's beauty
there beside them held so close and warm.
ALICE
What are you doing? Come off it Bill, you're either nuts or even crueler than I thought.
CAB
I'm nuts alright, with all that I've been through.
It's more than I with any clarity can express
the way some strange enchantment's taken me
since yesterday into this world so far from mine,
and the pow'r and splendor of your lips and arms.
That's love. And we should take it while we can.
ALICE
Bill...
CAB
You sure they're gone?
ALICE
Who? Uuuuh... What are doing?
CAB
Getting ready to kiss you and again and again,
and with more care this time, before this all
slips away as serendipitously as it came,
every one of all the cells of your body's skin.
AMANDA
(Wait minute, acting the part may be acting the part
but this is going too far. I'm going to jump out and --
no, then she'll know we...Ohohoh...)
ALICE
Bill, you haven't..for years it feels like. Ohohoh... I can't believe I'm...we're... Doing this?
CAB
If I can, you can. It's all as strange -- and right -- isn't that how it feels?
ALICE
Ohohoh...
buzzer rings
CAB
Damn it! It's like somebody timed it to happen like this! What's it now?
ALICE
Oh, the intercom buzzer -- maybe a delivery downstairs, I...
AMANDA
(Like maybe you ordered a new vacuum cleaner?)
CAB
Oh I'll get it -- and get rid of them.
CAB goes off
ALICE
I should know so much better that to hope again
but this -- so unexpected -- so let go anyway?
What surging alchemy is this that floods
the addled brain and drowns our common sense?
It's like it felt it wasn't him at all
and yet I've known him all my, lonely-with-him?,
life. Oh whirlwind of shock and awe cut loose
seething through the mind and heart when hope --
like desire awakening like a famished beast --
is at long-last possibly come true?
The insistent goading of what we deeply wish
is so much stronger than the bland hard truth
that all experience teaches we should know.
Amanda is about to get out of hiding and talk to Alice, just as NYB comes on, prompting Amanda to go back to hiding.
AMANDA & NYB
Alice
ALICE
uhuhwha?
NYB
did you hear something? Like the intercom I
ALICE
'm sure it was nothing and now you're back, afire with love?
NYB
What? Where's the coffee?
ALICE
Who needs coffee when there's heaven brewing in my kitchen of love?
NYB
Alice... Alice, what are doing?
ALICE
I'm getting ready for every cell of my body's skin
to get kissed trembling in loosening expectation
like a parkland's budding leaves sway gently
in the strength of Spring's first sunny day.
NYB
Alice, keep your shirt on. We're not even in the bedroom and
ALICE
What? You're worried we're going to mess up the rug?
As if it's to worry the Spring's stormrains
deep darkening to boom thunderousness
and frights of lightening fill to overflowing
unraveling ropes of rushing water down
the gorged up streambeds crumpling banks until
the ecstasy of confluent river and down to sea?
AMANDA
(Alice, what have you been watching on your computer?)
NYB
You mean right here? Now? But Alice, in our marriage you know that...wow, since when you wear that technicolor underwear?
AMANDA
(Alice -- and at your age...)
ALICE
Bill, forget how you used to be, and humbly give in to me -- and power of love.
NYB
I'm not sure we remember how to do this? Alice...
ALICE
It's been such a painfully long time we haven't been passionately close.
NYB
You smell so good.
ALICE
Come back to me, Bill, and stay with me.
AMANDA
Alice! Stop right there, right now! You're making a huge mistake.
ALICE
Aeieiei! Amanda! How dare you! Oh! I could've known -- what are you doing there?
NYB
Pervert woman. Voyeuring on us.
AMANDA
You gutless lowlife! Get your hands off of her! She's too good for your selfish, trifling self.
NYB
She's my wife you meddling witch.
AMANDA
And I'm telling you that after what you did with me still stinking from your way with words there aren't words left to express what
a pig of undeserving -- you two-timing shitbucket of stinking faithless porkslime!
ALICE
Amanda! Stop it! What's got into you?!
AMANDA
Oh if you knew.
ALICE
I know what I'm doing.
AMANDA
So do we all when we're mistaking.
NYB
Alice, control that madwoman, she's
ALICE
Amanda! Please!
AMANDA
Yes! Hold me so you can't hold him. Alice, I'm sorry, I'm sorry ohohoh... But I'm right!
CAB coming on
You're not going to believe this. It's the goddam IRS -- and they won't take no for an answer, and they're on their way up right now.
AMANDA & ALICE
Ahrhrhreieie!
CAB & NYB
Who the hell are you? ... Bill Menaechmi.
NYB
Oh blessed and happy, lucky circumstance!
Don't you know? You must be my long lost twin brother.
Mother whispered to me of you 'fore she died.
She told me she'd let Dad after they divorced
take you for a visit that went on and on
that in the turmoil of making a living and moving --
life devoured by the hectic, and falling out of touch --
she somehow never could catch up and get you back.
So you stayed out in California and
became another silent secret like
so many rustle hugely, raging silent
in the dark of fam'ly lives.
CAB
Oh, oh, oh, I don't think my heart can take any more unexpected...happiness -- so that's how it must've happened, Dad telling me he couldn't remember if my name was William Harold or Harold William -- which one are you?
NYB
I don't know. She forgot too...with time going by --
like she just left it all for later and --
maybe't was just too painful so she left it
slip her mind -- and now that can't be changed.
CAB
So then let's live for what can still be changed.
And now, in happiness unquestioned, hug me close
and from now on we'll never let each other go.
AMANDA
So he's not him?
ALICE
Lucky for you?
AMANDA
So hug me close in happiness unquestioned.
Molly, Clifford and Dan come on
DAN
Freeze! Here's the badge. See the badge? Just stay right where you are and don't
MOLLY
Danny stop!
DAN
move. We're the IRS, and we've finally caught up with you -- America's most wanted deadbeat -- you. ... And until I think my through what looks like an unforeseen difficulty, I don't want to hear so much as an eyelash flutter.
MOLLY
Danny, please -- what are doing? Not so intimidating. Dan, don't you get it? We're the new IRS. Folks, folks, you don't understand, this is no way needs to be an adversarial interaction
NYB
Yeah right.
DAN
I just know when I'm looking at a lawbreaker.
CLIFTON
You're almost always looking at lawbreakers. Everywhere you go.
CAB
You're darn right you're almost always looking at lawbreakers cause when you make the laws so understandably complicated, there's no choice for even honest people but to break them -- and not even on purpose.
MOLLY
Complicated is the only way to make them fair.
NYB
Forget fair, equal is close enough.
DAN
Which one of you is William Harold Menaechmi?
CAB & NYB
He is.
DAN
Uhuh...so we got two wise guys here today, huh? We'll see how wise you feel -- after we measure up the facts of your case against the majesty of the law.
MOLLY
Danny...
NYB
That's why we got to pay lawyers. It's almost worth paying your taxes.
DAN
Molly, like you said, we got to to be firm but fair with the deadbeats -- no giving away a careless inch -- or they'll just take mile after mile of cheating advantage.
ALICE
Well maybe if you had like a positive incentive program -- like if you actually got good government and good leadership for being a frequent taxpayer?
CLIFTON
What for? -- there's plenty politicians qualify now for a free trip up the river -- no extra points needed.
MOLLY
Look, we've got work to do. Please. Will the real Bill Meneachmi please step forward.
CLIFTON
We'll have to sort that out later. Now, what both of you have to understand is that we're not after you. That's right, you are our valued customers, our valued customers for revenue raising services. We want to serve you! After all, it's your money and your investment -- and have we got some popular investment opportunites you wouldn't want to miss out on. Maybe you'd be interested in the semi-social-security of a wideranging income transfer program? Possibly you'd prefer the rock solid returns that come with regular savings in skyrocketing debt servicing? Pride of ownership? How 'bout some really unusable major weapons systems? Not so risk averse? Maybe even reckless? How 'bout unnecessary foreign wars that just go on and on?
CAB
Oh yeah! 'Cause if nobody got killed, it'd just be about throwing tons of money away.
CLIFTON
Sir, we have all kinds of investment opportunites that deserve your serious consideration, all to help our society make itself better, and improve the rest of the world too!
CAB
So what do want?
CLIFTON
Sir, we just want to enlist you, for your voluntary compliance investing in our common purpose.
NYB
Let me call my lawyer.
CLIFTON
So you're the deadbeat we're looking for!
NYB
No! Yes! Alright, so what? But I feel strongly about this, I do. I'm incredibly rich; why the hell should I pay taxes? And if I have to, it should be just like everybody else -- some portion of what makes me rich is dear to me just as much as the same measure of what makes another poor man poor is dear to them. We're already different enough, and in differnet worlds. Why make it worse?
MOLLY
You know mister, some of us who work to make this crazy system work have been thinking in exactly the same way.
NYB
So now you know why I'm not paying. I'm not paying until you come up with a system that's not outrageousy irresponsible and is equal under law for everybody. So there. Arrest me.
CAB
Can't you do something? He's my brother.
AMANDA
I have nothing to do with the IRS.
CAB
You're kidding?
ALICE
Bill, I never knew you had like secret activist motives.
NYB
They're due to my new experience.
DAN
You can't just up and refuse to pay taxes.
CAB
So what do you have to do with?
AMANDA
Maybe you.
CAB
Amanda.
AMANDA
Bill. Are you married?
CAB
No.
AMANDA
I'm glad to hear that.
CAB
Oh. Are you married?
CAB
Not yet -- I mean no! -- oh how dare you do this to me?
CAB
Maybe we could take a trip or something -- do some talking -- I mean traveling -- see if we can go somewhere together.
AMANDA
Where do you want to go?
CAB
With you -- I mean anywhere!
AMANDA
Let's go, let's go somewhere so Romantic.
CAB
Okay.
MOLLY
You know, Danny, isn't that just inspiring? Sounds so great, huh doesn't it? Doing some talking -- I mean travelling -- like together on vacation?
DAN
Molly... Yeah, sure it does.
CLIFTON
Yeah, you can just leave him to me -- I'll lock him up after all the happy endings.
NYB
What's so happy about that? Alice, Alice, Alice, if they put me in jail will you come see me?
ALICE
What've you done?
NYB
Oh, Alice, I can't begin to tell you.
ALICE
How long has this been going on? You haven't like been a tax-evading deadbeat forever have you?
NYB
Oh Alice, if you knew -- but you're not going leave me are you?
ALICE
No.
CLIFTON
Oh man -- just no place for extras in this lovefest of happy endings.
ALL variously
So ends our work of acting for this show.
If you've been pleased, with us, in this performance room
be sure to let your friends and neighbors know
'cause we'll be here again playing this real soon,
and look to welcome one and all who find
in players playing parts of great strange pretence
a stranger, strength'ning draught for heart and mind
of special pleasure, joyful and intense.
So then, since living's largely playing parts
in your lives' work and play, and in their rest
act all your roles, always, with all your hearts,
as we with you act ours, giving all our best.
We know it when that special other's soul
may be the long lost twin's that's neigh our own,
and can when acting honest in that role
be for a lifetime's moment not alone.
So back in your lives, play, and act your parts
in true and honest pleasure, hearts to hearts,
with all the joyful best you have to give,
remembering that loving is to live.
*